A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:She told me about one of the guys she has had sex with before me and Ive been wanting to kick his ass so bad.I saw him tonight and got so close but it didnt happen.She was staying with him when she got kicked out of her house and she had sex with him.She says that he said she had to if she was going to stay there. I dont really belive it.He past bothers me so much and im so angry inside and I was about to release all my anger out on him today.Is it wrong that I was going to do this.I realize it wasnt his fault. Or any of the guys fault that she had sex with its hers.She could have said no.I cant let her go I love her so much but I cant live the rest of my life like this.I really dont know what to do anymore.I cant handle knowing everything but I cant handle letting her go.She was my first.. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, diebler33 +, writes (13 July 2010):
 I find myself in the same situation with my significant other,he was a virgin and so am i but i just found out he recently lost it to another girl,it really hurt me because although i believe in abstinence i was willing to loose it to him(not anymore),now IM the one thats hurt and he doesnt imagine what im going thru.
But what i can tell you is this: everyone has a past for better or wost and were no-one to judge them,you should put yourself in her place sometime and maybe you'll see things diffrently. But the past is the past and it cannot be changed (no matter how deeply it hurts). Forget the past. Live the present. Create a future.
A
male
reader, Red Green 0289 +, writes (16 January 2010):
Dude, please grow up. You're young, but if the requirement that EVERY girl you ever have sex with is a virgin the older you get the creeper your dating is going to become. What are you going to do at 24, when some hot chick (who's slept with a dozen or so guys) wants to be in a relationship. "OK, honey, but I need their names and addresses so I can go kick their asses"... come on...
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A
female
reader, Not My Name  +, writes (16 January 2010):
 It was consensual sex - no one is at fault. Why should anyone need to wear blame for a mutual act?
I can understand you may not like it, but just say you split up with her at some point, ... should she have not had sex with you incase the next guy does not like it. Don't be dumb - sex happens - big deal!
I am increasingly begginning to think people just should not ask partners about prior sex lives if they know they are of the personality type to respond irrationally.
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A
female
reader, Lizz +, writes (16 January 2010):
 Who she has had sex with before she was with you should not provoke any type of angry/resentful feelings. It certainly doesn't merit any type of physical harm towards the other male. I suggest you seek counseling for your anger management and control issues.
Did you know she wasn't a virgin when you met her? If so, and you felt angry about it then, you should have never gotten involved with her.
I only see one outcome of this relationship. Emotional pain for both of you. You will most certainly lose the one you love so much if you continue to act like a brute.
You will lose any future girls from this as well. Please get some help. It's not a sign of weakness. It takes a very strong person to admit they have a problem and an even stronger person to seek help for it.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2010): Every woman should have a past and every man should have a future. Cant remember who said that but its about right. If you go around wanting to bash up every guy that slept with a girl before you did, then you are going to be in lots of fights and spend a lot of time in jail. Its jealousy but you have to learn to handle it. She was your first. Woop woop. What about when you are on your 4th girlfriend and shes wanting to beat up your ex girlfriends because you slept with them? You are going to think shes a psycho right? Either man up and allow other people to have a past. Or find a virgin girlfriend and marry fast x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2010): Let me start off by saying that your feeling of anger is totally normal. You understand that it's not this other guys fault. In reality it's not her fault either. She had no idea she would meet you in the future. No idea she would care about you as much as she does. Also, realistically this day in age she probably thought she wouldn't meet a nice decent guy who hadn't been with another woman.
I am currently engaged. My fiancé has been with other men before me. Every time I think of it it drives me crazy! I just get so mad. At her sometimes, but I remind myself she had no idea she would meet me.
You need to train your brain to not think of it anymore. Don't talk about it, think about it, and eventually you won't. You are young. With time you will realize that how she is with you now is what is important. Does she treat you well? Love you? If so, those qualities are hard to come by.
It probably hurts her that you dwell on this so much. If the situation were reversed and for whatever reason you were in her shoes and you loved her; you would want her to know that. Not doubt it and understand.
Just tell yourself she is with you now. Not him. You. I'm sure she cares for you more probably even enjoys it with you a hell of a lot more.
So long story short, if you want things to work out with this girl; accept it and forget it
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A
female
reader, veronika +, writes (16 January 2010):
 Yes, it is wrong for you to feel this way - it's wrong because you're getting angry about something that isn't even your business. What she did in her past with other men is her deal, you should be putting your energy into the future you may want with her.
My advice? Forget about the other men and focus on your girlfriend. Any negative feelings you have about her sexual past isn't constructive and it's only going to drive the two of you apart. I think you need to stop being immature.
She didn't need to "say no" because she obviously wanted to have sex with those other men. She's her own person and can make her own decisions. You need to see her as the sexual human being she is, and she had sexual needs before you came along.
But she's with you now, and that's all that matters.
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A
female
reader, SeXylOvE12 +, writes (16 January 2010):
 Is there a reason why this is bothering you so much? Does she talk about him all the time? Because her having a previous sexual partner really shouldn't be that big of a deal, but it's obviously haunting you for some reason. HAve you asked her not to talk about it?
Regardless, there is nothing you can do, the past cannot be changed. If you love her as much as you say you do then you guys should be able to make it through this together. Have a serious talk and tell her how much it's bothering you and then both vow not to bring it up again. You need a new start.
If you're desperate there is also couples therapy.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (16 January 2010):
I'll tell you now that if you touch him, not only will you end up arrested, you'll end up losing your girlfriend. Yes, you're right, she could have said no. But she didn't. Her past is her past, and that's it. If you sit there dwelling on it, I assure you that you will lose her. A girl does not want an angry boyfriend walking around hitting her ex lovers, and worrying about her past. Your girlfriend just wants you to accept her as she is, because that is what she has done with you. If you can't, end it.
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A
male
reader, Flyguymyeye +, writes (16 January 2010):
You just have to learn to deal with these feelings. I find myself ina similar boat. You have to avcept that what she did is neither right or wrong but ultimately irrelevant to your relationship.
Ps you won't find it easy, but girls have pasts too and that is something everyone with the same issue has to accept.
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