A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My Boyfriend recently asked me to let him "smash" (have sex). i told him yes. and he started to get more into it. I havent let him yet but i am going too. He asked me the other day if i "sucked dick" and i told him no he asked me would i do it for him. and i tld him it was gross and what would it make me look like if i did that for him he siad "his girl". I dont want to tell him no but im not so sure i should "give him head" (suck his dick) Should i suck his dick? does he think this will make us official ("my girl")? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2012): honey he is only asking you.If you don't another woman will.I can guarantee if you had an honest poll of divorced men most would say this is one of many reasons for the divorce.
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (21 September 2010):
 NOOOOOO! wrong guy to go down on. Find a guy you want to go down on and make him your guy. This dude is a player and could give a flip less about you.
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A
female
reader, darksecretangel  +, writes (7 May 2007):
 hun he is trying to make you do something that you dont want to do thats wrong!! say no you have the right to say no and tell him that you dont feel comfotable about it. if he is nice then he will repect your thoughts and not pressure you by saying if you give him head then you will be his girl ^o) gud luck on this hunni
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A
male
reader, Dr. Reality Check +, writes (7 May 2007):
 This guy sounds vile! Why would you possibly desire to be with such a person?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2007): He sounds horrible. Dump him!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2007): Listen to all the good advice given you. I have just a few comments to add and I want to begin by asking you...Why don't you want to tell him no, hun? You have the right to say 'no' to anything and anyone that asks you to do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. Look at this guy's behaviours...he asked you to do something, you told him how it made you feel (gross) but he still told you if you do it, it would make 'his girl'. What a line! Any young guy who talks to you in this way to, does not respect you. You have got to see that, don't you? Sucking someone's penis doesn't make you anyone's girl but it could ruin your reputation, thus putting your self-love and confidence into the dumpster. Why on earth would you allow another person to do that to you? Now ask yourself, does this guy make it clear in all his actions and words, every day...that you are special to him and he is thinking only about your happiness because from what you said in the your posting...I get a feeling, your answer will be "No" and this is so sad..because you are are settling for nothing. Why don't you do the smart thing and put this fellow into the dumpster. He's not thinking of you...he's only thinking of what he wants.
Now having said all that and if you are still considering giving him what he wants, then I have to tell you something very, very important. Adolescent girls who have a very strong self-esteem, would give a guy like this, his walking papers. Girls with a lot of pride and self-love would not engage in these behaviours just to 'get a boyfriend'. Ask yourself...do you truely value who you are? I sure hope you do, hun because valuing yourself and having high self-esteem is something one needs to use full force when they come up against challenges like this, in their life.
I suggest, before you make any decisions in regards to this guy..you need to find someone to talk to. Like an Aunt, your Mom, an older sister, a female teacher, a school counselor...anyone that you can trust fully and you know can advise you wisely and encourage you in the right direction. Know that it’s OK to share your feelings, concerns or fears. Talking about things is one of the best ways to explore your own feelings. Next, think about doing other things you love to do and distract yourself from boys like the guy you have described in this posting. He's a no gooder. I think you know that. Participate in sports. Volunteer your time for organizations you feel strongly about: eg:, a local hospital, a local animal shelter, youth groups, charitable causes, etc. You need to try your best to be the best. And I know you can do it. Try your best to succeed, but don’t get down if you meet challenges along the way. It really is true that we learn more from our failures than our successes, so try to look at everything as a learning opportunity.
Now, do the right thing and tell him No, and walk away. And if you find a decent guy to date...make absolutely sure he respects you for who you are...not what you can do for him. The only way to doing this, no sex! Judging by your age..dating should be fun and lighthearted, making new and wonderful friends...sex shouldn't even be in the picture. Save all that until you are mature enough and old enough to handle the consequences of such an act. One last word....Don't ever, ever allow any guy to treat you this way again. Love yourself and remember how great you are. Mother Irish has spoken (lol) Take care, dear and good luck.
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A
female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (6 May 2007):
 honey u shouldnt do anythin if ur not completely comfortable, plus i dont like the way he's talking to you its quite vulgar. you are still quite young to be having sex and if your not 100% then dont do it. he should understand and respect wat you dont want to do.he is asking you to do these things and you should not say yes unless you want to. is this guy saying that if you do this for him he'll say your his girlfriend??? this guy sounds like an absolute bastard - excuse my language. you deserve someone who is gonna treat you right and not force you to do anything wat he is doing sounds like blackmail to me and he shoudnt get away with that - dont let him xxx
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (6 May 2007):
 Sweetness, you should never do anything you're not comfortable with. I know that you like this guy, but to be honest he sounds like a little bit of a jerk. Any guy should be happy to be with you even WITHOUT the sexual pieces. If you tell him that you think it's gross and you don't want to, he should let it go and leave it at that.
I wouldn't sleep with him until he proves that he's worth it. My personal rule? If they can go for 6 months dating you exclusively without going farther than 1st or 2nd base, it's a good sign that they're for real and not out just to get a piece of booty.
Watch out for these guys! You don't want to get hurt from a guy like this. Men will come and go, but YOU come first, alright?
Good luck, girlfriend. There are tons of great guys out there who would love to have a girl like you.
xxIndia
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A
female
reader, in my opinion +, writes (6 May 2007):
 if you feel you have to do this for him to be made his girl officially then maybe he is not worth it. you should only do things you feel comfy doin and above all he should have respect for your decisions. stay strong and seriously think about it.
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (6 May 2007):
 If you want my honest opinion here I would say you'd be absolutely nuts to do this. You are very young, not even the consential age to have sex. Boys tell you what you want to hear... don't let him fool you, he's using you for his own self gratification. If you DO "suck him" then he'll be laughing up his sleeve thinking he's got an easy one here. He'll neither love you or respect you for it either and you can bet he'll be bragging to his friends about it too. Your name would be mud!
Have some pride in yourself and tell him he's got the wrong girl. He may finish with you but hey... do you really want a guy taking advantage of you so young in your life? The very fact that you feel uncomfortable about doing this act with him talks for itself. Kick him to the kerb! ;o)
Eve
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