A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been going out for 4 years. We do not live together and we are both virgins. He recently confessed that has watched porn at least once a week for the last 3 years. I was really hurt when he told me. He seemed to feel bad about it and promised to never do it again. He said that when he looked at it "something just overcame him, but thats not the real him". Should I believe that he will stop? Should I dump him or keep him and move on?
View related questions:
both virgins, move on, porn Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, LIERIN +, writes (7 January 2009):
 Eh not only guys watch porn .. its perfectly normal for women or men ..
A
female
reader, Susan Walsh +, writes (5 January 2009):
I agree that it is perfectly normal and healthy for guys to look at porn. In fact, lots of guys view it every day. You might want to check out this post "Do Guys Need Porn?":
http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2008/12/15/whatguyswant/do-guys-need-porn/
Keep him and tell him it's OK. He'll probably continue to watch no matter what, so you might as well allow him to be honest with you.
www.HookingUpSmart.com
...............................
A
female
reader, pastfirst +, writes (5 January 2009):
 Watching porn once a week is completely normal for a young guy.
It arouses him and he enjoys it.
You shouldn't dump him, especially as he's told you he's stopped.
Don't be too harsh on him.
...............................
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (5 January 2009):
 Has your 4 years been quality? Is your sex life (I know you're virgins, but everything else.) fun and satisfactory? Once a week isn't bad, he's just having a little personal time. Do you masturbate? (If you don't while on your own, you totally should. It's a great way to get to know yourself.)
I wouldn't dump him, not if he's a great boyfriend and someone who treats you well, respects and values you. Because you're going to have to search really hard for a gem like that who doesn't watch porn occasionally. Not to say they don't exist, but I think you'll be surprised by how many people involve pornography in their solo masturbating time.
Besides, give him a chance to keep his promise to you!! I just don't think I'd be so quick to dump him just yet.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2009): My relationship is exactly like yours. But I don't mind that my boyfriend watches porn. I know he's attracted to me and shows his affection.
I consider it a normal thing for a healthy 20 year old guy. You should relax and let him do it without feeling guilty.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2009): A lot of men look at porn. It's far from unusual. I wouldn't necessarily dump him. If he's addicted to it and it affects your relationship, then you have a problem that needs to be addressed. If that's not the case, then you may have to re-evaluate your feelings on the matter. If he's looked at it regularly for 3 years, then he's not likely to stop. Often we let our own insecurity cloud the issue here. If it's a compulsion and he'd rather watch porn than spend time with you, I would say move on. If he's looking once a week as you say, that's probably not abnormal and I would cut him some slack. Putting your foot down will only cause him to do it behind your back.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 January 2009):
 I think you should be glad, that he felt he could be honest with you.
Lots of men ( and women) watch and enjoy porn - it's not my cup of tea personally, but lots of people enjoy it.
The fact that he watches porn doesn't mean he isn't attracted to you. He is curious about sex. Even though you are both virgins it doesn't mean he doesn't have sexual urges. And watching porn is not the worst he could do morally. ( my personal opinion)- he's not going to prostitutes or titty bars. He's not cheating.
However, I think he wold stop if he gave you that promise. If it meant that much to you. He seems to care for your opinion and for your feelings.
Talk about it. Make your feelings know. Explain WHY you don't like porn, and why you don't like him watching porn. Talk!
Good luck.
...............................
A
male
reader, planepocket +, writes (4 January 2009):
Pretty much all men look at porn of some kind,even if it's other women just walking around.Porn is anything that turns you on and most people will be turned on by something,it's normal.He might never stop looking at it,but other men may do worse than that.If you can forgive him,It sounds like you have a pretty good guy.Not a saint, but a human.
...............................
A
male
reader, MichaelS2 +, writes (4 January 2009):
 If you love him I think you should talk to him about it.It's normal but I can understand why your feelings have been hurt.I mean the question is kind of vague,But If you made it 4 years than you should talk to him and work it out.I mean you can try watching it with him.Not all porn is that repulsive.However if I were you I'd try watching it with him and experience his experience.I really think if you made it 4 years you shouldn't let something like porn come between you!
...............................
|
