A
female
age
,
*EMPTED
writes:I have been happily married and with my husband for 12 years. I am in my late 40's, and my husband is in his late 50's. Lately, my sex drive is through the roof and my husband is not interested. In the past few months, I have become friends with a guy almost 10 years younger than my husband who thinks I am very sexy. There is a mutual attraction. He is married too, but his wife is another country. He doesn't really want to cheat on her but a few weeks ago he gave the impression did. Now, he is leaving next week to see her and bring her back to the U.S., as they have a child together. He promises he will still be friends with me when he returns, but I fear he won't. I keep thinking about him. I know I am better off with my husband who is smart and significantly financially better off. Should I just try to forget about him, or really open up before he goes, and tell him that he has "gotten under my skin," so to speak.
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male
reader, wildman +, writes (23 March 2008):
 I know how you feel with the sex thing even though I have caused my problems by looking at other women too much I guess. Its a catch 22 dammed if you do and dammed if you don't.I was looking for excitement elsewhere too, not really doing anything but strip clubs and porn. I am sure some here will blast me again for that, but oh well nobody's perfect. Anyway, I have found it is best to work on my relationship with my wife of thirty years who is 49 now. Maybe you should try some wild things like dressing up sexy and being real provocative. I guess this is not really that wild more like normal to many. Unfortunately for me that would be wild for my wife. I just keep trying hard to get her aroused which might work in reverse for you.Good luck, your husband is lucky and doesn't know it
A
female
reader, TEMPTED +, writes (23 March 2008):
TEMPTED is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys/gals. You do not have the whole story correct. My husband and I do have sex and yesterday was great, in fact, but just not as much as I would like. This other friend is not just a sexual attraction thing. We have fun together but when his wife comes back, I am afraid/sure things will be different. I guess you are all correct. My husband is a great guy, and I do not want to screw that up!
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A
female
reader, asian tealeaf  +, writes (22 March 2008):
 tread carefully because u dont want to be a homewrecker. he has a child so i would back off and move on with ur husband, if u know ur happy, regardless of ur higher libido and lack of sex, then why dstroy it? u will just be the one to lose out in the end, and hurt a man who invested a great chunk of his life into u. theres more to life and relationships then sex, although its noice to have this bond continued regularily, but maybe u had better try to spice up ur life like going on nice vacations, romantic ones, and initiate it, seee what happens. or, viagra might be a possible answere.ur still in ur sexual prime, hes not, but if when u bwere younger and u both shared visions of growing old together, well, remeber the youth and what brought u two together, and dont destroy bthe home u worked soo hard to build and maintain.
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A
female
reader, Bean317 +, writes (22 March 2008):
You know you're better off with your husband, don't ruin your life and this man's family just because you're horny. It's lust not love. You love your husband. Just see if he'll try to improve sex life more. If not get a toy or something...maybe he'll like that
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2008): If you're intent on getting some nookie come hell or high water, a far safer route would be to employ the services of a male escort, provided that you could do it in an unemotional way. That way you keep your friendship with this younger guy and if you got caught out there's only two people affected rather than four adults and one youngster.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (22 March 2008):
 Lets see. Dear agony aunt, is it a good idea to cheat on my husband on who I am financially totally dependent with a younger married man who still wants his marriage to work.
Mmm, no?
If you want out, get a divorce first because if you are the cheater he doesn't have any obligations to you at all.
Try to improve your sex life and see if you can settle for some self-help. Cheating is NEVER a good idea.
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A
female
reader, AuntYvi  +, writes (22 March 2008):
STOP!
Have you given up on your husband? Your focusing on another man WHO IS MARRIED. It means he promises himself and probably makes sweets love to another woman who is Not you. It is his wife. Think about what you are considering doing, This is real life and at your age I would think you would have realised the grass isn't always greener.
First things first, do whatever you can, talk/scream/counsellors/sex therapist/Superfood/Viagra, anything you can think of to try and get your husband sexually active again, just because he doesn't have a sex drive at the moment doesn't mean you should give up on him. I bet you've had weeks or months where he was nagging you but you just weren't interested!
While your working on that, go ahead and masturbate, it'll give you the strength to get through and let you get close to your inner minx without the need for an affair!
As for your Cute Friend, arrange a dinner for both couples, try and all become friends. Get to know him for his true self, as a second half of someone. Let him get to know you and your husband as a unit. As Friends. Try to better your relationship by being open with your husband and re gaining his trust by showing open affection. Touching knee, little smile. Be sure to obviously direct this at your husband only and make him feel special and wanted.
Talking to your husband is the only way forward. If you decide this other man is for you, break up with your husband first and make sure he breaks up with his wife first - before you ever even kiss. No body deserves to be cheated on. Always think how you would feel in their shoes?
AuntYvi
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A
male
reader, oldbiker  +, writes (22 March 2008):
 Dear tempted,
It is easy to say forget your new friend and stay with your husband, problems can always usually be worked within a relationship - if you can both sit down and talk about it, sometimes easier said than done. The grass is NOT always greener elsewhere and you have decide whether your friend is only interested in you sexually. If that is what you both want (and I think you want more from the relationship than that?), be wary, there is a very good chance that both marriages could end and, if this happens, blame will be thrown around like the proverbial mud and you could be left without your husband or your friend. I would suggest that you try to keep your relationship to friendship and see how it evolves. You have to take into consideration the bond between parents and their children, this bond is stronger than husband & wife and it may well be that he would not give up being parted from his child for you.
I would not forget your friend but I would be careful about telling him how you feel, unless you are 100% sure how he will react.
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