A
male
age
30-35,
*on1991
writes:I just recently broke up with my girlfriend of 6 months and this time I think for good. This was my first serious relationship. I broke up with her 3 times and I know she will not come back. Problem is I still feel very attached to her. Like I lost my best friend. Problem was we where always fighting with each other and trying to control each other. Although we are both very good people, we have said horrible and distributing things to each other in the heat of the moment.This was her first relationship with a guy who never beat or cheated on her. The second time that we broke up I did kiss another girl but, I did not expect that we would get back together. I told her and she got VERY explosive. I apologized to her with all my heart. We never gave each other common courtesy and it was too much drama for me. In terms of morals, looks and qualities she was perfect. The problem was clashing personalities all the time. But I'm becoming insecure and I feel like I will never find a girl like her again. Her old boyfriend keeps trying to get a hold of her and probably already went back with him at least to talk. I know I asked for it because I called it off. But I miss her, and in my head I know I can't handle the drama. What is the best suggestion for me? Move on and be happy without her, or at least check to see if she wants to give it another go?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (9 June 2011):
 Maybe you'll never find another girl like her ..but maybe you don't need another girl like her. Maybe you need someone all different !
The part that you so casually dismiss - incompatible ,clashing personalities that bring to "explosions " and three ( ! ) break-ups in only 6 months- it's actually the most important.
In a way you are like someone who says : oh I found the perfect house, it's fantastic, you should see the location, and the view, and it's so roomy and well built....the only problem is, it has no roof.
Then you cannot live there !
Move on and be happy without her. I know that right now it seems an impossible endeavour, because it was your first significant relationship, but pretty soon you'll realize that , in the grander scheme of things, six months of bickering was... exactly that : not the love of your life, not your only chance for happiness- just six months of up and downs with a girl who's wrong for you.
A
female
reader, based51  +, writes (9 June 2011):
 You listed so many reasons not to get back together. And then your reasons for making up seem to consist solely of the fact that breaking up is hard.
I think you know the answer to this one. When you just don't make each other happy anymore sometimes it's best to just pull the plug even though its hard. Always remember that if you were truly happy you wouldn't have broken up with her in the first place. Breaking up is an indication that something's very wrong.
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A
female
reader, MissTellAll +, writes (9 June 2011):
 I think you should follow your head. You know in your head that you two aren't good for each other right now. You may love each other, but that doesn't mean you're good together. Clashing personalities is something that almost always leads to a big explosion at the end of a relationship, and if you treasure the friendship you have beneath the romance and intimacy you will step out now. I advise you take a break from each other. Talk to other people (not romantically necessarily) and be single for a while. Then when both hearts have had time to mend come back and pursue a friendship. In nooo way will this be easy, the tension will always be between you (I know people who have been broken up with someone for years and when they see them they have to fight the urge to kiss them, hug them, etc.) but fight the urge. Don't give in and build a friendship, and if you realize that a friendship isn't right for the two of you either, well, maybe it's just time to part ways, but peacefully.
If you find that she is experiencing self-destructive behavior (i.e. dating someone who cheated on/is cheating on/beat/beats her) then you might want to step in, but just as a friend again! Other than that though your best chance at happiness is to move on for a while and maybe try again for a friendship. Who knows, maybe if you take a break and come back you'll find that you really can work a romantic relationship- but I wouldn't hold your breath.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (9 June 2011):
 here's the thing. it's so easy to go back to what you know because it's comfortable. it's instant gratification. we could break off a bad relationship and go through the initial hurt of the loss and eventually be okay and move on, or we could start to feel sad and decide to immediately end the sadness by going back and instantly gratifying that desire to fill our loneliness by getting back together with that person.
here's the breakdown: you two aren't compatible. you already know this. you clearly love one another very much. i don't dispute that. but unfortunately, often times, love just isn't enough. i went through this with my last relationship. we broke up and got back together so many times. and we loved each other so much, and we wanted so badly to work out, but no matter how much we wanted it, we couldn't force the compatibility. no matter how many times we broke up and got back together, we still didn't give each other ultimately what we both wanted. we weren't right for each other. and that seems to be the case here.
it's so hard to move on from a relationship when both people still love each other. in a sense, it's almost easier for the other person to say they don't love you or care anymore so you have no choice but to move on. this particular situation is hard, but you're doing the right thing. you two aren't right for each other. if you got back together, you would just remind yourself of that probably within the first 24 hours. just bite the bullet and spend a lot of time with friends and family and do your best to stay busy and distracted. soon this will be a distant memory. good luck. stay strong.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2011): I really don't think you should give it another go unless you think you both have the maturity and commitment to make it work without testing each other through break ups.
Also there is the possibility that you may or may not be compatable? Drama is not necessarily about anything serious sometimes it is a lack of understanding which is normal between all couples to an extent and sometimes it is also expecting too much of the other person rather than just enjoying there company. With these two things in mind I feel you should both get closure on this and have a final 'meetin'g keeping anything sexual out of it. To actually determine what went wrong - is it a biggie or not and if you want to move forward. Breaking up constantly is not a good solution, learning to communicate well during differences is.
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A
female
reader, angelheartjosh  +, writes (9 June 2011):
 I believe your relationship with her is "TOXIC" and very unhealthy, if you were to get back together it will only get worse not better....Time heals a broken heart, and I think time is what you need, you seem like a kind guy and believe it or not this will not be the only girl in your life you will fall in love with....there are many more to come. So learn from this one and take all the good memories you two shared and keep them with you forever. I hope this helps you.
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