A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ive been "seeing" this girl for a couple weeks now, we hang out a lot, sleep over, bring each other food to work etc.., basically we get along very well and she has told me she likes me, but she is in the middle of a divorce and told me she dosent want to get into anything right away but could see something between us in the future.I respect her decision and im willing to be her friend and wait until shes ready, but this is all besides the fact, the question ive come to ask you all is that i want to buy her a xmas gift, something not horribly expensive but something she needs and would love, but i told her i wanted to buy her something and she said not to, and later i asked her why and she just said because i dont want anything, just save your money please.Now i know a lot of girls say they dont want anything but they actually want something, is this the same thing you think? should i buy her the gift anyway, or should i take her advice and not buy it?, i really think she would love what i want to get her. but i dont want her to get mad at me if i do indeed buy it.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2009): I'm a girl and I tell guys not to buy me things as well when secretly I do want them to.
I think in her situation she would probably feel really weird about getting a present from some other guy straight away after her divorce and doesn't want it to look like shes divorcing this other guy for you though. She probably would feel really awkward and confused and scared inside if you gave her this lovely big present being in her situation and get angry to you. So I advise against buying her a present.
I suggest you make her a card. A completely homemade one and very personal and don't be afraid to get all creative. The only things you should buy for her should be for this card i.e. paper, pens, paint, feathers haha... whatever
s going on the card and make it look really pretty but small so she can keep it as a reminder of what you two have and when shes having her alone time she won't have a bunch of expensive roses which are gonna die soon, or a fat box of chocolates that will make her feel like a fatty later or some expensive jewellery that would make her feel a bit like youre paying her in exchange for the relationship later on or something strange but simply a nice card that she can pick up and read what you wrote to her and smile to herself and think of you kind of thing.
Goodluck!
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (3 December 2009):
Okay, I've been guilty of this. I only would say it because I didn't want the guy to feel pressured, but at the same time I was secretly hoping that he would get me something anyway. Of course don't spend a lot of money on a gift, maybe her favorite movie or book she might like...women always like something thoughtful. Or like someone else suggested, take her to the movies or something. Maybe go to lunch or dinner and a movie. Just a nice date to spend time together for Christmas.
By the way, I'm sorry to knock the box of chocolates idea...but I HATE boxes of chocolates for any ocassion! Not because I hate chocolate, but because I love it so much I eat the whole box in one whole sitting then feel like a fat ass. So if she's conscious about stuff like that, I wouldn't get her a box of chocolates.
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A
female
reader, Emjo  +, writes (3 December 2009):
 Perhaps if you want to get her sometihng, get her something really small like a box of chocolates... that way your showing you care and not totally going against her wishes. Explain to her you know she said she didnt want anything but you are such good friends it didnt feel right not to get her anything at all, also stress you dont expect anything in return for your gesture! :) Good luck x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2009): She said she wants to stay friends right? At least for now? Friends gift each other :) Just get her something silly that'll make her laugh, maybe even something that's not really a gift but something you two can do together for fun. Like you can treat her to her next meal together with you as your gift to her.
Do NOT spend money on the gift if you can avoid it, maybe even get her something you have laying around at your place that you can re-give to her. Maybe you have a funny tea-cup you never use?
However, I do not think she will get you anything back, so to avoid any embarrassment and awkward moments, make it funny, and out of the traditional Christmas-gift exchange setting.
If you are not sure, don't get her anything. She's not expecting it. Just next Christmas, when you two feel more comfortable about where you stand, give her something a little special? Just an idea, so you wont feel like you're not giving her anything all. And remember, to give her your friendship can be the best gift in the world.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2009): I would make her a card.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (3 December 2009):
Don't get her a present. She's probably confused and hurt enough, to have patience with her. If you want to do something, offer to take her to the cinema or something, where there's no pressure.
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A
male
reader, Heartbroken in love +, writes (3 December 2009):
I would take it a step further. Not only don't get her anything for xmas but don't even tie yourself around her in any way. Completley just wait for her to come to you
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (3 December 2009):
I think she has made herself clear.
She does not want to be obligated to you and in debt to you.
How horrible would it seem of her to accept a gift and then when the divorce is through, start dating someone else?
She wants to keep things friendly and uncomplicated so respect that. If I was in her shoes then I wouldn't want the pressure of knowing there was a guy waiting for me and planning a relationship and investing in gifts.
If you want to get her something then buy her a 50p chocolate bar and tie a ribbon round it. It's sweet but will not make her feel pressured.
Good Luck!! xx
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