A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hi their. I have confidance issues when it comes to how long i last during sex. I always please my partner though oral and hands before sex as she doesnt orgasm through intercourse. Once she had cum we moved on to the sex. I was prolonging cumming for as long as i could. We were at about 10 minutes in when she said. Would you just finish. I felt bad about this cause i was going down on her for 30 minutes to make her cum. and its always drilled into men that lasting along time is more manly . Just after some points of view please. If i didnt try i would probaly cum in about 5 minutes going flat out
View related questions:
orgasm Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 November 2011):
 Anon reader, yes, it's difficult to understand if you don't just ASK.
If you want to know what day my birthday is, you have 365 chances to guess it wrong. But if you ask me, I'll be happy to tell you. Simpler than that....
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2011): Oh God, why did you make women SO difficult to understand?
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2011): Woman are all very different. My ex liked lots of foreplay (mainly on her), had several orgasms from intercourse, and I usually came after maybe 15 minutes...sometimes longer. My current partner rarely cums at all, and she ONLY cums from oral or manual stimulation, and she doesn't even need to cum...in fact, she says it's too much work. So she likes me to cum as fast as possible, so we can do it again. Personally, I'm not a 6 shooter...I prefer to build it up over a while and release a really big one and take a break. So our rythm is a bit wierd, but we both enjoy it.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2011):
Women are - SURPRISE! - people, too! My wife frequently wants me to finish as soon as possible. I don't get it. No man will. When my wife cums she wants me away from her as soon as possible. You'd think she would want multiple orgasms or at least make sure I came, too (if I did not) but no. Listen to her. Don't let her dictate, but do listen.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2011): I can't believe she could be so rude - how awful. I think you need to discuss what she said when you are both calm and certainly outside the bedroom. Tell her you are confused as to her sexual needs. Don't forget that YOU have sexual needs too. Sex isn't just about a man pleasing a woman. I agree there is too much pressure on men sometimes.
...............................
A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (17 November 2011):
You have all the answer below, take note. You have stuff to learn. Continuing sex after an orgasm can and often is almost unpleasant due to the hightened sensitivity. 30 minutes of oral sounds like a marathon, all the women I have know would have given up long before that. You need to practice a bit more on technique, ask her to tell you what feels good and where. I think one thing most men don't realise is how gentle you need to be, its not like it looks in porn. Can you get to orgasm with your finger? You should be able to. Do lots of kissing touching etc before, its good to start with her panties on, and very very gently work on her button like you are stroking a ladybug. When she is good and wet (or add some lube) remove or just sneek inside the panties and carry on. Unless she asks dont even bother to put a finger inside her, much as you want to. If you are in the right position you can penetrate just at the instant she starts to come. You will be so turned on by her pleasure that you will be lucky if you last 20 seconds, and it will be the best sex ever. Sharing great orgasms is more art than science, you will have to practice to get perfect. Giving a woman a great orgasm reminds me of the game where you have to roll the ball bearings into the little holes, one wrong move, loss of concentration, and you are back at the beginning, and you only get three tries! Good luck.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2011): It seems to me there are potentially two different issues at play.
The first is why she didn't want to have intercourse longer. It's hard to say for sure, but in my experience the same woman will sometimes want to go a long time, other times she doesn't. I guess it's just a mood thing. I'd ask her what she wants, but don't take it personal.
It's also possible she realized you were prolonging it on purpose, and she had already been satisfied.
I had read that in a survey of sex therapists, the respondants said that intercourse (penetration) ideally should last something like 6-8 minutes for a typical couple.
The second issue is why she said it the way she did. Her statement sounds rather rude in writing, but a lot of context, tone, etc. is lost, and it's not clear if what you wrote is a word-for-word quote of what she actually said? Also, I assume you weren't being rough, etc.? I also assume she hadn't given you prior hints that it hurt, that she'd had enough, etc.? She might be a bit self centered and insensitive. Is she blunt in other contexts? If so, it might not be a deal breaker if you can live with someone like that. No one is perfect, and you might be able to adapt to it.
On the other hand, it might not be worth it. There are sensitive, decent women out there.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2011): If you cum before her and said the same to her, you would be classed as sexvaly selfish. She is only interested in her self.
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (16 November 2011):
 IF I had a nickel for every woman who said, "F'r cryin' out loud....will you please finish off and get OFF ME..." I swear, I'd be one of the richest men in Florida.....
Good luck...
...............................
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (16 November 2011):
 I really must take time to read stuff properly...."I always please my partner though oral and hands before sex as she doesnt orgasm through intercourse."30minutes of oral sex.. then you want to go at it all night even though she won't have an orgasm through intercourse.You'll make her sore.... I don't want you to hurry and rush yourself, but the intercourse bit feels nice, cause she's close to you, but it's more for you than for her... You don't have to drag it out, she is unable to orgasm this way.Sorry if I sound rude or blunt, but longer definitely isn't better in the case. Just spend enough time so it's polite, and doesn't feel like you can't wait to get away. That's all that's needed with this lady. But please, go and talk to her.. That's the best thing.
...............................
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (16 November 2011):
 Well you thought wrong.
Sex is about two people, together. Or three. Or four and a donkey for the advanced class.
But is she is done and you are going to keep going for a while... well it is like eating dinner. You are done and someone else is still chewing their salad. How long before you slice their throat open with the desert spoon?
Sex can be short and good and long and good but ONLY for both, not one short and the other long.
So either slow her down or you speed up. Both together.
You are judged NOT by the clock but how well in tune you are with her. You better learn this before you take dancing classes or you try to win by finishing the dance in record time while stepping allover her toes.
...............................
A
female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (16 November 2011):
If she has already orgasmed through foreplay, and cannot orgasm through intercourse, prolonging intercourse just to seem 'manly' is kind of selfish. After a woman orgasms, she will produce less natural lubricant. Additionally, she may become super-sensitive to the point where penetration is uncomfortable or even painful.So, she likely told you to hurry up because you were hurting her (either because her natural lubricant had dried up and penetration caused friction and heat, or due to sensitivity issues, or both), and because she knows you know she can't orgasm through penetrative sex, and you were obviously taking what felt like a really long time to her to cum. For a long time my fiancé didn't seem to understand that prolonging sexual intercourse was actually so painful to me that, for awhile, it made me not want to have sex at all...he thought longer = masculine. It took talking to him multiple times over years to get him to understand that he was actually hurting me physically.You need to talk to your girl about this. You need to ask in an understanding and non-confrontational way "why did you tell me to hurry up and finish the last time we were intimate?"
...............................
A
male
reader, ironman777  +, writes (16 November 2011):
hi - I think with the range of answers seen here there is no tried and true method for this. Talking to her is fine and you never be afraid to do that, but I also think sometimes you should look after yourself. Because your being very generous with your loving, remind her that being generous is a two way street. Look after yourself first occasionally - sounds like your doing all the work anyway.
...............................
A
female
reader, Koala Bear  +, writes (16 November 2011):
 Yea, that's a mood kill. Sexual compatibility is an important factor of relationships. Hopefully you two can work this out. Have an honest discussion with her about sex. Find out what her feelings and theory on sex is. Maybe her views on sex would surprise you more so than her explanation on why she said "would you just finish up already" ten minutes in.
...............................
A
female
reader, KittieS +, writes (16 November 2011):
 I think that is pretty mean of her if she just used the words "finish already" my man is very attentive, and does last for ages and sometimes I do feel a bit exhausted, but I'd never say that! I just spin into a position that I know will help him out :) although he has told me sometimes he just loves the buildup and that's why he takes his time.
I think you need to tell her this upset you, if a man said this to a woman can you imagine the response! I think good on you, 30 minutes of oral sex and a determination to please your lady before yourself because you know she doesn't come through penetrative sex, a good chat is needed with your girlfriend.
...............................
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (16 November 2011):
There are no rules to sex. Yes sometimes longer is better, but not always. When you are tired, you sometimes just want quick sex. You must not get uptight, sex is supposed to be fun. Only one thing, does she orgasm with penetrative sex. Many women can't and the prefer oral sex or touching instead. Another thing, she could be sore if you were giving her oral sex for 30 minutes, or she could have had enough orgasms and didn't want any more.
With sex, it's always better to talk to the person your with. We can't really tell you what happened, or what she likes and prefers.
PS: Not all women like sex to take long, some women find it boring. That's why there are no rules, it depends on the person and you won't find out until you talk to her.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2011): Wow. That really was kind of rude of her if that's how she said it. I appreciate the immense amount of time my boyfriend takes to get me there and then we enjoy the rest of the ride together--it often last a VERY long time (MUCH longer than 5-7 minutes--heck, we go at it for an hour at least and that AFTER he's given me my gift). Talk to her, but gosh, that was just selfish of her, especially after you took that much time to get her there. Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (16 November 2011):
 after making me orgasm with oral sex I would be thrilled with 5 minutes of intercoure.
You need to talk to her and found out from her what works for her and you...
Also what you call SEX is actually penetration/intercouse...
oral sex
manual stimulation
foreplay
afterplay (VERY IMPORTANT to many people.. this is the cuddling and pillow talk part)
are all SEX
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (16 November 2011):
 Why are you not asking her? Why have you not discussed this with her? She is your partner after all, I hope she is a girlfriend and not just a one night stand. Some time we don't want a guy to last for a very long time. After an orgasm we can be tired as well, and not want to have a lot of sex.. Could be so many things, you really need to ask her about this!
...............................
|
