A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend and I broke up (mutually agreed upon) for irreconcilable differences. No cheating on either part. However, after I moved out (having lived together for two and a half years), I tried to get through the split-up as best I could, after having relocated from New York back to South Florida. I had a brief fling (totally unplanned, two months after the split) with a friend I had reconnected with, lasted a weekend. However, after that fling, my ex and I had begun speaking again, (after not speaking civil to each other since the split up) and began talks of reconciliation. My question is, after her asking me if I had sex with anyone while broken up, I tried to deny it (not to hurt her), however she pressed on, and I'm a fool for honesty, and gave in and told her. She then proceeded a few days later to tell me, she was intentionally going out to find someone to sleep (and did just that and gave my explicit details) with just to seek revenge against me, for cheating (her words) while we were broken up and not even speaking. She still continues to bring it up while maintaining she was justified for doing what she did (revenge) because of what I did (while broken up). Her words, "You made me do this." I'm beginning to be a bit concerned with the thought of a lasting reconciliation. Not starting off on a healthy note. Need some words of advice, good, bad and the ugly. Thanks.
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broke up, moved out, my ex, revenge, split up Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (18 May 2007):
 Firstly you did not cheat, you were not together at the time.
Secondly, you are afraid to be honest with her. You can not build a relationship on that.
Third, she is a revenge perona. You "drove" her to do it? Oh please. More like she wanted to do it, and used this as an excuse.
My question is what is she going to do the next time you two have a fight and she FEELS that you drove her to take revenge again.
You broke up for a reason. STAY AWAY.
-Frank B Kermit
franktalks.com
A
female
reader, lisarocksyoursocksoff  +, writes (17 May 2007):
 i think she's being unreasonable but i think it's also important to understand why she might have done it. maybe she was just hurt that you were able to move on and get over her or even just show signs that you were over her.
it can be hard for people to believe that their ex's still had feelings for them if they slept with other people after they broke up.
maybe just tell her how you feel about her behaviour and how childish you think it is and why you would not consider getting back together with her for it, and what she says might suprise you. if you don't like what you hear then maybe yo0u can make decide where to go from there
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A
male
reader, Ponungalungb +, writes (17 May 2007):
 I assume your girlfriend is about the same age as you 41 - 50. That's a little old for playing "revenge" games. She's obviously too immature and too vindictive for a serious relationship.
Life's too short. Move on.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Sexybum +, writes (17 May 2007):
 I think this issue will always be here. and she's pretty screwed up to go and do that isn't she!? I personally wouldn't be able to sleep with anyone else if I had feeling for someone, so I would start to question what her feelings for you enatail...
You didn't do what you done to intentially hurt here, you genuinely thought that you were moving on from her, you had moved house and everything! What she done was to meant to hurt you! Don't go back when you can just go forward, it seems to me that those 'unreconciable differences' are still apparent.
and on the final note, maybe you only feel fond towards her because the fling with your friend didn't work out, so your feeling like you should go back to what you already know... don't be afraid to move on, take risks and try new things / relationships.
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A
female
reader, LenaTobery +, writes (17 May 2007):
 ur right theres too many doubts on both sides ....why even try to get back together when all you are going to do is keep doing things to each other? she didn't do that to get back at you ...she did it because she wanted to ......walk away cause all ur going to do is hurt each other more..
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (17 May 2007):
 I really really hate it when someone tries that "you made me do it" crap. People who don't stand accountable for their own actions and decisions should be avoided like the plague. I'd move on to greener pastures if I were you.
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A
female
reader, Suzie767 +, writes (17 May 2007):
 i think your right about your doubts.
i think this is doomed. a very simlilar thing happened to me and my bf after a temporary split and we have never recovered from it. 3 years later it is still causing problem in our relationship to the point where we will probably split for good
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