A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:background info..I'm in my late 20's and he is in his early 30's. We both have children.I have been talking to this guy I met on and off now for months. On one occasion, we wound up back at his place, but chose to wait to have sex. We have talked on the phone, and met up a ftime or 2 since then, however the last time we wound up back to his place and had sex. He was all about giving pleasure to me and kept telling me how beautiful I was. I'm so confused because a little while after sex, you could tell that he didnt want me spending the rest of the night. (it was 4 am). Although he laid next to me for a few minutes kissing me.So I got dressed and left, he walked me out.I really like this guy and we have talked about being together in the future, however we decided to take our time.Should I consider this a one night stand or what?
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male
reader, mscard +, writes (26 January 2011):
Ideal relationships go through the natural progression of things, and long-term things hardly ever are spawned in the breaking of that progression. I firmly believe that there's a sexual progression that should accompany your interpersonal intimacy. When I don't know a girl, maybe I'll put my arm around her or give her a goodnight kiss, but certainly not more than that. The seriousness of the physical act should parallel the depth of your relationship and connection. A good relationship culminates with sex, and doesn't begin with it. In other words, it was a casual hookup. If you wanted a relationship, you shouldn't have crawled into his bed.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2011): Never, ever sleep with a guy unless you've tested the relationship first, and what I mean by that, you have an established patter of dating on a regular basis, he is reliable, turning up and doing what he says he's going to do, before you move it on to the next level.
Lets be adult here, the only reason a guy suggests going back to his place is because he wants sex, he does not want to discuss the FTSE 100 index (stocks and shares) and likewise, if the woman accepts, he knows she's interested in getting up close and personal. So if by the time you get to this stage, you've NOT already established long term dating, you are likely to end up with what you've just been through.
Realistically, nearly all guys will say how beautiful a woman is, hardly going to say otherwise if they want to get between your thighs, so don't be taken in by that, only by what he does, and in this case, he has demonstrated by NOT wanting you there all night so you can both wake up in the morning together, it was surely just about sex.
Lots of people end up having casual sex, sometimes by agreement, FWB's, or knowing it's a one off, then there's situations when you hope having sex will lead to something more, but it doesn't, but when a guy, does what this guy did, walked you out at 4am in the morning, that is really not acceptable, not only is it rude, but it shows a real lack of care for your safety.
So please if a relationship is what you want, don't sleep with a guy without being sure he is really into you, and has been around for lots of dates without pushing for sex, he's there because he likes you, and like you, wants to be sure before getting physical.
Put it down to experience, it happens to all of us at some time or another. Good luck for the future.
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A
female
reader, RealGirlNextDoor  +, writes (26 January 2011):
I have to say I agree with the previous answers, that was definatly the rudest thing he could have done. If he hasn't been in contact with you since then, you should consider everything that has been going on between both of you over. The again if this isn't the case and you have been talking once or twice since then maybe you should confront him about his attitude that night and ask him what's going on. You are both old enough to have an adult conversation about how you both feel. Maybe he isn't ready to have a proper relationship at the moment(as you said you're both trying to go slow). Maybe that's the reason he acted as he did that night, felt underpressure, felt it was too rushed for you to sleep over.. I don't know. Talking is always the way to go.
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (26 January 2011):
 Yes, I wouldn't exactly be expecting a phone call/text any contact in the next 3 days.
You did the usual have sex, the oh he's gotta get up early to work in the morning excuse, so you can't spend the rest of the night. Almost shoving you out the door.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (26 January 2011):
 Yes, I agree with Sherry. He should have seen you to your own home at that hour of the morning, NOT just walked you to his front door!
I'd consider him to be history now, if I were you......
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2011): The man was rude, to say the least. You don't let somebody you care about (not even a regular friend) walk out your door at 4am. Ever. It is rude and inconsiderate. One thing is taking things slowly and one thing is being rude. I think what he did is a total deal breaker and I think you deserve better than that. Sorry about being so blunt, but the way he walked you out of his place at 4am really upset me. Please, move on! Spend time with your kid(s), family, friends, even alone, but please, don't let him treat you that way ever again!
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