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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Hi all...I need some help coz I've been getting annoyed with this friend of mine. She and I go to the same university. Recently, she started buying the same perfumes that I had, so I stopped wearing mine because I didn't want us to smell the same. Then she started thinking I'd be better for the guy she's dating who does not want to commit. She'd even get upset just thinking that if I might have been single, I'd have stolen him away from her and I'd comfort her telling her nothing like that would EVER happen, not just because I'm in a relationship but because she's a friend and I love her as one. I have no idea where she gets a thought like that from, I've always been supportive of her, helping her through her tough times and been a good friend, and she does acknowledge that. Then, on my birthday, she knew what I was wearing (a dress and a white trenchcoat with white shoes) and wore something exactly like it, right down to the shoes! Now she wants to go to my hairdresser. I was reluctant to give her the name. I don't know why I have such a problem with it. She's not a bitchy kinda person, she's a very nice, soft-spoken girl with good manners. I haven't ever said anything about it and I don't think I can be upfront about it, but all this is really getting on my nerves. Am I being selfish or something? Or is this annoyance justified? Anything I can do about it? Thanks for reading..All suggestions welcome :)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2007): Hi..OP here..Thanks for all your replies..I just really wish it was that easy to keep my cool with it coz today she told me to stop wearing *my favorite perfume EVER* or else she's gonna go out and buy it and added a 'heheh'!!!! I'm soooo peeved about it! I'm officially gonna stop hanging out with her if she does that!! Would that be too drastic a measure?!
A
male
reader, Dos_Vinci  +, writes (26 March 2007):
 I can understand it getting on your nervs. I don't think you need to tell her what she's doing is wrong. Just help her get connfedince in who she is. Take her to your hairdresser but find something that would look good on her but yet fits her personality. Help her find her color she looks best in and her make up and everything else. She's just trying to go with what she already knows is working. Be her guide! Think of her not as a friend, but a little sister.
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A
female
reader, Gwyneth +, writes (25 March 2007):
 Ever heard the saying, "Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery..?" I think that this is a very true observation. While I certainly understand that you find it annoying for this friend to keep adapting aspects of your look for herself, I do not feel that a blatant attack on her would help matters.
The girl clearly has self-esteem issues and doesn't have her own sense of style yet, so if you confront her too harshly, it will only hurt her. I'd say that you should err on the side of kindness and distance yourself from her but let it go.
I mean, it's not like you're both showing up to the same events all the time wearing the same thing. And, unless you're Naomi Campbell or something, you aren't a supermodel, so why sweat this stuff? Take this girl's imitations of you as a sincere compliment and leave it at that.
Love and luck,
G
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A
female
reader, cd206  +, writes (25 March 2007):
 Can anyone say insecure? That's almost certainly her problem. She dislikes herself so much that she looks at you as a person she admires as someone who has the style and the look that she wants. Equally this is the reason why she's scared about you stealing her boyfriend. Your twenties are difficult years. Suddenly you're expected to have all the answers, to know who you are in a way that nobody expected you to be when you were a teenager. Believe me, I know, I'm in the same age bracket as you. If I were in your position I think I'd use the fact that she trusted my opinion and judgement to my advantage. Maybe look at her thoughtfully and tell her how you think her hair would look good or go shopping only for her and tell her how great she looks when she finds something that is her own style. Hopefully you'll be able to bring her out of her shell little by little and encourage her to become her own person. It'll take a while but if you're willing to persevere I think it'll work well in time.
CD
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A
male
reader, home_land  +, writes (25 March 2007):
 hello
is there is any thing good about your friend to say you have talked only abou how great you trat her and how bad she is i dont know if she is only a person you know becouse ecording to what you said that girl is not a"FRIEND"and with friends you shair every thing away from men and sex
good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2007): i dont thiink you are being selfish atall- i know how annoying it is to have someone copying you all the time and maybe next time she asks for the make of your ferfume or clothes you should make a joke comparing you and yourfriend to twins because you are always doing the same things and wearing the same clothes, or next time you see her in the same outfit as yourself , mention that you have an outfit just like that one, if she dosent get the message after a few weeks maybe confrounting her would be for the best if you are finding it that much of a nusance!
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