A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with my ex of 2 years because the relationship was very toxic. She treated me very badly and I didn't respond in kind. She had a very tough past and kept remnants of it. After 2 prior breakups, I realized that this one was for good and decided to not try again. Although we had major issues, we deeply loved eachother. She asked repeatedly to get back together but when I kept refusing, she immediately found a new boyfriend and moved in with him after 2 weeks.Now, they have been dating for a little over 2 months and from what a close friend told me, they are planning to be engaged. While the breakup has been very tough on me, I accepted it and continue to believe it's the best outcome as there was no way the relationship was going to work. However I do feel some regret and even jealousy. I do wish her the best but keep wondering what this guy is doing so well to handle her while I couldnt. I keep questioning how he succeeded where I failed... This is certainly having an effect on my already painful recovery.
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female
reader, maisy1  +, writes (30 April 2013):
This new guy of hers clearly wont end up happy: Even if she wasn't on the rebound or suffering from her past, it would be a disaster!! How can he possibly know what she is really like after a couple of months? How can any sane, rational, mature, level headed adult possible wan tot move someone in after a fortnight? If that was the actions of a 17 year old I would throw my hands up in despair let alone a grown man!Clearly this guy is a push over, a fool, and quite frankly, a twat! Why be jealous of their nonscense of a so called relationship? WHy feel he has succeded when clearly he is living in a fantasy world?MAybe he thought it was love at first sight? If so maybe he needs an eye test? Nobody can possible know what someone is really like after two months, that's bull!
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (30 April 2013):
 The issue here is that you see your breaking up with her as a failure and him being with her as the success and that may not be the case. In fact, the success may be that you have removed yourself from a toxic relationship and were healthy and emotionally strong enough to resist returning to something known and comfortable instead of pressing forward into the unkown.
Why is it that being partnered is the success and being honest and true to yourself if the failure?
It’s been two months for them, that’s not a success it’s still too new to know how they will remain. The fact that you are aware of what’s going on with her is part of the issue. YOU must go NO CONTACT. YOU have to totally walk away from contacting her, responding to her, watching her on social media, asking friends about her etc. TO YOU SHE MUST BE DEAD.
She’s your ex. What she does and how she messes up her life is no longer your concern.
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A
female
reader, Got Issues +, writes (30 April 2013):
 You absolutely did the right thing. Recognising a toxic relationship and ending it takes courage and maturity. You tried and it didn't work. I know that from the outside it must look like they're having a successful relationship but come on, they moved in together after two weeks? Engaged after two months? My guess is that she was hurting from your breakup so she took the first guy that came along. Rebound. Things are moving extremely fast and there is a strong likelihood that they will sooner or later crash and burn because she obviously has some past issues that are unresolved and they have no solid foundations for their relationship.Try not to think about them. When you do, remind yourself that you did a good thing, the only thing you could do under the circumstances. Keep yourself busy and get on with your life. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, malletchick76 +, writes (30 April 2013):
 Keep this phrase in mind "you take you wherever you go".
It may seem on the outside that she has changed and has a good solid relationship with the other guy... that could be the case, but I doubt it if she was so toxic with you. It sounds like she is being a ms. pacman, eating up other people, searching for something such as "will you make me___" or "can you do___", which is not good. People act this way because of what's inside of them, which has nothing to do with you. Until she really has taken the time to do her internal homework, I think you are better off without her.
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A
male
reader, peanut_gallery +, writes (30 April 2013):
I am not certain I see what the question is. She wanted to get back with you. You were the one that declined. If you had accepted she would have come back to you.
It sounds to me like she was overly eager to find someone new and speaking about engagements after only 2 months seems very premature. You can't directly compare 2 years with 2 months.
It simply appears as if you have broader horizons and were able to do the right thing for the long term despite having to take a hit in the short term.
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