A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, im a 19 y.o guy. I met this girl about 3 years ago in college, we were best friends in college and i slowly but surely began to fall deeply in love with her. Lemme clarify one thing, she is amazing. She is possibly the hottest girl ive ever met, shes popular, trendy, when we walk down the street together EVERYBODY looks at her, and has a new good looking trendy popular boyfriend every couple of weeks... and me.. well im not all that good looking. and a total geek. For some reason she likes me as a friend. After college about 1 year ago, we began to see each other every month or so, wed hang out, drink, watch films etc etc. Now this has gone on for the past year or so... a couple of weeks ago, on facebook, i admitted my love for her, she didnt respond to positively... nothing bad, but she didnt return the feelings. A couple of days ago we had sex. So try to imagine a guy who never thought hed have a girl in his BED--having the hottest girl hed ever met and fantasised to for 3 years all over him. The next day i asked her if we could ever be more than just friends. She said she hated that i loved her cause it made her feel so bad that she didnt feel the same. I love her so much it actually physically hurts, which is weird. I know im never gonna get over her. What should i do? Ive tried to be her "type" but she obviously isnt attracted to me and i cant stand it. I put it down to a crush for the first year of knowing her.... but 3-- going on 4 years later?? What can i do? can i change her mind? if not how do i get over her? keeping in mind shes the first girl ive ever loved and felt i would genuinely die for.
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male
reader, N91 +, writes (9 June 2011):
 Based51 has hit the nail on the head...this girl will LOVE the attention that you're giving her, I've personally been in this situation and have friends who have too and I'm convinced that she was addicted to the attention as I used to compliment her daily, telling her how beautiful she is (she'd always smile when I told her this face to face) and that I miss her when we're apart and stuff.
I've barely spoken to her for the past 2 weeks now, but can't get her out of my head this week, so I can empathise with how hard it is to forget about someone you really like. Just occupy your mind with other things, hobbies, other friends, work - Absolutely anything that minimises the time that you're sat around doing nothing where you can end up thinking about her.
It will be very, very hard at first, I can vouche for that, but over time, you'll wonder what you ever saw in her and question why she treated you so badly (that's the stage that I'm at now) and you will see that there is a girl out there who will love you for who YOU are and you won't need to change yourself or your image for that to happen.
Chin up mate, be strong and you'll be able to get over her, it'll take a while, but it'll be worth it when you find someone who loves you back!
Good Luck!
A
male
reader, goalstopper  +, writes (9 June 2011):
been in the same boat. Although I never had sex with her, I still know that feeling of loving someone who doesn't love you back and there is not much you can do. Just forget her and find someone else. Hopefully, in time she will miss you and reciprocate those feelings but don't hold your breath. There are plenty of fish in the sea and find someone who does have those same feelings.
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A
female
reader, based51  +, writes (9 June 2011):
 I'm really sorry. This girl has been very cruel to you. My guess is that she's never been in love herself before and doesn't understand the pain she's inflicting on you. She should never have slept with you knowing that you're in love with her with no reciprocated feelings or intention to begin a relationship. She's sent you some very confusing messages.
If you've been in love with her for as long as you say then I doubt that she only realised when you told her. More than likely she thrives on the attention you give her. It's a nice feeling to be loved, even if you don't reciprocate feelings. I think you should do exactly as chigirl says. Take time far, far away from her to heal. No meeting up, absolutely minimal texts etc, etc until you're not feeling so so strongly.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (9 June 2011):
 Trust me, we've all been there. And we live to tell you that life goes on beyond a broken heart. First you have to accept that things are the way they are. You can't make someone feel what they do not. I think it was pretty lousy of her to have sex with you knowing you felt for her what you felt, but at least you now have a nice memory?
You need to remove yourself from her. I think you love her, and that feeling might very well last you your lifetime. But if you remove yourself from her physically, your love will in effect become more distant as well. It will cause you a lot of pain, but it will get better with time, as long as you remove yourself from her.
See her less, or take a few months completely away from her to begin with. You need to get over her before the two of you can become friends. If you stick around you'll just keep loving her and keep getting hurt because you are constantly reminded that she doesn't feel the same.
Once your heart as healed you WILL love again. It is possible. Then your love for this girl can transform into love for a friend instead of what it is right now.
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