A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So, I was with my ex boyfriend for over two years. It was my first real relationship and I loved him very much, we did everything together. Well two weeks ago, we were arguing and he had told me he cheated on me out of anger. The next day he tells me it's true, he didn't mean to and this happened over a year ago. He had lied to me many times because I have asked him before. He said he told the girl not to say anything to me etc. Afterwards, he blamed his cheating on me... Why is that?? He would change his attitude so quick, one second he loves me, the next he says I deserve it, he'll say he misses me and well you get it. So for a couple days things cooled down.. I decided he makes me so sick I want nothing to do with him. Almost a week after I find out I'm pregnant. I'm 19, in college and I do plan on having an abortion (sorry if I offend you). I had told my ex boyfriend and he's still going through these mood swings. He says he's just acting like that because he's upset that I act like I want nothing to do with him. I'm so confused... I don't know what to do.. I do want him by my side, but then I don't. I miss him so much, but I hate him. I definitely know I don't want a relationship with him but I like his comfort.. Should I cut him off now or wait u til I get through the abortion? I've never felt this terrible, I feel like I could fall into depression. Please help!
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk thank you all for your responses. He knows and is ok with me having an abortion. Furthurmore, thank you for your time and answers. They were more than helpful
A
female
reader, wonderingcat  +, writes (25 March 2009):
 This is a tough one. Like Jason said, the biological father has a right to know, regardless of whether or not you are still in a relationship with him. After all, when you had sex, my assumption is that it was done with a mutual concept.
However, should he ask you to keep the child, he is not the one that will be carrying it for 9 months in your belly, then growing an unconditional love toward the baby, undergoing the physical changes in your body [which may or may not return to your original form/shape] and so on and so forth.
Please go to the nearest family planning clinic and ask for a support group where you can ask for relevant guidance on dealing with abortion. Having an abortion is a big step in one's life, and you need to be fully prepared for what is to come. (Just as one needs to be fully prepared in having a pregnancy, actually. Just different issues of concern)
Good luck and be strong!
Cat
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (25 March 2009):
 I think the best thing to do is cut him off now, there is no point in dragging this relationship out. Yes going through the abortion will be a tough time however you have your family and friends for comfort, you shouldnt go back to your ex purely because he is comforting. It is not fair on either of you - he will think he has another chance with you and you will end up feeling dependent on your ex for comfort every time things get hard.
The best thing to do is to cut him out of your life and move on. You seem certain you do not love him anymore or want a relationship with him therefore there is no need to have him in your life, you need to learn to be able to handle tough situations on your own.
I cant imagine how hard the abortion will be for you and I understand that you want your ex to be there for you because it is his baby too so you will both be going through the same pain, but if you let him comfort you through this you will never be able to move on from him. For years to come you will end up running back to him every time things get tough in your life and you need a shoulder to cry on.
Going through this alone (with the help of friends and family) will make you a stronger person, and it will help you to see that you do not need a man to comfort you every time things get tough. But make sure you dont isolate your friends and family in all this - they will want to help you and be by your side throughout this. If you start to feel like you are becoming depressed then you need to talk to your family, talking (while it is hard to come clean about your feelings to your family) will help you so much because it offloads all the negative thoughts you have and makes you much more aware of your feelings.
If things are really getting too much for you then I suggest you see a councillor/therapist, they might be able to help you more than your family will as they are a stranger (it is easier to be open with a stranger because they wont judge you) and they are trained in depression and other such mental health problems.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
male
reader, Jason means Healer +, writes (25 March 2009):
It seems, it's not so much your "unbudgingness" with regard to abortion, as your seeming lack of negotiating the views of the one other person who has an equal genetic heritage with this unborn child.
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A
female
reader, Natalie90 +, writes (25 March 2009):
you need to make the best decision for you !!! he may not always be there for you. He may be upset now but in the long term you may both realise it was the best decision for you. you need to talk to him and tell him why your having the abortion and ask him for his support. please let me know if this helps !
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