A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi - I need to decide what to do but I do not know what is best ...The situation is pretty standard.Me and him started to talk every day, we liked each other and inevitably we made everything we could to get together.We have been seeing each other all around Europe (we do not live in the same country) during the last eight months, like a FWB situation.We cuddle, walk, laugh, have dinner , sleep over and … I got mistaken.I really thought he felt the same as I do. It was impossible to don't be mistaken ... he was so sweet and caring, he wanted to know everything about me and he was always desperate to see me ...He started to be less enthusiastic about seeing me. Not sure if it was because a genuine lost of interest in me or just scared about me being too attached.We discussed during last week end and he said that I am his friend but nothing more. That at the beginning it was the thrill but now he was not thinking of me that much. I was sad and feeling stupid. How could i get everything wrong ?He broke my heart and he wants to be friends.In my mind this friend thing is a transition before being strangers. I think he means it but because he feels guilty and he cares about me.But it does not matter because the problem is I cannot do it. Not now. I need time. We were talking during this week and I found myself crying many times.With time I would like to have him in my life but not now. And I am scared that in two or three months he will not remember me and we are officially strangers.It is difficult to find someone with whom you get along that well. I am also scared he thinks I am childish or ridiculous. Am I being childish and stupid ? Should I explain him why I cannot be his friend now ? I cannot talk to him .. i cannot afford another emotional email .. he is going to think I am crazy.Thank you for your advice ! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, PatientlyWaiting1  +, writes (4 February 2011):
Just take this as a learning lesson. Do not have casual relationships. Get to know a man before sex. Go on dates, talk on the phone, be sure to have conversations and fun before sex. Nothing is wrong with you not being his friend, cut him off he is a loser. Be sure to have the next man pursue you. Just play it much better. Hope this helped.
A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (4 February 2011):
This guy made you believe you (two) were going to be in a serious relationship. Now he quits and you are worried how will he feel about what you have to say. God. He dumped you (technically) and you are worried about his feelings? What about start worrying about YOUR feelings, for a change. Tell him that what he's done was wrong. And move on, now.
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A
female
reader, Blonde68  +, writes (4 February 2011):
 You are not being crazy at all... I could not possibly remain friends with someone whom I was madly in love with knowing that there wasn't a future together.
You need to completely cut all ties with him... It will be extremely hard, trust me, but with time you will get over this heartache. Tell him like it is, he has to accept your wishes, just like you have had to accept he doesn't want a relationship with you.
Save your love for someone who truly wants you!
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (4 February 2011):
 You aren't being childish or stupid. It is incredibly difficult to step backward in a relationship. Especially when that step isn't your choice. I don't blame you at all, and if you every want to get over him, you need to cut him out of your life.
You can explain this to him. It would be good for him to hear. It would also help him know just what he decided to give up.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2011): No you're not childish or crazy. I'm not proud about this but I'm just like him. It's a form of manipulation I use against girls I use so I won't feel guilty about being a slime bag. Don't play into it. The best thing to do is stop in your tracks and do not have anything more to do with him. Don't so much as respond to him about what you've shared here. Believe me, it has nothing to do with you. He knows you're top notch, but he's just trying to make himself feel okay about what he's doing. Take back your control. Kick the wuss in his wuss nuts.
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