A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm starting to think my best female friend might be in a relationship with another girl, and I don't know if I should ask her about it or not? Ever since I have known her (nursery school), she has been desperate for a boyfriend. She has no problem attracting men, and she has had 2 long-ish relationships over the years, but she seems to scare a lot of men away quite quickly by coming on so strong so soon, and she is often left devastated by the end of these short relationships.About 6 months ago, she made friends with a girl she met at her office. They have become very close since then, and she now stays over with this girl up to 4 nights per week. Due to this I barely see her now, and when I do she does nothing but text her or talk about her new friend. In addition, the permanent man hunt she has been on for the last 26 years seems to have completely stopped, or at least she never mentions any potential boyfriends to me anymore (there was a daily update before).The way she is acting reminds me a lot of how she has been with men she has been seeing in the past (we have had a few disagreements over the years about her dropping off the face of the earth when in a relationship), but for her to suddenly be in a relationship with a woman seems so out of character that I don't know if I am totally wrong in assuming that's what is happening here? I have tried to ask her few times but each time I start to I feel like I'm wrong and way off the mark so I chicken out. I feel like me asking might sound like 'the jealous friend' too, because my main reason for thinking this is how much time she now spends with her new friend. Saying that, they spend a lot more time together than we have ever done. As well as that, I also don't want her to feel pressured into sharing anything that she is not ready to share yet, which has also put me off asking. I'd like to point out that it is not an issue to me in the slightest if she is a lesbian/is seeing this girl. I have many lesbian and bi-curious friends that I am very close to and their sexuality has no bearing on my friendship with any of them. I guess I'm just not sure what to make of what seems like a total change of character, and I think I am too close to the whole thing to think objectively about it. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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female
reader, lilly123 +, writes (8 November 2012):
 i think these previous answers are alittle harsh, yes everyone has the right to privacy but atleast she has someone who cares enough to admit they miss their friend and seek advice about whether to ask her or not. to the op i think its possible that all those failed relationships could be the cause of her becoming so invloved with someone who needs help and makes her feel like she has a purpose to focus on......its also possible that your right and take it from as some who has just started telling people about my ex girlfriend its a very hard and scary thing to do so you can ask her outright and it will make it easier for her to admit the truth or you can wait and see if there is more to the story from her
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2012): Hello I am the OP. First of all I'd like to thank you all for your comments. I didn't really think that asking her if she was in a relationship would come across as invading her privacy to everyone on here. Maybe it's just because we have always shared a lot about our relationships up until now, but I have always thought of sharing these things as a normal part of our friendship. I think it feels a bit one sided now since she still asks me as much about my relationship as she always has, but is now keeping a large part of her life secret from me which she has never done before. She is also helping this girl get over depression, which I think is lovely, but at the same time seems to have become quite depressed and withdrawn herself which also worries me as I am scared she might be waiting for me to ask the obvious question. I guess I will just leave it and see if she decides to tell me about her new friendship herself.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 October 2012):
 If you don't want her to feel pressured,- then don't pressure her. If she has changed her sexual preferences, she'll tell you when she's good and ready.
She maybe still "experimenting" and not have decided yet on a specific sexual orientation,- straight, gay or bi,- and not feeling the need yet to make a public announcement.
Or, more simply, since also in the past she acted sort of desperate and needy, she might have eventually found in this new friend the means to fill an emotional void and a the sensation of feeling sspecial and loved , that her heterosexual relationship could not give her, without necessarily having to be sexually involved with this new girl.
Either way, I don't see what that would change in your friendship, if you two are really good friends, so let her be, and wait for her to tell you what she wants when she wants.
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A
female
reader, cmarieky  +, writes (24 October 2012):
If you really don't care, then really don't ask. If she seems happy simply let her be. She is entitled to her privacy.
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