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male
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anonymous
writes: Hiya, I'm 16 years old and I'm dating a woman of 39. She looks good. We are always having a laugh. She's always there for me and we are great together. We're talking about making a proper go of things. She doesn't have any children, and is divorced.I've never felt so good before in this relationship. People think I should date someone my own age though.What do I do? Shall I make a go of things with her?
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female
reader, joislack +, writes (29 October 2005):
hey i pray that you do what makes you happy and learn from it.wether it is good or bad.we all have to experience the things we have problems with the most.just make sure you seriously evaluate the maturity level of yourself and the other person.there are alot of things that a 39 has done and experienced than a 16 year old.if they haven't watch out for that!and likewise for you.what have you dealt with that makes you feel like you can be with a 39 year old.have you lived a life where you felt you had to grow up fast?it just makes you think that the 39 year old is going backwards even though they have experienced alot in life and you are growing up too fast to experience anything.i wish you the best.pray about it. there really is no age for anyone to be together once you are legal. good luck
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reader, helpfull girl +, writes (4 October 2005):
hello i am 18 and i am with a 39year old too&geuss what i am happy everyone else can go get stuffed! my happiness comes before any ones disagrements about us! if this woman does make you happy then you have a right to stay with her! but please before you go ahead with anything make sure you are strong enough to fight off jelosy, disagrements because you will have a lot of that comeing your way! i have and weve pulled through it all! once again as long as your happy what else matter hey? AGE IS NOTHING BUT A NUMBER! TRUST ME IM THE VOICE OF EXPERENCE
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female
reader, FM  +, writes (27 September 2005):
I think you should follow what your heart is saying. It does't matter the age as long as you are happy. Sometimes with relationships involving someone a lot older than the other is that the older person starts to behave more superior, in a way becoming the "parent" or "boss" of the relationship. So remember that because that person is older they will have more experience in life, and might want to rush into things that you are not ready to do... Remember to make decisions yourself, if it's a decission about which friends to keep, if you should continue with your studies, if you should work, when and who you can see and go out, life goals etc and don't let your partner choose for you your path in life, because they are older they expect you to behave the way that an adult should, or the way that other partners have behaved, or that you need to fit in with their life. Have your own individuallity and you should be just fine.
Good luck!
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female
reader, joanna +, writes (27 September 2005):
hi iv been with both older guy when i was 16 he was 26 we were together for 3and half years i still consider him as one of my best freinds at the time things were great but eventually i wanted to experiance what every girl does partys,holidays with friends i wasnt ready to stettle down i wanted to have fun with my friends,im now 24 and had two more relationships since with guys my age they havent worked iv recently met someone who is 6 years younger than me he is sweet,carring and mature for his age he treats me like a princess i dont think age should matter its how you are treated as a person and if it makes you happy and you can still enjoy your life with friends etc i think you should go for it people wouldnt have much to say if it was a 16yr girl with a older guy so why should this be any different lifes too short,be happy and if thats with this woman than go for it x
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (26 September 2005):
 I was in a situation similar to yours once, and the only reason that I'm weighing in to the discussion is to add those "two cents", because I think both Rebecca and Irish have given excellent answers for you to think about.
My situation was with a man around 30 years older than me when I was 15. We were very good friends (still are), had loads in common and a similar sense of humour. However, the relationship changed when it became sexual. I no longer felt that I was in an equal relationship; suddenly I was the "junior partner" with decisions made for me. We had sex on his whim, not mine.
Another aspect that was concerning to me was that no one could know about Us, because of what people would think if they did know. We were often seen in public together, but because of the age gap, there was no way we could acknowledge anything deeper than friendship, so there never any romance. It was all just sex with a bit of friendly cuddling in private.
We were an item for a couple of years, but I eventually grew out of his sphere of influence and moved on at about 18. That's another aspect that I want to convey to you: at age 16 you're really only on the cusp of adulthood, regardless of how you've convinced yourself that you're fully mature now. So did I, but I changed my outlook tremendously between the ages of 15 and 20. I suspect you will too and that adjustment may leave your older woman in the background.
I've never regretted my past, but I think that's because I always tried to be realistic about what was going on with it. Face yours the same way. If you decide to become involved sexually with this woman, it's very unlikely to last for the longer term. You might have a lot of fun and learn a great deal about the way women think and act... but ultimately I think a relationship between the two of you is too difficult to last, for all the same reasons mine was.
Try to imagine the man that you'll be at 21. Think about what lifestyle you want to have, the furnishings for that lifestyle around you, the job you expect to be working... Then add a 44-year-old girlfriend to that picture. If you can't imagine that, then you'll see what I mean.
Food for thought. Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2005): Stop and really think long and hard about this, guy. I think it's very unwise of you to consider a relationship with a woman of 39. You do stand a chance of becoming incredibly hurt because it will be an "exploitive" relationship on her part. It's quite possible that she's very lonely, lacks in self esteem, is very immature and she's likely fears having a quality, balanced sexual relationship built on equality, trust, and giving and taking, in a relationship with a man her own age. It's also possible she's been very hurt by a relationship in her past. Your youth and degree of innocence is appealing to her. But you have to question her moral fibre and her reasons for pursuing a teenager of your age. A woman this age, usually goes for a much younger partner because she wants to feel in control of the relationship. She might feel vulnerable and in need of affection in her life. If the woman senses the boy has a crush on her and there's not much romance (her lonliness) in her current life, she'll be drawn to this and her natural ethics won't kick in. With a young, inexperienced teenager, the woman usually becomes the centre of his world. You'll become very enamored with her. You will fall hard because she will likely introduce you to sexual experiences that you feel you want to experience.
She'll like this situation-because the relationship is a lot less complicated than adult relationships-you won't have learnt the mind games many adult men may have played with her, in her past. Sexually, she will feel more desired and she'll be calling the shots, hun-not you. Men reach their sexual peak at 17, so after sex the boy will still want more. Do bear in mind, any relationship based entirely on sex and lust is likely to fail, over time.
She's the adult who still has free-will, and she knows the taboo, as well as the legalities. I cannot imagine a scenario where the adult cannot choose simply to walk away, however tempted she may be. I call like it is, this is a case where it comes down to an older and mentally more devious adult, inveigling a young teenage boy into a sexual relationship , not because she wants to "give" but because she wants to "take", without your explicit comprehension of what's going on. Call it what you want-I call it an abuse of power and she will take advantage of your inexperience.
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (26 September 2005):
 Strange to have your question and a similiar one below you but from a different angle about a man much older than a woman he is attracted to (see answer to that one as well).
Of course people think you should date someone your own age, they are concerned for your welfare and rightly so, but it isn't up to them. You are very young, barely over the legitimate age of consent, and many things could change for you in your life but you seem very mature.
When you say make a go of things with this lady, what do you mean? Make it a committed, permanent relationship? Isn't that what it is now really? Or are you both holding back because of the age issue?
Sit down together and discuss how you feel. Examine the reasons as to why you are together. Consider whether you can make allowances for each other as time goes by. Think about how you will react when people show disrespect, even horror at your relationship. Will you both be able to withstand that? Think especially hard about what you feel for each other. Is it love? Could it stand the test of time or are you both just having some fun together and enjoying being with each other? There isn't anything wrong with that and perhaps you should continue that way if it suits you both.
Can you imagine being with this woman for the rest of your life? Many age gap relationships do work because each individual is able to attain from the relationship what suits them irrespective of their age but saying that, some don't work either. People change and are more likely to the younger they are. This could certainly happen in your case. As you are only 16, there are many things for you to do with your life. Your girlfriend may not feel able to share everything with you. It will be all about the ability to compromise and understand each other that could enable your relationship to work.
Don't rush into anything. Recognise the fact that you are young and the world is your oyster. Settling down doesn't actually have to happen yet for you if you don't wish it to. Go with what you feel, talk about what you feel and then act on it.
Good luck.
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