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male
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anonymous
writes: My wife and I split over a year ago and it is has taken me a long time to get back on my feet. We both made mistakes in how we treated one another and decided that it wasn't working.I am now in a new job, have a beautiful girlfriend and generally everything is going well.In the last month my wife got back in touch with me saying that she wanted to get back together but not immediately. She said things were complicated but she had realsied what she had lost and wanted to try again. This really messed me up as I thought things were dead and buried. She also told me that she was pregnant to him but had an abortion.She now wants me to stay away until she sorts everything out.I still love her and want things to work but don't know what to do. Do I wait patiently and leave myself open to further disappointment? How do I deal with the past and what has happened?Please help.
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male
reader, shandy +, writes (3 September 2006):
It appears to me that you still have alot of feelings still for your wife but on the other hand you mention that you have a beautiful girlfriend. Only you know the true reasons for the separtion but I would suggest counselling however she still can't decide what she still wants, maybe she is testing the feelings you still have for her. Dont go running back without having a good think about what you want in your life. Good luck
A
female
reader, Juliette  +, writes (3 September 2006):
 It would be interesting if she knows about the girlfriend. Otherwise, after all that time, she is not even wanting you back, she just wants to keep you in reserve. If you go back now she may have you on a string. If you are happy now, then it seems to best option to go with the new and move forward, but the decision has to be yours.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2006): tell her to leave you alone because she is in your past and you have a bright future ahead. tell her to go find someone who wants hurting
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2006): Did you wife cheat on you? Is this the heartache you are still holding onto and keeping your pain alive?
Individual counseling would be the best way to address this issue. With it can come out all the reasons why you loved (love) your wife and what lead to a divorce.
You will also be able to get a clearer head to make a good choice/decision.
How is the girlfriend? Do you compare her to your wife? Does she come up short? Is this fair to you and her?
You haven't fully healed and do you want to?
Do you really want to get back with your wife?
It's odd she would tell you she wants you but then ask you to give her time...doesn't sound very committed to me.
I say get some counseling for yourself. Hope she has some counseling as well.
And say goodbye to her. There isn't any point in waiting for her.
Good Luck.
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A
male
reader, CRS698 +, writes (3 September 2006):
 Hi, You said you are happy with your new life and its going well for you. Going back to your wife would put a stop to that wouldnt it?
If she says she wants you to stay away she cant be that serious anyway.
If you go back to it there will be a lot of resentment and issues that you may not be able to resolve.
I say stay with your new life and move on, you're back on your feet, you have confidence in yourself now, stay on your feet and keep moving forward rather than going backwards.
I hope it goes well for you.
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