A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Tell me something, if a man breaks up with someone, decides to move on, finds a new girlfriend and they are both happy, and then suddenly the ex says that she is pregnant with his child does he have to leave this new love and go back to the other because he wants the child to grow up with a mom and dad? Even if he is head over heels in love with his new girl? What about the new woman in his life, how does she begin to live again if she has been dumped?Does anyone even think of the heartbreak that the new woman who has now been dumped has to go through and that it may destroy her? what can be done that will be good for all parties involved instead of applauding the man for doing the right thing and thats that?
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female
reader, Jualsy  +, writes (14 June 2007):
 This is claszsic of the scenario that unfolds when all standards are gone and nothing matters any more. No agreement and certainly no personal self esteem.
Decide on a personal basis to draw the line somewhere....you are where you are at this moment in time becasue of decisions you have made. If you aren't happy with the "cake" ypu have made....why not change the "inhgredients"? handle things differently.....your decision....you decide.....take responsibility and control in your life and see different results.
A
female
reader, babydoll0713  +, writes (14 June 2007):
 People assume now adays that when you have a baby your supposed to get married and stay together. As great as that would be it's not reality. Because you have a child doesn't mean you need to be together. Friends yes, but parters no. If you love someone don't go back to something that you weren't happy with before. But absolutly be there for her and your child.
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A
female
reader, lisarocksyoursocksoff  +, writes (13 June 2007):
 i'd liek to add.. i agree with DV1... there must be a reason why they broke up in the first place, and so (depending on why) would it be a good idea to re-enter that r/ship after he has built a new life?
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A
female
reader, lisarocksyoursocksoff +, writes (13 June 2007):
who says that gping back with his ex WOULD be the right thing?
i think it's safe to say that it is down to each individual situation. society is changing, not long ago you were expected to marry teh parent of your child, however that does't mean it is teh right decision.
don't get me wrong, that situtaion is good when two people can work it out for their child, but how about two parents who aren't in love? is it fair on the child to know that their parents aren't in love.. and will eventually resent each other for it.
i think it is naive to think that everything is fairytale.. there is nothing wrong with seperated parents, this doesn't stop how much the parent loves their child, does it? so as long as they care for their child why should they be married?
in the end, i think taht the child's needs have to come first, such as being abel to see both parents, being fed and taken care of, and that's the most important thing.
furthermore, the parents should also have a chance at happiness, and if someone else makes them happy then they should take that chance.
i sense some strong emotion behind your question so i hope if you are in a siiliar situation that it works out for....
sometimes relationships are just hard, and if you are in that situtaion then i suggest talking to the other person involved, maybe show them this column? i had a bf once who was ready to leave me 'cause his ex had a pregnancy scare, it was a new r/ship so it turned out ok and i wasn't too hurt, it did upset me but i wouldn't say he was a bad person, just in my point of view, slightly naive.
anyway all the best
take care
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A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (13 June 2007):
 If an ex told me that they were pregnant, I would ask for proof.
He's already built a new life for himself, and nobody can take that away from him.
If it is his, he has the right for visitation, but doesn't have to go back to a hateful relationship. That would be incredibly messed up.
Dv1
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A
female
reader, Beckto +, writes (13 June 2007):
 I think the man owes it to his child to try and work it out with the mother. If they try a relationship once more and can make it work, then that's great for the child. If they try a relationship and find it's not working, then he can see of the other woman is still interested in a relationship, or just move on.
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A
female
reader, Jendorset +, writes (13 June 2007):
Oh sorry, i didnt see you were a female and that it was maybe just a question in general. Maybe your one of the woman, and should the man this colum. Enless it was just a question in general.
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A
female
reader, Jendorset +, writes (13 June 2007):
I think if a baby grows up in an unhappy family (for example, parents dont love each other) its not going to be any happier than haveing two seperate parents that love it. Tell your ex that you want the baby, and will suppport it (because you really should pay maintenance), and that although seperate you will raise your baby as well as anyone else. Your new woman may still be upset that your having a baby with your ex, as you will still have to see her (practically for the next 16 years). Will your new woman be able to handle that ? She may have wanted you and her to have a baby one day and you may not be able to afford a baby with her aswell as with your ex (due to maintenance). Talk to both woman, and tell them what your plans are. Your ex will have big descisions to make with the thought of being a single mum. She may have thouht a baby would make you come back. But dont let anyone trap you...because its not fair. Also, dont say this to your ex now, but when the baby is born...i would get a DNA test just to prove it is yours. But i wouldnt tell her that just yet. You can never be to sure if the baby is not someones she met after you, and there not interested. But dont bank on it 100%.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2007): This is written as if it is a rhetorical question, but I have to assume this has happened to you.
Of course he does not have to do anything, but to be a good man, he does need to support his child, but not necessarily marry the mother if they were no longer in love or in a relationship....I would give him time to sort this out, but move on from it, it is not about you, he has just been delivered a bomb shell...but if he is going back to her it is because that is what he wants to do, bottom line.
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