A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Well a few months ago my boyfriend and I were living together, happy relationship, and we find out that we're having a baby. Everything seemed to be going good (or so I thought). Then when I was 5 months pregnant I find out he had been cheating on me w/ a really close friend of mine. I forgave him and tried to make it work. Then when I was 6 months pregnant I find out he was taking my car while I was at work during the day to go cheat on me w/ this other girl. So that was the last straw for me.. and I decided to kick him out. But he wouldn't leave and started basically going crazy. He threatened to kill me, choked me twice, and held a knife to my throat and and told me he would kill me. Well I called the police and he was put in jail. Now fast forward to today and I am now 9 months pregnant and he is getting out of jail in a week. He just seems so unstable and I'm conflicted with whether or not I should let him be apart of my child's life. Please help
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2010): He sounds like a real winner but if it is his child then you may have no choice in the matter. He has rights whether you like him or not, whether he is a good human being or not.
A
female
reader, LiveAnnLearn  +, writes (10 September 2010):
 If he "only" cheated you I would say he has the right to see his child but the moment he started choking a woman who was 6 months pregnant with his child he instantly lost every parenting rights he had - might not have been his intention but he could have easily killed you both! Hope you'll find a way to keep him out of your child's life or at least not let him see the child without supervision.
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A
female
reader, banjopicker +, writes (9 September 2010):
absolutely NOT!! once a cheater always a cheater. He's using you. Never leave him alone with your child. He has major anger management issues and is violent. Get a restraining order and move away from him.
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A
male
reader, Chucklwaters +, writes (9 September 2010):
It isn't up to mom to decide whether dads can in their child's life. He has just as much right to see his child as much as you do - fifty percent of the time since you're apart. That's the general answer. But specifically in your case since he has a violent criminal background - he may not be appropriate to have around his child. Supervised parenting time might be appropriate for him until he's proven himself stable. Bring it to family court - and have a judge... who deals with issues like these all the time - decide.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (9 September 2010):
 I can se why you might be conflicted in that denial of the father from the child. Is that a "punishment" of the father or the child for unforgiveable actions by the creepy father BUT, the safety of the child seems to outwiegh the "punishment" aspect. I'd tell the bum to go pound sand and move yourself and the child to a new life somewhere safe. But then ther's the potential that the crepy father goes postal and tracks you all down. There's no good answer short of the creepy father moving out of country and being hit by a truck. Here's wishing you best of luck. Take care of yourself and the child first.
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A
female
reader, LLindy87 +, writes (9 September 2010):
 Put it this way, would you want him to someday threaten and choke your baby???? keep this man away from him.
Every kid needs a daddy but it doesn't have to be the biological father, someday you might find a better guy to play that daddy role.
And I agree with Caringguy...DON'T put his name on the birth certificate. That is VERY important.
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A
female
reader, WhateverMovesThee +, writes (9 September 2010):
 You're right, he does sound very unstable. He needs a lot of counseling etc etc and even then, he won't get well over night. He's violent and though yes, he is this child's father I don't think he should be allowed in her life right now. Maybe ever. If he wants to see her and petitions you in court, make sure the judge knows his violent history and ask for SUPERVISED Visitation if the judge is leaning towards (yes, he still may be swayed) allowing this man to see her. The court will assign a person to watch over your child while he visits with her. Or, they can force him to take counseling, anger management and parenting classes. Still, I can't say I want this man anywhere near you or your child, he could have killed you both and doesn't deserve either of you. I'd move far, far away or take out a restraining order. If you can, have some family stay with you or stay with them for a while. Cut all contact with him. Your beautiful baby girl when she's old enough can decide if she wants to meet this man.
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A
female
reader, Jendorset  +, writes (9 September 2010):
I think every child needs a father but the fact that he tried to choke you and threatened you with a knife makes me think the baby would be better off without him. He is obviously evil and unstable and could present a risk to your child. He didnt consider your child when he attacked you. I would contact social services surely they dont think he should be involved with the child.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (9 September 2010):
No. Get a court order, make sure he never comes near you or your child. Also, don't put his name on the birth certificate.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 September 2010):
 The fact that he was in jail for trying to kill you (and your unborn child).... That would be a huge deal breaker for me.
No, no way I would want him ANYWHERE near me or my child. No way, no how. Just no!
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