A
male
age
30-35,
*oveGetsOverMe
writes:hey, im a guy that is 16 years old. i have relationship issues with my girlfriend and im seeking a lot of advice...we've been dating for 3 years and 2 months now. during the 2nd year she cheated on me for another guy. they met, hugged and kissed behind my back. she told me that, that was it. about a year later she breaks out and tells me that she had sex with him. i fell into tears. i did not leave her because i understood for her. she is the only girl, i mean only girl i have ever loved so much...shes been there for me so many times. you can say i actually love her more than my whole family combined. without her i feel useless and less of a human being. ever since she told me, ive been so paranoid. i have to know where she is every minute of the day! as much as she doesnt like it, i dont either. so she got tired of it and broke up with me...we broke up many times but this time, i actually felt the worst of heartbroken. i get cheated on and lefted. i took time out of work and thought about it and i understood how she was feeling. it sucks feeling untrusted. so ive decided that if i want this relationship to last, i have to trust her. so yeah i did. i told her but she doesnt believe me...i told her i was really serious but nothing. its not that i was just saying i trusted her just to get back with her but i actually trusted her. and now its like she doesnt want to be with me because she said it was too late. i asked her will we ever get back together and she replies "idk". its not a "no" but it shattered me. i was blank. she said she need time so im going to give it to her and hope for the best. so if theres anyone out there that can give me a few advice, it would be greatly appreciated...
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2009): This makes me sad... it makes me want to call you "honey.." but i won't. Have you stepped back to look at how wrong this situation is? You were together for a long time, she cheated on you and lied about the extent and a while later admits to having sex. You are devastated but don't leave. Then, like any normal person, you get paranoid and want to know where she is all the time, so she breaks up with you, again leaving you devastated. And now you're falling at her feet wanting her back and loving her.. This girl has treated you like sh**. And by still being so desperately in love with her, you encourage her behavior. She should feel bad about what she's done, but instead you're making her feel like it wasn't a big deal and like you're the one who is wrong for being paranoid afterward. She doesn't derserve a loyal, loving, forgiving, generous person like you. You need to look at all these things about her and ask yourself.. If i had known she was like this before we were ever together, would i have gotten with her in the first place?And i certainly hope that that answer is no. Because i don't see why anyone would go into a relationship knowing taht someone was a cheater and liar, and unremorseful. If you would not have gone out with her knowing this, then you should be able to convince yourself that she is not someone you want to be with now. You deserve someone who will make you feel special and like you are the only one for her.. Now just keep telling this to yourself until you believe. Wipe away your feelings of despair and lonliness and your lingering of passed good memories, and bring on the anger and realization that You need better than this. Stop making her feel like a beloved queen for being such a witch to you and move on.
A
female
reader, LilWun23 +, writes (16 April 2009):
because she came clean and told you the truth about her cheating on her you will never fully trust her anymore as you did because you now know what she was capable of doing in the past and as a human being you believe that it can and will be done again. so if it is now over, give it time, dont pressure it, if she loves you back she will come back, if not then i hope you can find someone else and not be so paranoid in the next relationship because not all females cheat just like men claim they dont all cheat, so good luck with that and listen to your heart
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