A
female
age
36-40,
*angerouslove.
writes:The boy I was inlove with in my past. Is now that one I offically hate. He cheated on his girlfriend with me, and now I feel as if I should use it has revenge to get back at him. I know this would probably ruin his whole life, and I don't want to have to be the one to do that, but I am so hurt and upset right now, because some of his friends told me that he hopes I die! He hopes I die? He is having sex with me the day after he says that kind of stuff! I don't know, what I should do. He's hurting her, and she doesn't even know yet, and he's pretending he hates me at the same time. This is all an act for his friends. But his girlfriend should know, shouldn't she? Or are some things best left unsaid ..Help!
View related questions:
revenge Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2008): Sorry some of us (blushes) may have been rude to you and hurt your feelings Dangerouslove, but that is in the past now just like your mistakes with this man are in the past. You have dealt with your ex kindly and are now ready to move on. I am impressed with your actions and doubt you will be in such a sticky position again. Good luck in whatever you do, and all the aunts and uncles at dear cupid wish you well.
A
female
reader, dangerouslove. +, writes (16 June 2008):
dangerouslove. is verified as being by the original poster of the question I want to thank those, who actually gave me advice.
Not the ones who we're rude about my mistakes in return.
I wanted to let you all know that, I didn't tell his girlfriend. While, my Ex-boyfriend and I cleared the air about some unsolved issues. I decided it's not my place to tell her, because I am only trying to hurt her and make him unhappy in the end. It is definetly a lose - lose situation. I told him to straighten up and make up for his mistakes. I know I need to do the same, because I am not innocent in this situation. I made a mistake, hoping to get him back in the end. But it didn't work, so I hope this has taught me a lesson.
Thanks for all your great advice.
Take care!
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2008): I don't think you are owning up to your role in putting yourself in this position. You knew what you were getting into, you chose to get into it anyway, and now you're crying because the 100% predictable thing happened in the end.
Time to grow up.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2008): Yes his girlfriend should know, but it's not your right to tell her. Your not her friend, you just want to hurt her and make her cry. I must be honest, you don't sound like a nice person. You slept with this man knowing he had a girlfriend, you didn't care about how she felt. Now you want to hurt her and make her cry. Why? What did she ever do to you? I hope nobody ever treats you the way you and this man have treated this girl.
You tried to steal her man, and you couldn't. He loves her not you. He was using you for sex and you knew this. He wasn't your boyfriend, he was already with somebody else. Forget your vengence and be glad in the knowledge that he is now out of your life and can never hurt you again. You know, and I know that this man will be unfaithfull and hurt this girl again, but don't let the woman that hurts her be you. Try to become a nice person, let this thing go and consider yourself lucky that your free to find someone better to love.
...............................
A
female
reader, supermum  +, writes (14 June 2008):
 you have to be very carefull.... let sleeping dogs lie, grow up a bit and dont go out with anyone who is already taken....
i dont mean to be rude but you need to think about how your actions could affect other people. it takes two to tango
...............................
A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (14 June 2008):
 I couldn't agree more with Namatjira's words of advice.
You are hurt by the fact that you have heard second hand about what he supposedly said about you. Do you even know for sure that he said these things as they are coming back to you secondhand so to speak.
If you have issues with him then talk to him but don't put the cat amongst the pigeons with his girlfriend as this will only look like sour grapes, you can't have him so why should his girlfriend. She is a big girl herself and if she cannot see that he is playing her like a fiddle then that is her problem.
I know you think you are doing her a favour by telling her but perhaps she is as guilty as him, was she also seeing someone else whilst he was seeing you? Who knows.
I would move on with your life and if you are truly bothered about this then ask to talk to him privately - if he refuses then walk away with your head held high and if you constantly hear the fact that he hates you then why not just say to his so called friends, 'you don't know the half of it, so don't believe everything you hear'.
In that way, you have left a huge question mark over the whole thing and it is him that might contact you and not the other way round. If he confronts you say to him that you don't appreciate the way he has been slagging you off one minute and then jumps into bed with you the next and you just want it to stop as it is so juvenile this behaviour and you at least deserve some respect and not being goaded by his friends.
Just continue with your life and find a guy who is so much more than this loser, you are so much better off without him and his girlfriend is welcome to a moron like that.
Keep smiling sweetheart, you will get through this, the pain is what is hurting you right now but whilst you let it fester then he is winning and you are not. Show him you don't care and that none of it is getting to you. He is probably just worried that you might spill the beans on him and that is why he has said this about you so that it sounds like you are just getting back at him and there is no truth to what you say so it could as Namatjira says, bite you on the bum if you did try to tell his girlfriend as she probably wouldn't believe you anyway and he has probably told her that you are after him and not the other way round in any case. You could wind up with egg on your face if you go down the route of telling her that is all I am saying.
Take care.
BFN
Country Woman
...............................
A
male
reader, Namatjira +, writes (14 June 2008):
I think you need to carefully think about your motives. Are you hoping that if you tell her, she will dump him and he can be yours? Perhaps you just want to hurt him because he hurt you? Maybe there are other reasons.
While owning up is a good thing generally, the motive is also important. If your motive is just to hurt or get even then it will only come back to bite you at some point. If on the other hand you are trying to straighten out your own life and this is part of that, then it will still hurt and may affect you in the future but your defence is that you made a mistake and now wanted to try and put things right again. Either way, by cheating with him you are both hurt out of this.
What I can tell you is that hurting someone just because you are hurt is both childish and not very useful. Really think carefully. If the truth is that you still want him for you, then you need to have a good talk with him, somewhere in the open where you both will not get distracted. If he feels the same, then you have a different problem to the one you asked about, but at least you know what you want to achieve. On the other hand if you really do not want anything to do with him from now on, then back off. Get your own head straight and move on with your life. You can only heal if you leave the wound alone. Keep picking at it and you will only scar yourself emotionally.
All the best.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2008): Yeah, I would say she deserves to know. Would you want to if you were in her situation?
She should know that her boyfriend is an asshole. She might think it's a serious relationship. She deserves better, just like you do.
Forget this guy. He's clearly an idiot. Don't take his insults personally, he's obviously a bit effed up in the head.
Good luck :)
...............................
A
female
reader, Queeny  +, writes (14 June 2008):
 Honey revenge is not only said to be bad for moral judgment purpose but it is becoz of what it does to an individual. the hate and resentment shall grow much more in your heart after you do this and it won't make everything better if anything the vileness in this vile man will be transfered to you becoz it is negative energy with alot of consequences when let into the doors of your heart. do not do this only to regret later that it has changed the goodness in you. In the first place why were you involved with your ex-bf who clearly has moved on with his life and infact has had a gf?? if you knew he had a gf i would say that you brought this all up to yourself. now how could you then be the one with the log on your eye see the speck of dust in his eye..?? (i am only assuming if you knew he had a gf). and why does he resent you the same way, could you have led him on sweetie, if so why not get past it and forgive him and yourself.
as it would also be very good for the other gal to know what a jerk her current bf is, i don't believe your intention is 'rescue' this gal out of good intends as you are even clearly putting it that you want to get at your exbf in revenge. if this is the case then there is no need of telling the gal until your conscience is clear that you are doing it out of consideration of her feelings (if you never knew she was ur ex's gf). Otherwise you will also hurt her as much as you are hurting right now.
for this guy wishing that you were dead, do you mind telling us why you may think he feels this way. coz he is clearly equally angry at you as much as you are to him. you probably have done the same mistakes but thinking you are both wonderful people.
cool down first of all as anything you do out of anger will definately be regretable later. control your emotions and calm down. take care...
...............................
|
