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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Hi everyone, I was wondering if you knew when it was time to slowly let a friendship go? How do you know that you have outgrown a friendship? Recently I found myself having negative thoughts about a friend, and it bothered me. She has been a close friend of mine for a few years and recently we just drifted apart due to our own busy lives, and also due to a huge fallout once over something really minor. However recently after getting together with her, it really bothered me that she was always talking over me (she used to do this often and I chose to let it slide BUT I am not sure why it would bother me so much now) and some of the things she said bothered me. I don't know why but sometimes I have this gut feeling that she says stuff to make me look bad, or to even subconsciously make herself superior to me. I've always had this feeling but I am not sure how to put it in words. She also has the habit of one-upping people since I've known her. It bothered me in the past and I let it slide, but now it really bothers me and I cannot fathom why I feel so strongly about it. :/ I also hardly share anything about my life with her because most of the time she is the one talking. So nowadays I feel that I have this lack of interest in asking her out, and I don't know why. Could this be a sign that I have outgrown her as a friend even though we used to be really close? I think that maybe, just maybe, I've had enough of her nonsense (one-upping, talking over me) but I feel bad thinking about it like that because she was there for me when something bad happened. Would appreciate any advice on this, and how to handle it. Thanks! :) Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2011): Original poster here! (Not sure how to verify lol)
Thanks for the advice guys! What some of you said certainly made sense. Yes I find myself less tolerating of her now, it's like every time after meeting her and we part, I find myself bothered by her little remarks and behaviour. I agree that maybe we are both growing in different directions so that's why I find it quite painful to be around her now. Thanks a lot guys! I have a lot to think about :)
A
female
reader, Ravanna85  +, writes (17 November 2011):
 This sounds like my exact situation. I have a friend exactly like yours. Always superior than others and one-upping everyone. Something else my friend does is, when she sees you're really interesting in something, she makes it her duty to come and be a part of it. Like if you like certain songs, she'll put them on her ipod even though you know she doesn't like it, or if you're laughing with someone about something just you two were talking about she'll intervene and ask what you're laughing about, and if you tell her it's nothing she'll annoy the shit out of you until you tell her, (even when it's not even that exciting) but if you try doing that to her, she'll never tell you. That's the way she is, the problem is, even though she has all these faults she CAN be a good friend, but I've come to realize that, if the negatives outdo the positives, maybe it isn't really the best idea to continue as close friends. Take me for example, me and my friend sort of had a big argument about something, and although everything seemed fine, I drifted apart from her and just talked more with other friends. This angered her more, but we're semi-over it now. All I know, is that this is my senior year, and I'll be 5 hours away from her at the college I chose. So do what you think is right for you, just do it in a way that won't get too ugly. Hope I've helped.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2011): look, these things are normal. yes, she's been there fr you when you needes her.but the thing is, she has big flaws that used to be fine for you, but not anymore. that's normal.
if you feel like you can't put up with them, just don't. she's either gonna respect you more or your friendship will fade. but you can't be real friends with someone you can't handle.
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A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (16 November 2011):
 I don't think "outgrown" is the right term in your situation. You simply have lowered your tolerance level when it comes to her faults and short-comings. Judging from your story, she wasn't a good friend to begin with. Maybe you made excuses, or didn't fully acknowledge all her negatives in the past. But now that you're older and a bit wiser, you're realizing that maybe she isn't worth it anymore. Maybe after a few years, you're seeing her more objectively/clearly and have realized that you're not really compatible with her personality.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (16 November 2011):
 When I have outgrown friends, for similar reasons, lack of stuff in common.. we have just faded away... slowly... sad but true...
so when she calls to do stuff just be busy.... eventually the friendship will be one sided and it should fade away.
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