A
female
age
41-50,
*ich33
writes:I have a problem and wondered if you could give me some advice. I met a man about about a month ago he is 46 and I am 33, we have gone out on dates a few times and seem to get on well. The problem is there have been occasions when he has totally ignored my calls and text messages he normally seems to come up with why but it feels like it's an excuse.This leaves me feeling quite confused about what is going on, sometimes I wonder if he is cheating on me but I have no evidence. I haven't met any of his friends yet or anyone who knows who I could ask. He also seems to be secretive about his mobile phone he won't openly let me look at it but this could be my paronia or is it? He doesn't also seem very affectionate in public like holding hands and soemtimes I feel he is distant towards me even after we have slept together.He has told me a bit about his past and I know he has been cheated on before although I am just not sure he is telling me everything as yet. I have also had some bad relationships but never been cheated on.Can you give me some advice? Do I dump him? Should I not keep sending him texts when he ignores me like this?hope you can help
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female
reader, mich33 +, writes (12 January 2009):
mich33 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI actually spoke to him about replying to my texts and he seems more responsive now which is a good thing,. I dont believe he is married or with any other girls so i dont feel he is cheating.
But he still seems distant to me we went out the othe night and i tried to hold his hand for abit but he didnt seem comfortable with it, its not a sex thing either as we dont always have sex everytime we are together so i dont feel he is using me but he just seems distant and not very affectionate towards me whenever i see him.
In his past he was with a women for 7yrs and she cheated on him and women havent treated him very well in past from what he has told me.
just dont know whats going on?? The realtionship seems at a stalemant not going anywhere.
Are guys normally so guarded and distant when they have been cheated on in past?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2009): Well! he sure has some growing up to do at 46, if he wants a relationship with you why does he find it so difficult to answer your calls... Sounds like a player to me. I bet he's a charmer and when he's with you you feel great and then you dont hear from him... not a healthly situation to be in. You sound like a really genuine girl and it would be such a shame to let this guy mess you around. He's probably done this to a lot of girls that's why he hasn't settled at 46. I know it sounds harsh but you have to be realistic if he's like this now imagine what he'll be like in a couple of months when you really start to get feelings for him.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (4 January 2009):
 mich33 is verified as being by the original poster of the question
I have asked him what he wants and he says a relationship. Also i have asked about whether he is single and he says he is..
The only other thing i have noticed is the excuse if it is one is that he has been to see he mum but it dosnet answer why he could text or call me in response to my calls/texts he also stayed there 4 days which seems strange??
Maybe not so strange if he was there over Christmas. But if a grown man at 46 can not return your text/call because he's at his mothers it seems dingy.. Unless there is no reception?
Maybe talk to him about what YOU expect/want in a relationship and see how he feels?
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A
female
reader, mich33 +, writes (4 January 2009):
mich33 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have asked him what he wants and he says a relationship. Also i have asked about whether he is single and he says he is..The only other thing i have noticed is the excuse if it is one is that he has been to see he mum but it dosnet answer why he could text or call me in response to my calls/texts he also stayed there 4 days which seems strange??
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 January 2009):
Is he actually married maybe? (just a guess)
It's really hard to know what really goes on - you have to talk to him. IF he can be open and honest there really isn't much in the future for you two.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2009): Hmmm...this sounds very interesting I dated a guy similar to this a while ago... I wonder if it's the same guy... same age etc... when he first asked me out it was all very exciting as he had quite a high profile job we also got on very well and were very attracted to eachother he also told me about his past and said that he had been in relationships and he had cheated and his partners had also cheated. This went against everything I believed in as I had never cheated with anyone. I used to text him like yourself as I wouldn't hear from him for weeks unless I contacted him he always came back with an excuse. Anyway he decided he wanted to go back to an ex of his and I moved on with my life until a couple of months ago he contacted me again to ask if we could meet for a drink...anyway I declined the offer as he said he was with someone. So to get back to your question I think you should find out exactly what he wants from you apart from the obvious ie does he want a relationship or just a bedmate.. Ask him if he is seeing anyone else, note; you may not like the answer he may have a girlfriend/wife somewhere you dont know about. Don't waste your time on someone who doesn't deserve it. I had to learn the hard way never be second best to anyone. Hope this helps :-)
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