A
female
age
36-40,
*aschica
writes:I'll try to be as concise as possible but it will be kind of hard since I'm talking about a 6 year relationship. My boyfriend and I met while in undergrad. I am in graduate school and he has moved with me.Most times our relationship is great and we're happy but we argue way too much. The fights start off because of stupid things a lot but it really boils down to the fact that we are two different people with almost nothing in common and polar opposite personalities.I feel like I can't talk to him about things because he's going to think I said something wrong or did something wrong. He's not sensitive at all. Case in point, when we had an argument some months ago, I wanted to break up and proceeded to let some of my most important friends know and I put it on facebook although, I made it so that people couldn't see my relationship status at all (i.e. you wouldn't know if I was single or 'in a relationship). A few months later, I'm visiting home because my grandfather passed away. One morning, I check my fb page and see that he has changed his relationship status. His excuse was that I did it so he should be able to do it too. I explained to him that I thought my status was concealed but apparently I wasn't thorough. OK. So I understood his point of view but my problem is that he would do that while I'm grieving about my grandfather. INSENSITIVE!I have been upset with him because he's taken so long to propose to me. Six years together, remember? But now I feel like the reason we haven't taken the next step is because God is giving me the chance to get out.I don't want to convey that he is a bad person. He's not. He goes to work, he doesn't stay out all night. He pulls his weight around the house. He's close to his family, which I love. I just don't feel like we're compatible.I feel guilty about breaking up with him though, since he did move with me and sacrificed starting his career so that I could go to school. I don't think he will ever break up with me but should I continue to feel alone since he did these things or should I just get out now since I'm fairly young (25) and have no kids? I love him very much and honestly can't imagine a future without him but I could learn if I needed to.Any thoughts?Thanks
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female
reader, raschica +, writes (23 January 2011):
raschica is verified as being by the original poster of the question@anonymous, Thanks for the thoughtful response. I know your questions are rhetorical but I wanted to answer the one about what I think every morning when I see him. No it's not always negative. It's only negative when we're at odds with each other, which I think is too often. I may be blowing things out of proportion but I can only speak to how I feel at certain times- and that is...confused? lol.
Yes, a six-year relationship is a difficult thing to throw away and I really don't want to. I do feel like it would be more than breaking up, it would be a divorce. I know couples have their issues, but I don't feel like we're normal. I really feel it's because we have completely different personalities that keep bumping heads. Like I said, I'm confused.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2011): Hello love,
I have had experience of all you mentioned.
The one thing you must think after you have had a relationship for over 5/6 years is, because this is a long time together.Dont just think its "nothing"..:and dont rush actions!
What do you feel in your heart?
What do you feel in your sub concious mind?
Can you look positive into the future in your mind and see through it?
What do you think in the morning and every evening when you see him? - is it negative always? - if it is, then its time to talk. Talk it out and talk it out when the time is OK for you both... Talk all your heart out - at the right time. Love to you....
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A
female
reader, comeonjesusthishurtstoomuch +, writes (17 January 2011):
 Take it from me honey i've been in one bad deal after the other. I will tell you this i wish i could go back and tell myself not to get attached your just dating. It's different when you have chosen the man to marry, but choose wisely. If it's something thats little and you can put up with it forever and feel he's your soulmate then thats different. If you can't picture yourself in it for life its a waste of time.
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A
female
reader, raschica +, writes (17 January 2011):
raschica is verified as being by the original poster of the question@comeonjesus, I think he will say that he wants me but he doesn't act like it sometimes. For example, when I go in to kiss him sometimes, he gives me the cheek. He is probably fooling around but I don't like it and I've told him that. He continues to do it. It's a small form of rejection.
@Lucy Lee, I'm trying to give myself to him but he's not giving himself to me in the way that I would like. If I want to have a conversation with him post-argument he may oblige but he's sarcastic and not really open and engaging. He will give one-word answers and try to take subtle jabs at me. He swear he just likes to stay mad. I want someone who will understand that we will have disagreements and arguments but try to resolve it and move-on.
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A
female
reader, comeonjesusthishurtstoomuch +, writes (17 January 2011):
You answered your own question. The attachment is from the time in but if you don't like the relationship get out while you can. You deserve someone you really want and he deserves someone who really wants him.
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