A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My bf is no longer attracted to me since weve had children. I gained 70 lbs with the first but nothing with the second. They are 15 months apart and our second was born 3 months ago. I have horrible stretchmarks. Worse than anyone ive ever seen. I understand why hes not attracted to me but idk what to do about it. I have started dieting and exercising but im considering finding him a sex partner. Only sex thats it. We havent had sex in about two weeks which is a long time for me. But i want him to enjoy sex and because hes not attracted to me well then he cant really enjoy it. Any opinions?
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (15 August 2011):
God girl, do you consider yourself so unworthy you allow your man to have sex with someone else? If he loves you he'd be horrified to hear this. Don't be so hard on yourself! You've had two kids, it takes a while to bounce back from that. You're young and though the stretch marks may seem unsightly now they will improve drastically as your body starts balancing itself out again.
Even celebrities like Jessica Alba and supermodels like Adriana Lima have confessed getting back into shape was hard. Jessica Alba worked out 6 hours a day and was on a strict diet for half a year to get her old figure back in time for the filming of a new movie. Adriana Lima got up every day at 5 or 6am for workouts.
With hard work and a consistent lifestyle, you can whip yourself back into shape. You don't have to be as drastic as the celebrities. Just eat healthily, work out when you can (there are a lot of short, but effective video workouts listed on this free website: www.bodyrock.tv) and watch your body transform.
Take extra effort in exfoliating and moisturizing your skin. Don't waste money on stretch marks creams or stuff like that. I tried everything in that regard and nothing works. So don't waste your money.
Also, tell your fiancee that though you understand how he feels about your body, he needs to be fair and allow your body the time to recover from these pregnancies. You've carried 2 children to full term, that means +/- 18 months of discomfort. He should respect you for it and respect your efforts. Also, half of the attraction is about how you carry yourself. Try to be confident regardless of how you feel about your body currently. The vibe you'll give off is attractive and that's half the battle.
So cut yourself some slack. Treat yourself on a nice spa treatment, maybe a new hairdo or a new makeup kit. Try to feel more beautiful while you work on getting your body how you want it to be. Just be realistic.
Marriage is about being there for each other through thick and thin. This is one of those trials. Face it head on, don't run and don't offer him alternatives that are degrading to yourself.
A
female
reader, bunnyblueeyes  +, writes (15 August 2011):
 What about you? You like sex too. Would you then find someone else who does feel attracted to you? I bet you wouldn't, because you love your partner and want him.
He says he loves you too, and if that's true I doubt hed go for the idea anyway. Give it time my love.
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A
female
reader, GardenLover +, writes (15 August 2011):
 It seems like it took a long time to make the babies and the relationship. It will also take a while to recover. When you are more fit and toned and those stretch marks become less obvious, you will feel more confident. If you were in love to begin with, it will bring it all back :)
Also, there are dermo treatments that will make new stretch marks lighten like old ones. And, have you checked out the web site Shape of a Mother? There are tons of stories of women embracing their post pregnancy bodies and it's quite inspirational.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2011): i think if hr really loved you he wouldnt want you to do that for him as he may well just go and get with someone else! dont bring yourself down give it time your baby is only 3 months old simple things like walking and cutting out sugary foods and drinks will help, i feel for you as i put on alot of weight after my first baby and i fely self concious, he shoiuldnt say hes not attracted to you if he really loves you just try talking about things and see how that goes tell him how you feel good luck x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2011): Hi I am the OP of this post. He told me hes unattracted to me. We havent had sex as often because of it... He told me that too. Dont get me wrong he says he loves me and the boys and he wouldnt trade them for the world. But then he also says hes unattracted to me and thats why we he hasnt wanted sex lately... Im to the point where I think it would be better if he had sex with someone else because he doesnt want that with me. I dont know what other solution there is.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (15 August 2011):
 Why would you do this? Do you have so little faith in his love for you? I realize you aren't feeling attractive about yourself right now (I had 2 children, I know the feeling!) but PLEASE give him and YOURSELF some credit ok? I'm sure he loves you and maybe he senses your feelings and so is backing off, not quite sure what to do. I can guarantee that you are exhausted from having 2 small children, and probably don't have alot of extra time, but it only takes a few minutes to put on a little lipstick and fix your hair so that YOU feel pretty! You're working on getting back in shape, good for you! Stretch marks are horrible, but they do fade, and there are products that will help them fade faster...vitamin E, cocoa butter, stri-vectin, and (not quite sure about this next one)..something called bio cream. Try them, drink lots of water. Talk to your man, tell him how you want to be romantic again, and you aren't feeling good about yourself. Explain to him that you don't feel your best, but you still want to feel loved and wanted. It might make him feel better to get things out in the open. Please don't sell yourself short and throw in another woman! That will NOT make you feel better at all. Give yourself a break sweetie...don't assume the worse ok? Take care of yourself and be confident in his love. But don't put other women in his way.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 August 2011):
 Perhaps it's more because YOU don't feel attractive that he's acting the way he is? 70 pounds is a lot but then so is having 2 babies 15 months apart you have essentially spent the last 2 years pregnant..
He loves you and the children... give him some credit sweetie..
love yourself and be the sexiest woman you can be... the biggest sex organ we have is what's between our ears...
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A
female
reader, bunnyblueeyes +, writes (15 August 2011):
Please don't get him a sex buddy!!! That will be the end of you're relationship. (He may fall in love with her, or believe you're okay with an open relationship and want to carry it on after you want it to stop).
Has he told you he finds you unattractive or do You think he does? There's a difference. Your parner should love your body whatever, your stretchmarks and extra weight are a small downside to giving him two beautiful children, fairly vlose together.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2011): Do you love one another? if so sex with someone else even if it means nothing is going to get both of you hurt.If he loves you then he will always enjoy sex with you,it is special. Talk to him about how you feel and about the situation. 2 weeks isn't that long and how about trying new things in the bedroom to liven things up, he will be more than attracted to you then.
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