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female
,
anonymous
writes: Last night I went out with my friend and bumped into a man I fell in love with at school. He was my soulmate. I have been married 8 years been with my husband 14. All this time I have thought about what could have been. We did not sleep together when we were young and I regret it so much. I love my husband and my soulmate is with someone else. We both have chidren. For years I wanted to tell him that I love him. I told him we both know nothing can happen, so why do I still want him? I felt it in the pit of my stomach. We kissed and went further but because we had nowhere to go we never had sex, but I know if we had I would have slept with him. I have never been unfaithful like this before. Please help.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Delila +, writes (26 September 2005):
Hi,
You want to know why you feel so strongly about this old flame. The one you know to be your soul mate? You can not say you truly love someone unless you know them so well that you know their bad qualities as well as their good qualities. The word "soul mate" imply someone with whom you have a special connection going on. Such a lot hangs on those two words. You have an idea in your mind that life with your soul mate would be bliss! You would never stray, you would be madly in love for ever......you have this idea that he was the "one" and that he was the only "one". I don't believe that there is only "one". I believe that we find someone with whom we can find some happiness, someone who is a companion to us, someone with whom we can grow. There is more that one person in the world who would fit this role for anyone of us. Learning to be happy and content with what we have is the hard part. No matter who we are with and how explosive and passionate the sex or the feelings, it all boils down to the mundane things in life like whos turn it is to cook or who forgot to put the garbage out. It is naive to think that being with this old flame would fill the void that you have in your heart. Look inwardly to fill this void for it can not come from another person. Then look to the man with whom you have vowed to spend the rest of your life. While you still have the light from an old flame burning somewhere inside you, can you not see fit to give some energy to that long slow burning fire you have with your husband, you know each other better than anybody else in the world and after all these years together you have a mature love that can never be equalled.
Please don't throw this away.
Delila
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