A
female
age
51-59,
*rayerchangesthings
writes:My husband had an affair on our marriage 2 yrs ago I thought I forgave him but in my heart I'm still hurting about it.. The hurt is not trusting him anymore I admit I stayed with him but only because I'm a homemaker haven't worked in over 10 yrs was at home taking care of 7 kids, I didnt believe I can make it on my own. I'm a christian and I honor my relationship with Christ but I'm tired and want my marriage to end.To be honest I've fallen in love with another man. The crazy thing is, that we barely talk but when we do the chemistry is so strong that a blind man can sense it.. Please help with the question it means a lot to me.. I'm praying to get this mental affair out of my mind but I'm still not sure about my marriage.P.S. we never got couseling my husband blames me for everything and its killing me sofly..
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2008): I think you have two problems.
One of them is that you didn't leave your husband after the affair because you, "...didn't believe I can make it on my own." Leaving your husband now to be with someone else isn't going to help you with this. You will be stronger and happier in a relationship if you take the time to prove to yourself that you CAN make it on your own. There are a lot of organizations out there to help support single parents that you should take advantage of if you do decide your marriage is not worth saving.
I think your other problem is your metal affair. You havn't forgiven your husband for his affair and his is making you feel badly about yourself, then along comes this other person who makes you feel special. Your heart doesn't even have a chance. Of course it is an attractive option to be with the person who makes you feel special. However, the fact that you are even considering staying with your husband makes it clear that you still love him dispite his character weaknesses. You need to go to councelling and find out if he still loves and respects you. Maybe he doesn't realize how seriously you are considering leaving him? If he refuses to go to councelling, that is your answer. If he wont even go to councelling to save your marriage, it isn't fair that you be the only person working on it.
A
female
reader, mum and 1  +, writes (14 June 2008):
first of all you have to remove yourself from this man your attracted to while he is in the picture you cannot work out what you truly want. talk to your husband go for concelling to see if your marriage is worth fighting for. if not then you can move on and you can do it alone, look to friends and family for suport it will be hard at first but it will get esaier and you can do it! you have your faith to help you though and dont be afraid to ask family and friends for help with your children. be strong keep your faith and never doubt or deny your true feelings. good luck
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (14 June 2008):
 Hmmm I think you have answered your own question here. No counselling means that you have never addressed the issues that made this affair happen in the first place.
No matter how hard you try you cannot move on with your life until you have dealt with the issues between you and your husband.
Having 7 children means I don't think there would be much time to do anything else I must admit.
If there is NO love between you and your husband then you both need to sit down and discuss this. However I would think that by trying some counselling shows your husband that you are not prepared to give up without addressing these issues, if he will not take part then you have tried eveything, however if he agrees then you should go and do the sessions no matter what the outcome is.
I feel that the fact that you are drawn to someone else whilst still married means that you need to close one door first before opening up a whole bag of worms that would only implicate this new guy if things got nasty in a divorce court.
Wipe the slate clean first with the issues in your marriage and I am sure that if that is done you can move forward without having any guilt or fear that you could have saved your marriage if only you had gone to counselling.
The pain of an affair do not disappear overnight but it is usually because there are problems within a relationship that things go that far and the couple are not communicating . I am not saying you are to blame but a relationship should be 50/50 and when the balance is thrown off kilt then there is usually a reason behind it.
I personally went through a lot of counselling when my relationship came to a head and it has helped me deal with a lot of other problems in my life like the death of my father and coping day to day so I think the benefits of counselling outweigh the negatives.
At least try one session and see where you go from there.
BFN
Country Woman
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