A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi,i would like some advice.Im a 25 year old catholic virgin and have been with my boyfriend for 4 years now-we are both in love and plan to marry.I have always wanted to wait i was married before having sex and my boyfriend is so loving and understanding and is happy to wait...I am now having second thouhts about waiting and want to sleep with him...the reason for my change of heart is due to a death of a friend..i realised life is to short and if something ever happend to my bf i would probably regret not sleeping with him.We are both adults...should i feel guilty for wanting to do this? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chihuahua1274  +, writes (22 May 2008):
 hey just wait it will be worth it God will see it happens perfectly if you wait ( if u beleive in god i think you do but not positive sorry if u dont)
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (22 May 2008):
 People can advise you not to feel guilty about it but ultimately ,they are not you .
You will have to search for the truth and your own conscience.
If you feel troubled or strongly against it ,
then don't do it.
Peace of mind is important.
If you cannot stand the pressure , then get married earlier or bring forward your wedding day.
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A
female
reader, Emaz help +, writes (22 May 2008):
 WAIT
I would, it will be worth it in the end as it's something you've felt strongly about, i mean what's the rush?
(it's not that good anyway) and i felt stupid and knew i should of waited when i lost my virginity, i wouldn't want you to feel the same
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (21 May 2008):
 Hi,
as a fellow Catholic I can only imagine what you are going through. Personally I am a lapsed Catholic so I don't follow the archaic morality of the church.
And you are a good reason why. It's all about guilt , that is the word. Any time you hear a Catholic weighing up whether their actions will be construed as sinful the word guilt always comes into it. I believe the Catholic church has a patent on this word.
If you love each other it is nobody's damn business what you do and you certainly will not go to hell because you had sex out of wedlock - hell would be a very busy place if that were the case.
You are in a loving committed relationship, for heavens sake take it to the next level. You wont regret it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2008): Temptation is a natural part of life so you shouldn't feel guilty. Just remember that God would never allow you to be tempted beyond your ability to resist.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2008): No, you shouldn't feel guilty, but (I'm strange I know).
As Minelisse mentioned, these may not be the best reason(s) to change your mind, kind of a sympathy act.
Doing it because you love him and wish to share what God gave us to share with each other is better. Understanding why the religion suggested no sex still has a valid point that should be understood, it is a mind set of not just right and wrong, but other things. Understanding the implication of these other things makes you a better person in general and follows the deeper purpose.
Only you and your mate knows what is best for you, you are the only one who hears you think, and communicating this between you and your mate will place you both on the same path together, and this is what is most important.
Talk with him about the issue and both be in agreement to do so.
As a man, and if I were in your mates position, I would not be happy if you wanted to have sex just because you think I might die tomorrow; I would want you to have sex with me only because you love me and wish to share that with me; nothing else. To do otherwise, cheapens the act.
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A
female
reader, Coral8888 +, writes (21 May 2008):
Hell no everyone thinks about having sex whatever age they are as long as they've learned about what sex is, they wonder and think about it. I can'r really tell you what to do, it's your choice! Though I want you to think about these things you might regret ever having sex with your lover, before marriage, and feel bad on becoming an exvirgin before marriage. And the other is you're right you or your lover could die, and you would always wonder how it would be. Whatever your choice maybe, to wait or not. Just remeber this whenever you plan on doing it, first check if you or your lover has aids, or anything like that (you know just to be on the safe side). I hope I could help (though I know I didn't) My best wishes to you!
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A
female
reader, :):):) +, writes (21 May 2008):
You shouldnt feel bad about being tempted. It is human instinct to have sexual urges and there isnt anything you can do to stop that.
However as you are catholic, sex before marriage isnt approved of and you have waited four years. I think you should still wait, it would be a shame to throw away all the effort you've put in to keep pure and I think you'd feel disappointed in yourself afterwards.
That said, its totally up to you and you should do what you feel is right. Maybe bring the wedding forward! lol
xxx
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A
female
reader, Minelisse  +, writes (21 May 2008):
 You shouldn't feel guilty for wanting to sleep with him... however, doing so because he might die before you get married might be. The truth is decisions should not be taken based on life being short. You could die, he could die, I could die, the Earth could end... but you don't stop studying or working or being in debt because of it... you just live, one day at a time!
If, there are other reasons for you wanting to have sex, that's ok, it's not the end of the world either. But after waiting for 4 years, having the opportunity to share that moment in the most beautiful day of your life (wedding), might very well be worth it. Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2008): No you shouldn't feel guilty. After 4years you have shown your devotion and committment to one another. You love one another, and want to be close. You've had a scare and want to celebrate life and the ability to love.
Is there any reason why you can't get married. It would seem your old enough and with a man that loves you. I've got no hangup's about marriage, however I feel it may sit better with you if you do this first. You could do a quick registrey office thing first and then have a formal marriage in church at a later date.
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