A
female
age
36-40,
*ayx
writes:right here goesim 21 years old im pregnant and facing one of the hardest desicions i think il ever have to make......my partner of 5 years and my 2 year old daughters dad has informed me he doesnt want another chid and wants me to have a abortion. i have always said i would never do this, i know we are good parents and i know we would be to another baby however he doesnt want another child and i dont think i would ever forgive myself for having a abortion but on the other hand if i do have the baby he might resent it for the rest of his life so i just dont know what to do. all i have done for 3 days is sit and cry and it isnt no good for me or the people around me.should i stick by my beliefs and keep the baby and risk my relationship and my daughters relationship with her father? or should i give in and have the abortion and hope i can live with myself?
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female
reader, bril brunett 91  +, writes (19 March 2009):
 I suppose my situation is a bit different to yours.
My father made me have an abortion three months ago, I am only seventeen.
I will never be able to forgive myself for letting my baby go. It wouldnt be so bad if i was made to adopt the baby out when it was born, so it would have the chance to be loved like i never was as a child.
I am by no means religious but i suffer everyday when i remember that my baby died without having a cuddle, without feeling loved.
Some days i consider how easy it would be just to drive off the nearest road bridge or that those pill in the medicine cupboard, I don't want to live.
Please spare yourself this grief.
Have the abortion only if YOU feel that it is best.
Don't let anyone else sway your decision, you will regret it if you do.
A
female
reader, ambermckinzie  +, writes (25 February 2009):
Yes abortion is so wrong.... Evryone should have a chance in the world!! And if he don't want another child then tell him to stop having sex with you r something just please DO NOT Get an abortion!!! N u will have to stand befor god for everything you do... I'm pro life I got to conferernces to protest again abortion... But rly it's a baby... Think about how cute n small n what it can be one day... N all the stuff this world has to offer... He/she won't be able to experance it... Evry deserves a chance to enjoy life... His fault he brought it into the world he needs to take up for the responsibltys!!! I'll keep u n my prayers.... God bless :)
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A
male
reader, Tomas +, writes (3 February 2009):
Remember adoption is another option; if your concern is guilt over abortion, and his concern is the raising of another child, these two concerns are not incompatible. If you can have a talk with him, starting out explaining how you understand what he is feeling, and showing how what you are feeling doesn't need to "overrule" him, how neither of you wants to live with the other one resentful, the talk could be productive.
You might even get lucky and find that either he grows to want the child, or that you realize you'd rather your child be raised by parents who truly want him/her more than the two of you do.
The risk, of course, is that if you really want to raise another child (abortions aside) and he really does not, then whoever "loses" may resent the other for their loss.
It's the difference between saying "neither of us knows how we will feel, let's give it an honest chance to see what works best for both of our happiness" and saying "we both know what we want, but we'll pretend to look out for each other while maneuvering to get what we want for ourselves."
Ultimately, whether you have the child is your decision. And as a parent (and the one who wants the child more), whether you raise the child is your decision. It's your body and your life. But your husband's body and life are similarly his, and his presence (physically and emotionally) are his decision.
Finally, not so much to you (who are living this) as to those who may end up in similar situations, this is why you HAVE to talk about pregnancy, birth control, and children. Unprotected sex can lead to unwanted pregnancies. Fighting over who has to suffer the consequences (abortion, adoption, unwanted parenthood) can tear relationships and families apart. It's both partners' responsibility.
My heart goes out to you. I wish you all the best. Remember you have time; don't be rushed.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (2 February 2009):
 If you got to ask, the answer is no.
Mind you that doesn't make it any easier to deal with the situation. Yes, this might cause a rift.
But if you fear he might resent you for giving birth to this baby, isn't the change equally great you will resent him for making you have an abortion?
Funny thing, I am willing to bet a very large sum of money on the fact that he wants YOU to have an abortion because he doesn't want another kid but HE isn't going to have a vasectomy to make having another kid impossible.
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A
female
reader, didda123 +, writes (2 February 2009):
 I'm so sorry you are in this predicament and having to make a major decision with little support.
I think you should do what you feel in your heart, if you have always disagreed with abortion you will find it hard to come to terms with and once you have gone through with it you will have to live with that decision for the rest of your life.
You will have to consider the possibility that your boyfriend may not hang around if you do go ahead but i doubt it it is more likely a loose threat but nevertheless a possibility.
I can't honestly see that he would resent the baby should you go ahead but maybe you should try talking about the situation again and hopefully reach an amicable decision.
Good luck x
You have been together five years and already have a daughter together he needs to be a little bit more supportive
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A
female
reader, audie  +, writes (2 February 2009):
 you should realy sit down and talk to your boyfriend and tell him exactly how you feel. at the end of the day its you who'll have to deal with your conscience. this is a very serious issue which might leave you scarred both emotionally and physically so if u arent 100% sure then dont. if he loves you he'll understand or at least try.
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A
female
reader, Auntie Stoned +, writes (2 February 2009):
If he doesnt want another child, he should have discussed with you first before sowing his oats in you NOT after the baby has life in your womb. Let me tell you what, keep the baby no matter what. If he resents you, tell him to take a hike. There are many childless couples in this world that desperately want children that they even hired surrogate mother from third world countries to carry their fetus.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (2 February 2009):
If you don't think you can live with yourself afterwards then DO NOT do it. I'm all for fathers' rights but you are the one who has to live with it, you are the one who has to open your legs and get some doctor to do things inside you to get rid of it.
You say he's your "partner" of 5 years, and yes he is the father of your other 2 children, but lets say you do get an abortion and then he leaves you anyway? Then how will you feel? He's hardly signed up for life here. He has made no formal commitment to you other than getting you pregnant and in this day and age, that is not enough.
Tell him that you cannot get an abortion, and you are sorry but if he didn't want kids he should have had a vasectomy.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, greg290352 +, writes (2 February 2009):
 Assuming that the pregnancy was an "accident" then your partners negativity towards your having another kid is odd. Of course tne new baby will cost money but generally less than the first baby. Especially if the same sex. You both need to talk the issue through. It is unfair of him to try and force you get an abortion. The final decision has to be yours even if that risks the relationship in my view. Good luck.
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