A
female
age
41-50,
* Bennett
writes:Hi guys, I am ordinarily a well put together 36 year old woman but find myself in Unchartered territory. I have recently been having a flirtation with a guy (which is an alien concept as I have been on my own for a long time) in person he is gentlemanly, charming and flirtatious but when I text him, he keeps it to a minimal. I have now instigated coffee and 3 text chats. I think he's interested but not sure. I have no idea what this potentially means or what to do next?. I feel like a complete nut even feeling like this. I would really appreciate some honest feedback. I really, really like him and would like something more with him.Look forward to your responses xx
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female
reader, E Bennett +, writes (24 May 2013):
E Bennett is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you to everyone for all of your comments. I was so consumed with the fact I found this man attractive that I was letting my heart rule my head. As I stated previously, it is rarely I find someone attractive although I am asked out on dates all the time. Taking on board the comments, and also analysing things for myself, for him, this was just sex.
I have asked a few times if he would like to go out and do something, to which he always has an excuse, (even if perfectly plausible). I have too much self respect to be some old man's play thing (he is 50 incidentally, although he does not look it). I am blessed with wonderful friends and family, and if it is meant to be, I will meet the right guy who loves me and wants to spend time with me. God knows, I deserve it (that's not meant to sound conceited, I just had a really bad marriage).
I think this site is wonderful for people like myself, and I am truly grateful to everyone who took the time to reply.
Thanks, in the meantime I shall keep searching for Mr Darcy,
E Bennett
A
female
reader, E Bennett +, writes (1 May 2013):
E Bennett is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi all and thank you for your comments. All things considered I called him last night and we have a date on Friday. A couple of things he said within the conversation confirmed to me he is interested.' Be still my beating heart!' Lol. Anyway I shall keep you all posted with future updates, and I have no doubt I will be seeking more advice.Thanks again, much appreciated
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A
male
reader, Glacier  +, writes (30 April 2013):
I'm in your age group and I too very much prefer IRL contact over texting so you can laugh together, flirt, see body language etc. It's simply more intimate.
I would arrange a date next and why don't you just ask him what he thinks of texting.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (30 April 2013):
 Hi
He could be a text hater, you don't know where he is at that time so he could be pre-occupied.
As he replies though and met you for coffee then he must be interested,even slightly. Don't overwhelm him, he has a life,so do you and this is very early days.
Call him, ask him on a date, for something fun,not at your place but something specific such as a film or live music in a pub, even a picnic...if he stalls, says he isn't free for a while, then leave it.
I hope it leads to something,it's that time of year when it's good to spend the evening outdoors with somebody nice.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2013): People often forget that some people do not like communication by text. By minimizing the length of his responses by text message, he is politely letting you know that text messaging is not his preferred method of communication. It doesn't necessarily mean he's not interested or dismissing you. When you like someone, it is best to keep it up close and personal. People retreat into a shell and hide behind using a text, because it saves face. They don't have to face reactions or expressions that send signals of rejection.Messaging is also convenient; but please bear in mind, they can also be intrusive when a person wishes time away, and doesn't want to create offense by not responding immediately. There are times we get overwhelmed with messaging coming from friends, family, and co-workers. Then you forced to prioritize responses to all these messages, and someone gets offended. He may hate typing. They haven't perfected the voice-response text feature on smartphones. Unintended words may be accidentally sent. You may as well call, rather then talking to the stupid phone! Makes sense only when driving.He may prefer hearing your voice.You can intensify the flirtation by keeping up your active pursuit of his company. I love it when I am invited out by an admirer; by offering me time together, I am allowed to accept and we take it from there. Then the roles are reversed and it's my turn to pursue. Continue inviting him out. Don't mess things up by trying to make him read your mind, or creating expectations without putting your thoughts into words. Then there is no disappointment when he doesn't follow through by "instinctively" doing what is expected (something preconceived in your mind); or he didn't read your mind and do what you "thought" he should do. Thus, you misread his inaction as "not being too interested." Or even worse, not being interested at all. Take a risk and tell him in words, and in person, that you wish to spend more "time" together. It is too early to announce your want for something "more." How much is more? What is more? At this point, you don't know exactly what "more" is. There is no such thing as love at first sight.There is attraction in an instant. That makes more sense.Do you follow what I am saying here?When you say you want more, don't dismiss him because he isn't aggressively pursuing you. You are two individuals with two minds and different approaches. Getting to know each other is how you learn his way of thinking. Having face to face interaction allows you to "voice" what you want; instead of waiting for it to suddenly happen. Some guys have to be coaxed into courtship. He likes what he sees, enjoys your company; but he's not closing in at a pace that confirms his interest. Men have a built-in retreat and flee reflex when things get too emotional. So gently approaching him gets enough of his attention to realize it's safe. Like approaching a skiddish puppy. You move in slowly until you're close enough to pet him.Call him. Ask him if he would like a home-cooked meal, or check out a movie. Then you get to know him slowly. Allowing him time to process the possibility of something"more."Good luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2013): Well, ordinarily, in these circumstances, the guy would initiate an invitation out on a date. Your post said that you instigated a coffee meeting and a few texts. I know that it would be nice if he asked you out, but you might consider making the second move and ask him out. He may be a little shy or something in person and needs the woman to get things going. What do you have to lose?
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