A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay, so I'm with my girlfriend of 7 months at her house, and this other guy that has been bothering my her for the best part of 2 years starts to text her. My girlfriend tells me that the texts have gotten alot worse during the past 2 weeks. These texts are pretty much dirty and flirty texts, despite the fact that this guy knows that she has a boyfriend - me.Then a few days later, my girlfriend goes to her best friend's cabaret dance show, and apparently this other guy knew what time it finished and where it was, so he waited outside and offered my girlfriend a lift home.She told him that she didn't want anything to happen before she got in the car with him. She told me that he started getting at her, with compliments, saying that shes beautiful, giving her lovey dovey looks, and low and behold she gives in and they kissed. She told me that she pulled away though, after realising her love for me and knowing that it was wrong.I know this makes my girlfriend sound horrible, but she really regrets it. Don't go calling her names. She told me the day it happened, pretty much two hours or so after it happened. She told me that as soon as she got out of his car, and started walking home, she started crying and was doing so the whole journey home.She has expressed her sorrow for me, she has cried in my arms like she has never done before, and has repeatedly said that she's really sorry and that she wishes she hadn't done it and that she doesn't know why she did it.When I asked her why she did do it, she told me that the way this other guy looked at her made her feel really wanted, and that it made her pretty much lose herself. She told me that there was nothing on her mind at the time, not even me, her boyfriend, until during their kiss when she realised her love for me.I really really reaaaaally like this girl, she is my first proper serious girlfriend and I think she is the one, but this has made it so difficult. I may be blowing the whole situation out of proportion, so if I am being over the top then please tell me.She tells me she didn't mean it, and that it wasn't supposed to happen and that it was an accident, and that she made sure nothing else happened, but even so, with it being an accident, it still hurts like hell.It really hurts. I still love her with all my heart, but knowing that she told me she'd never cheat (she has never cheated before either) on me and the fact that she has gone and done it despite what she said makes me feel as if she was being unloyal to me, like she breached my trust.I feel bad saying all this bit it just kills me inside. I can't get over the fact that she did it. I forgive her and everything, but it's still hitting me really hard.I wish she hadn't done it. Now it's sometimes awkward between us in person and on the phone.At the same time I feel so so sooooo sorry for her. I have a screensaver on my computer which is a slideshow of pictures of her and me, she led on my bed watching it and just burst into tears. Watching this made me burst into tears also. My love her her is undeniable, but it's just really hard at the moment.By the way, I am NOT leaving her no matter how hard it will be, so if this is anybody's answer to the situation, then please don't post.I know we will be alright; I beleive that time heals all wounds, and if anything this will make us closer and our relationship stronger. I love the s**t out of this girl - I'd give my life for her.I still trust her; she has expressed her views on cheating before and I know for a fact she'd never set out to do it on purpose, based on this I know for a fact that this whole situation was an accident.Amongst the things she said to me, she said "I hate cheaters and cheating, and I never cheat so I don't know why I did it".I know this was a genuine mistake and I am willing to fully forgive her and beleive my trust can be rebuilt with her.Any help would be greatly appreciated
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male
reader, slipknotfan84  +, writes (19 August 2009):
grow up dude the way he looked at her she shouldnt got in the car in the first place,even more so that its the guy bugging her.start thinking with ur mind and not ur heart for a change if she'd kiss another guys she'd fuck one for the same reasons and the bullshit about girls cheating cuz of attention bullshit no one will cheat if they are serious about their partner and is really in love.sounds like she is a attention slut meaning if u dont show he enough she will find it else where.it dont matter how someone looks at u and makes u feel wanted.another thing she told u cuz she realize wat she did and telling u helps not losing all ur trust.with all do respect man leave her or tell her u guys have to not see eachother for awhile not break up though and if she goes for another guys cuz ur not around then u have ur answer.cuz if someone really loves u they will wait no matter what even if u make them think it might not work it lets u know how much the r will to fight to keep u
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2009): You know what bro.. Its a tough time dealing with girls, especially if you love them. The thing is..they always want something they cant have, and once they get it theyre over it. SO basically in your situation maybe take a step back and see how she responds. if she notices it and starts to miss you more then she really does love you. If not.. i really dont know. you deserve a girl that treats you right and one day you'll find her.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2009): My girlfriend also kissed another guy. It only lasted a few seconds before she pulled away. I asked her why it happened and she said that she hadn't been feeling appreciated lately, that I wasn't spending enough time with her. Although she did say she knows that that doesn't justify what she did, that it was a mistake and she loves me.
Reflecting back on our relationship I saw that it was true, I hadn't been spending as much time with her when I could've been, and since then I have forgiven her and we spend more time together. However, I told her if she had better communicated to me the way that she was feeling, instead of keeping it to herself, things probably wouldn't have gone the way they did. I told her to talk to me in the future if something's bothering her and if she was ever unfaithful again that I couldn't continue to be with her, as I wouldn't ever be able to trust or respect her again. I also told her that she can't talk to or see the guy that she kissed anymore. That might sound a bit controlling, but after such a serious breach of trust I think it wasn't asking that much if she's serious about moving past what happened and being with me.
I've read that some guys will cheat just because the opportunity presented itself, but women generally have a reason, usually something in their current relationship isn't satisfying them. Don't get me wrong, some people - men or women, will cheat for no good reason and it's not your fault, but I think it would be definitely worth talking to her about. Hopefully there is something you can do. Maybe she needs more compliments from you, so that she can feel the same way that the other guy made her feel in that moment, in the car, or some other kind of reinforcement that makes her feel good about herself in your relationship.
Or maybe she's just insecure and the flattery by the other guy was enough to make her have a brief lapse in judgement, however I hope that's not the case as you can't fix something that's just in her character. If it was her own insecurity, she could consider therapy by a proffesional to help her with her self-esteem. It sounds like you really love this girl and I hope it works out for you two. Me and my girlfriend were able to move past it (it's been almost 3 months), though it still hurts a little when I think about the incident and I imagine it will still be awhile before things are completely back to normal for us. It takes time to be able to trust again.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): Your girfriend was easily swayed into a kiss by a guy that was 'bothering' her - what can someone who doesn't bother her make her end up doing? She pretty much just said "I couldn't help it but kiss him!".
Don't let immature love blind you, or otherwise when she comes saying "I coldn't help it but sleep with him!", of course though it will be said in a different so it doesn't really sound like that, it'll be "He made me feel wanted, but please understand, after he stuck his dick inside me I realised my love for you!".
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2009): I'm usually ruthless when it comes to this. but the way you described it, I think she deserves a chance. Would you take you back? It just showed how weak she can be. and that's something you should consider before moving forward. good luck
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (11 June 2009):
 Putting on your t-shirt the wrong, that is a mistake. Forgetting your keys, that is a mistake.
But mistakingly kissing someone. Well that is a mistake as well, but a different kind. It is the mistake of buying something you can't afford. She didn't do it by accident, just thinks that the choice she made to kiss him, turned out wrong. But she made the choice.
What does this say about her? Well, that she is very responsive to flattery. Best be aware, anytime someone flatters her, she is likely to make another choice she might later call a mistake.
She didn't set out to do it on purpose. Right. How many girls did you kiss by accident? If you believe it was an accident, then why are you here?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2009): There isnt much to say to be honest. You believe your trust will be rebuilt which is a fantastic thing to say after being hurt like this. I would say anyway do not leave her over this as it was a one time thing and just a kiss and she truly sounds like shes very sorry and feels terrible for what she did. Good luck with this girl she sounds like shes very much in love with you and you feel the same towards her.
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A
female
reader, bobbles32 +, writes (11 June 2009):
 Get her to block his number. Sometimes you actually have to contact your mobile carrier in order for it to work but you can definetly block a number.
If she doesn't do that then i'd be concerned that something was up. (not that she's setting out to cheat on you, it's just that everyone loves to feel wanted)
That's pretty much my best advice. She can't keep contact with him if she expects to keep you, it just shouldn't happen.
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