A
male
age
36-40,
*ndy00
writes:Should I get my ex a birthday card?We have had trouble talking since we split 2 months ago.. 2 months today, actually, and so, I'm not sure we are actually speaking at the moment. I told her I didn't think we should, because anytime we do I get emotional and start talking about the break up and how we should try to make things work again. She seems a little sensitive about things too. She seems to get very annoyed and sometimes snaps at me when we talk. We recently argued about Dancing of all things, recently, as well as when I told her I was going to meet a friend I met over the internet.. Maybe she had reason too then. That was probably a little incosiderate of me, but after all, she has been saying for a good while now how she's over it.But anyway, her birthday is on the 30th of this month. I told her that I would send her a card, but I'm not sure if I should do any more than that; Her favourite chocolates, for example. I'm the type of guy who likes to make people feel special, but maybe in her case, I need to ease this habbit?What does everybody think?: A card, A card and chocolates, or maybe even; nothing at all?? I know some of you have said that I should do nothing before, so I'm interested to hear what you think now. Please answer this, as I'll actually need to sort out posting whatever I send within the week!Many thanks!
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female
reader, Oblivia  +, writes (30 August 2007):
 Andy,
It sounds like a real nice card. She will find it nice and not at all under- or overdone.
Also, it is not at all wrong to feel the way you do. It is perfectly normal, you still love her. As you say, you can't help what you are feeling.
Very good of you to have a party with your friends around tonight, it will help you focus on other thing than her.
I wish you a real good evening/party,
Take care!
A
male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (30 August 2007):
Andy00 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Well all, today is the day.
I sent the card away yesterday, so she should get it this morning. It was quite a nice one. Had a cartoon cat holding up a sign saying "You're 18, That's great!!" and inside "Now you can legally do the things you do already". Should raise a dry smile. As far as what I wrote, it was simply "*her name* hope you have a great day, and have a lot of fun tonight (she's having a party tonight). All the best. With love from Andy *kisses*" So, I can't see anything wrong with that.
So now, I'm entering that last day that will hurt me for a while. Today would have been the last/2nd last day that we would have been together. We had no other plans put to paper. So, knowing this, it brings a bit of pain with it. Today I would have been sat with her while she opened her presents and cards. I would have danced with her in the evening at her party, and I would have snuggled into bed with her tonight. I would have spent every moment I could with her, but I can't.
It's probably so far down the line now that it's wrong to be feeling the way I am, but I can't help it. I looked forward to the time we could see eachother so much, to know that all that is happening today is a little hard for me to bear with. On the plus side; I have invited friends round to my house tonight, as summer is nearly over, and summer of them will be moving away to university.
So, there you have it folks. A card has been sent. I'm trying not to expect a thank-you message from her, and I'm just gonna try my best to see the day through, because I think today may hurt.
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A
female
reader, Oblivia +, writes (26 August 2007):
Happy Birthday!-Andy
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A
male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (25 August 2007):
Andy00 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionVery mixed answers, as I predicted, but all delivered very well indeed.As things stand, I feel a little more in the favour of sending just a card. This can't give mixed messages. Just a card works better for me, now that it has been explained to me.I now just worry about over doing it in the card. I know I won't be like "I love you I love you I love you I love you" but I have a habbit of trying to say something sweet, but it is percieved as a "guilt trip" so to speak. I want to sound good, but I don't want to sound cold. A card with simply "Love from Andy" in it is unheared of, and I mean by everyone! Does that make sense?:I don't want to over/under do it. So does anyone have any advice on how I can keep it that way?
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A
female
reader, elizabeth1986 +, writes (25 August 2007):
hi, hun if she's saying she is over it then maybe just get on with your life too. Its great staying friends but sometimes one person wants to get back together and the other doesnt and it can be confusing for you both. so i'd say play it cool and send a nice text message or nice email, or maybe just a phone call on the day. that way she knows u remembered her birthday but your kind of making a statement to say "im not your boyfriend anymore, and i cant do the same things that i used to for you". its difficult to remain friends when there are so many raw feelings, just let them die down and and stay on good terms i'd say. Good luck :-)
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (25 August 2007):
 There is no reason why you can't both still get along, infact it is a good thing. So i say go ahead and get her the card and chocolates.
good luck
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A
female
reader, Oblivia +, writes (25 August 2007):
Yes, I think you can send her a birthday card. It is a nice thing to do and will be an honest wish from your heart that you wish her all the best on her special day.I don't think however that you should send her any present. That is a little overdo regarding your situation. She might percieve that as something else than just a nice gesture. I know you are a good, sensitive guy who wants to make people feel special, and that is a very good thing to do and you shouldn't ever stop wanting to do that, but this girl has made it clear that she doesn't wish to be special to you anymore and therefore she might get whole other feelings about a present from you right now.I also speak from my own experience in this. My ex-ex keeps giving me small presents all the time and it feels really awkward to me. To keep them feels wrong and to return them feels awkward because it hurts his feelings. Whatever I do I feel bad about it and it makes me feel very annoyed with him for doing this.Send her a nice birthday card only saying best wishes. She will like that and she will not be annoyed with you for doing that. And then don't call or text her on her birthday, leave her be then. If you would get into an argument with her on that day she will always remember this about you happening on her 18th birthday.Take good care Andy, my heart is with you!
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A
male
reader, jm81690  +, writes (25 August 2007):
 Well man if you still like her and want to clean the slate I'd say don't give up and give her a card and some chocolates.
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