A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I played chess with my boyfriend 3 times and I lost all of them. My boyfriend is dyslexic (although he is one very talented guy, he loves arts and plays the guitar and piano like a pro) and in school, he's placed in the last class. Me however, I'm one of the smartest kids in school so I'm placed in the first class. Everyone looks up to us in the first class at school. My boyfriend on the other hand fails all the time during exams (except for the arts subject). He looks up to me when it comes to anythng educational.So the other day we had nothing to do so he was like lets play chess. And he said i'm definitely gonna win since im always the smart one and he's really bad at chess. So I was like ok lets play for fun. We played and he won. Then we played again and he won. Then again since i wasnt satisfied and again, HE WON. I feel sooooo frustrated. I mean its not like i want him to lose. I'm happy for him but somehow i feel really sad and frustrated tht I lost. ITS JUST A GAME!! And I should be happy for him!!As sweet as he's always been, everytime he eats my pieces, he'll go like awww im sorry baby i love u so much and evrytime he wins he doesn't brag about it he'll go like hey and changes the topic.somehow i feel really frustedddddd. can someone tell me whts wrong with me?I know dyslexia has nothing to do with IQ. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, MissVee  +, writes (21 February 2011):
There's nothing wrong with you. Losing sucks. It just does. There is no fun way to lose at anything!
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (17 January 2011):
 I know where you are coming from, believe me. I've been with a brilliant guy for the last 38 years, and we are competitive as hell with each other! He's actually worse than I am at this; and I love that we are always within a couple of points or marks of each other, be it IQ tests or games.
I never did uni, but I was a graphic artist, and I know that recently, one study about kids who were emo or goth generally scored higher in IQ than average. They also tend to be "different" learners - visual learners; so their scores aren't reflecting their intelligence - much like Bill Gates and Einstein as was stated earlier. Musicians tend to be great at maths as well, because they understand patterns, which could explain his chess board skills. Any super-talented musician HAS to be intelligent - it's not just a talent!
But you are missing the point! You should be PROUD that you are with such a great guy - the same way that HE is proud that YOU are so exceptional! Wouldn't it be a bore to be with someone who you couldn't challenge, who wasn't mentally capable of keeping up with you or that you couldn't express yourself with? And wouldn't it be a drag if he couldn't keep up, or you were embarrassed instead of proud? Generally, you really need someone who challenges you in life - and once you find someone who is a good 'fit' - support them and have fun together!
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A
male
reader, slimfish  +, writes (17 January 2011):
 well, i too am dyslexic.....and failed at school.
but then discovered i have an i.q. of 153.
i never loose at chess either...but i cant do maths, or spell correctly. i cant see transposed letters. thank dog i'm normal!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2011): Just because you're smart at subjects at school, doesn't mean you're going to be good at everything. Same goes for him, just because he's not so good at school subjects, doesn't mean he's not good at other things. You'll probably find he's good at board games and you're not, or he's better than you at swimming, running or something (an example).
One of my close friends was top of the class at school, but I always had more common sense than her. I've actually met quite a few people like that, brilliant at one thing such as subjects etc, but no good at little things like not having much common sense, or simple tasks/remembering things etc.
And yes you're right dyslexia wouldn't have anything to do with it. People get the wrong idea about dyslexic people. A lot of people assume they're dumb. There's actually quite a few intelligent dyslexic people. My sister is dyslexic and she was never good at school subjects, but brilliant at everything else.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2011): This is just a theory, so I could be wrong. But here's what I think:
We tend to use stereotypes when relating to people. They make things simpler for us.
In your case, maybe you always saw yourself as the brainy one, and him as the artistic one. And you built the relationship around that, and you expected things to stay that way.
So in my opinion, your frustration comes from having your expectations broken. The more strongly we are convinced of something, the more upset we feel when we are proven wrong. It's natural.
Let the frustration cool off. Like you said, it's just a game and it won't change much about anything. And on the bright side, now you know what it feels to be in his shoes, and he knows what it feels to be in yours. Isn't that lovely?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2011): accept you lost, laugh and tell him you will kick his ass at snakes and ladders. it is a game and if rivalry is in you, better learning to play as a team very fast if you want a relationship.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (16 January 2011):
 I am so happy you added that last part in your question about knowing dyslexia has no relevance to IQ. From the rest of your question it'd appear you thought so.
I think you have some heavy self improvement waiting for you. It's great that you realize this, but working on it will take more from you than getting a good grade at school. So see this as your real challenge! The problem is quite easy to see: you are used to winning. You don't have any training at loosing, and you don't know how to do it with grace. You're a competitive person, and you don't like to loose. In addition it seems you have gotten to take it for granted that your boyfriend looks up to you.... and that you in return should look down at him. Almost like you should pity him. Be careful of these types of thoughts, surely if they develop you will not only loose your boyfriend, but also ruin any other relationship you ever enter.
Why should he not be allowed to be better than you at something? Seems only fair. You know it, you just can't seem to accept it. This again comes from you not being used to it at all. And again this comes down to you taking it for granted that he should always come second to you. That's the thought pattern that you need to change!
Appreciating your boyfriend more, and admire him (yes, you admiring him, not always he admiring you, this is a two way street!). This will make it easy to accept a loss. If you see him as your equal, and not your subordinate, there will be no shame in loosing a game to him, nor will there be frustration connected to it. Your boyfriend sound great and amazing, he admires you, adores you, doesn't brag about winning, and better yet: he takes loosing with a smile. Real character is shown when you can loose with a smile, and win without bragging. He sounds like a keeper!
A persons character is not graded by the school system you know. And your challenge now is harder than any school paper you will ever write. Changing yourself and becoming a better person is what you can truly take your pride in. Next time you feel these negative thoughts come creeping in, stop them. Change them into something positive. Good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2011): Exactly, it's just a game and to be honest it's a little immature to get upset about it. You can't be the best at everything.
People may "look up to you" but that doesn't mean you're smarter than everybody else or deserve to win everytime.
Be happy for your boyfriend and let it go.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2011): Einstein did poor in school and so did Bill Gates. Your boyfriend displays a creative and strategic mind and often those kids feel stifled by schoolwork and get bored easily. Highschool grades do not measure a persons intelligence at all and most schools teach to average intelligence and those beyond that struggle to stay motivated and aren't challenged enough to do well. This is a common problem with kids who have gifted minds. People who aren't gifted don't recognize someone who is including teachers with average intelligence.
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