A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am 17 years old and fell for a friend of mine (23 years old). i just recently found out that he has feelings for me too. i have liked him for a long time and would really like for us to start a relationship together. the reason i fell for him in the first place was because he was easy going and fun like the guys my age, not someone who was 23, and i could be myself around him. however, in the past few weeks he has been making comments like "wow, you really act your age" and "you totally act 17". well i should hope so! i am 17! he says that if i would act more mature, he would date me. but the last thing i want to do is be someone im not. should i change for this guy i've loved so long? or should i be myself and forget about him? is there any way to do both? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2007): i just wanted to tell everyone thank you so much for your great advice. it really helped me so much!and in response to kirsty's question....he tells me im acting immature when i make a joke about something or when im trying to be funny. its usually something that my best friends would laugh about...but doesn't seem so funny to him. but i dunno. i think you might be right about the friends thing. we were best friends before all this happen and maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea to go back to that for awhile. or at least til i get a little older...
A
female
reader, DIE-romantic.  +, writes (16 August 2007):
 You shouldnt change yourself for any man, unless hes the actual one for you. And if he liked you, he shouldnt ask you to change and what does he expect? You should act your age.
But if you do really like him then its upto you. Or only act more mature around him, not change yourself completely.
Take care xxxxxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2007): hay well i was in a similar situation to you. I was dating a guy who was 22 and I was 17 and to be honest with you it didn't work out we broke up a year later but stayed friends. Im 20 next week and hes 24 and were back together. In those 2/3 years ive grown up so much - don't get me wrong im still fun loving and sill but at the same time ive matured and so has he and to be honest im happier now than i have ever been. What im trying to say is - don't change! If he likes you as much as I think you like him then maybe friendship is what you need at first and then when you both feel that the other is ready and 'mature' enough you can start a proper relationship.Just a very quick question before I go - what do you do/how do you behave to warrent him saying 'wow you really act like a 17 yr old' Im only asking cause some of the things ppl may find imature about me is just an aspect of my personality and that is never going to change. I hope all the information you've recieved has helped.Take CareKirstylouise xxx
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female
reader, beautifultrustnlover +, writes (16 August 2007):
 NO NO NO NO NO NO NO you shouldnt have to change your self for no man your 17 so what are you post to act like 30?? yeah right enjoy being young sweetheart life will be hard and mature soon enough you should always find some one that loves you for you and if not than your better off single than changing who you are it will just make you unhappy best of luck but i would say can this guy to the durb and say BYE BYE BYE
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2007): Don't change yourself to be anything other than who you are. It could be that now that he know you are keen he may be pulling back. Perhaps his friends think your too young? Hence the remarks he is making. Keep him as a friend it may be a better bet than a relationship. Never change yourself for someone else or you may find that you change into something you don't like just to please others. Be you and happy with being 17. I wish I was 18 again!
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male
reader, Mr Raindog +, writes (16 August 2007):
 Honestly, the vast majority of people don't change. Even if you were to "act" more mature, it is just that, an act. A great many problems happen in relationships when people try to be something they're not and when they revert back to their old habits once they feel secure in the relationship, the other person starts going "Where is that person I dated a year ago?"
Be yourself. It's the only person you should ever be.
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A
male
reader, somewhat_anonymous +, writes (16 August 2007):
No, don't change for anybody. Only change yourself if it is a healthy change, like if you have a habit of punching people randomly or something. But even if you were to change, doing it for someone else is the wrong reason.
Act your age and be true to yourself.
As for everyone else who has answered so far, I think that they are wrong that he is trying to change you. Based on what you have written, if he only said that he would date you if you were more mature and never pushed it, I don't think he is trying to change you. It is different if this is constant and if he was dating you and actively trying to change you. But you're not even together, so I think it is just a comment.
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A
male
reader, Jamer70 +, writes (16 August 2007):
 TaylorChu has nailed it right on the head.
If the man has the gaw to say your should be more mature maybe he should find a older woman. What he said to you just shows he wants to mold a woman to his liking not find the right woman, which you are not.
Also your 17 a bit young for him.
But besides that what he said is wrong and no one should change who they are to let someone else like them
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (16 August 2007):
I know you really like this guy but acting older then what you are wont make things work between you and this guy. Even if you were a really good actor...there would still be evidence of you being less mature then what he may be and this will obviously get to him.
He shouldnt be giving you the option to act oolder then you are, it should just be a straiht out no for the relationship because pretending to be someone you arent wont get either of you anywhere. You will end up feeling like he doesnt love you for you. When he should.
There is noway to do both, because who HE wants you to be is not who YOU are. I know this may be disapointing to you but look forward to a guy who you can be YOURSELF around, and be 100% happy knownig hes loves you just how you are :) thats true love....
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A
female
reader, Gem86 +, writes (16 August 2007):
 I dont think you could behave more maturely even if you were trying, you're seventeen and therefore are bound to behave like a seventeen year old!! It would be very hard to constantly try to act more mature, and in the end you'd be unnatural and not true to yourself. If he can't handle how old you are then thats his problem, you shouldnt have to change to suit him! Take care xxx
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female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (16 August 2007):
 Tell him to find a woman of his own age , if he is so conscious of how you behave. Its him that should grow up not you. Be yourself.
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A
male
reader, J_Cooper82 +, writes (16 August 2007):
First things first a man if he is one would appreciate and respect the person they're with irregardless of age and maturity. And by no means belittle the person they say they care about. Now that being said my answer is no. You shouldn't change the way you are. your still young. Enjoy it theres plenty of time for maturity and seriousness when you get older. Even then you can still have fun. I'm 25 and work 2 jobs and still make time for childishness.
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female
reader, TaylorChu +, writes (16 August 2007):
 1) Wait until you are 18 if you want to get involved with a MAN.
2) NO! You don't change for anyone. You are who God created you to be. By chamging yourself and practices for someone else because THEY asked you to makes you deny who you are to please another. No on on earth has the right to tell you or ask you to be what you are not. So what you are 17. If he wants a more mature woman tell him to date a woman older than him. If he can ask you this and you do it, what else will he ask you to do? Have sex? Change your hair? Sounds like a path for him to make you into the mature woman he dreams of without even asking you what he can do for you for your happiness.
I don't trust him no one should EVER ask another person to change who they are on the inside. That is madness and self denial.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (15 August 2007):
 Dear, I want to commend you on the clarity with with you see this situation. Yes, of course you should act your own age!
This man is asking you to become someone you are not. I say, don't change for him. Don't even try: you can't become different just because you "wish" to. You need to live all the stages of life at your own rythm. It is seeming to me that you're more mature than him, in some ways, since you understand that you have to be yourself and he doesn't.
There is no way to be the way he wants and the way you want. But, didn't he love you for who you are, in the first place? Why does he want you to be someone else? Why doesn't he become a 17 year old?
If he can't manage who you are, well, go your separate ways.
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