A
female
age
36-40,
*LAgirl1113
writes:Seven months ago I met a very handsome man while hanging out with friends. A month into "dating" him, I found out that he was a professional athlete, something he did not want me to know. We continued as usual. After a while, he started to travel for work, so I would only see him once a month but we kept in touch...minimally. He visited me in February, and for the first time (during a sexual encounter) he said he loved me. He hasn't been able to give me the time that we need to sustain any form of relationship, so I've tried numerous times to just move on (especially knowing that he's probably with other women anyway). Then, when I'm just about over him out the blue he calls (This happened on several occasions). And he continues to tell me he loves me and that he is hopeful that something will come of us and that he is afraid of how he feels about me...all without being coerced at all. Is he sincere? We had been sleeping together since early on in our "relationship", so lying about how he feels to get me in bed is out of the question, right? And, I know that he could have almost any woman he chooses. He's handsome and successful and very charming.Why does he continue to rekindle the old flame with me and not let it die out? Is it because he knows I'll take him back? Or is it that he doesn't want me with another man?Someone please help. He's never been disrespectful or done anything terribly wrong. His greatests fault is that he doesn't put forth effort to spend the time with me like we use to, which is why it's so easy for me to run to him again. Then I'm hurt when he disappears for weeks at a time for work...then resurfaces with "I love you". Please help me!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2009): Think about this for awhile. Make some decisions for yourself about what YOU want (no one here can tell you that, of course), including why are you always available for sexual encounters, even though he has only made intermitent signs of a commitment towards you, aside from the fact that he's a stud:) (...I'm sure there's a long list of girls in your same situation, as you've guessed.)
I'd have a straight conversation with him -- Does he want to take the relationship to the next level? He keeps saying he loves you, etc., what does that mean, if anything, maybe beyond that he's just lonely on the road that night? Suggestion: Can you take a leave of absence from work, and possibly travel with him for a while? Ask is this leading to something more than you being his girl in X city?? I have a friend who is a professional baseball player -- good looking, great guy, studly -- who has been head over heels in love with his GF since High School. They travel together when he's on the road, he's been traded a few times, too, and they are going to get married soon. It works for them, and other relationships, too. If you want your fling wth a professional athelete, fine, but you also deserve clarity in what your settling for and what your relationship is about, so you can keep it clear in your head. Also, think about your next BF, if he's not the one, and how you are treating yourself now and how that might impact future relationships and self-esteem eveytime he hiots the field on TV, and friends say indescreetly, "didn't you used to...." Guys wouldn't care as much, but ladies may. My two cents. Good luck, and I hoep things work out for you.
A
female
reader, FLAgirl1113 +, writes (16 April 2009):
FLAgirl1113 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all of your replies. All of them were equally helpful.
To Gina: It wouldn't necessarily be considered "cheating" because he is single. I know him enough to know that he has a pretty big sexual appetite, so I know that he's sleeping with other women. I think my question is, if he has access to numerous beautiful, successful women, then why does he tell me, (although equally successful) a girl from his hometown that he loves me? He can choose any one woman to love. I'm not trying to reveal insecurity within myself...I'm questioning his sincerety.
To Wonderingcat: He didn't want me to know because women try to take advantage of men who are as successful as he is. He was recognized in public while we were out. That's how I found out. No, I never questioned him about his profession. On our first date he mentioned that he did something totally different. And he's most definitey not a student. I don't doubt that he may have new business ventures that keep him occupied though. That is still no excuse for a severe lack of communication...then a sudden "I love you."
To Lilwun: I have explained all of this to him numerous times. I tell him that his actions aren't enough to keep me and that I deserve more. He doesn't disagree with me, but he says that he can't help it that he has to work. He asks how could I be mad at the idea of him going to work...which is not the issue. It's the lack of communication, but he still doesn't get it. He says that he's "afraid of loving me". I question his sincerety. I don't know what to believe any more.
Thanks again.
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A
female
reader, wonderingcat  +, writes (16 April 2009):
 Why did he not want to let you know that he was an athlete? Did you ever ask him this question?
Athletes are just like "office" workers. They have schedules to work out and to practice. They need lots of time to sleep too, as it is the only natural remedy to "recharge" your energy spent during the day. Even professional athletes have time off on weekends, when there is no tournament going.
So he is either not into verbal communication (hence the minimal communication you get from him), or like the LiWun said, he is seeing other women. The other probability is that he is still furthering his formal education (i.e. studying), which if is, then I can understand because that basically means he has two full time jobs (athlete and student). This is tough, believe me.
But you know the situation better than us, and I think you know the answer to your question already.
Good luck!
Cat
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A
female
reader, LilWun23 +, writes (16 April 2009):
its actually rather complicated to help because he can be either doing this because he knows for fact that youl take him back as well as his feelings for you can be true, just lke there really is no excuse for him not calling or texting you when he's out of town. athletes are busy training yes but he should take the time to be able to speak with you and it is better off for you realizing that there is probably other women involved. so all i can really tell you is talk to him and tell him exactly what you have told us, and remember if he is telling you that his feelings are true and that he really does love you and happens to be looking around for a quick sec or something he is lying !
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