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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: There’s this shy guy at my work who at first would not say anything to me, but now seems to be making attempts to say hi and stuff to me. He’ll stare at me and if I stare back, he’ll like fumble around. I don’t get it because at first he wouldn’t talk to me and now he seems to be trying to. Maybe he was just nervous? The other thing I’m worried about is in the past both my friends who were girls and even some guys would just hang around with me because no one else was around. They would then ditch me for other friends or because they suddenly were “too cool” and popular to hang out with me. I’m afraid that this guy will also do this- once his confidence goes up, then he’ll move on to someone else. I know I shouldn’t dwell on past experiences, but I can’t help but think about it. I’m also worried that I’m not good looking enough for him. I realize that I’m insecure and stuff, but usually guys don’t like me. They think of me as a friend or only talk to me in order to date a friend of mine. I also know that I’ll never know this guy’s intentions unless I go for it, but I’m nervous and don’t want to end up hurt. What should I do?
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confidence, insecure, move on, shy Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Glacier  +, writes (30 April 2013):
Agreed with the response below. I also was shy once.
I had a crush on this girl. Then one day our eyes locked from a distance when we were walking towards each other in the crowd at school. We just kept staring at each other (for at least 3 seconds) and it ended in smiling and both turning all red and stuff. :-)
This was such a confidence boost for me that I went after her later. She didn't stand a chance. ;-)
So smile at him and talk to him. Flirt with him. Show him you're interested. If this doesn't trigger something in him then you'll have to take the initiative and ask him out.
A
male
reader, King-MFS  +, writes (30 April 2013):
 You mentioned two facts in your question that I want to discuss:1- I believe that the best way to get to be sure of his intentions is to confront him, but you have to do this step by step if you want to get some good results. You should try to form a friendship with him than in due time ask him if he is interested in you. Considering the fact that he is a shy person it is really important to do this slowly or he will freak out and say no even if he is interested in you. He will either respond positively or negatively to your question, the important thing is to respect his choice and try to maintain your friendship with him even if he says no. Remember that a good set of relations with coworkers is a very important part of one's occupation (even with a shy guy). It will help to reduce work stress and provide a good background for further advancements in your job.2- You mentioned something about you not being attractive enough! Let me tell you something. There is no such thing as pure beauty or pure inelegance; therefore, being beautiful or attractive is something that is extremely relative. This means that you might look attractive to the eyes of a certain guy and at the same time be the least attractive person to the eyes of another. The important thing is to find someone that sees both physical and inner beauty in you, because in relationships the flames of sexuality and physical attraction will start to go colder as time goes by; therefore, the most important thing that keeps relationships standing after a time like 10 yrs. is the fact of being spiritually, culturally and emotionally connected to your partner. So if he is like that then you found your guy, but if not keep looking, there is always someone who matches your lifestyle!!I hope you find this useful
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2013): Speaking as a shy guy, I would talk to him! You can't be sure how he feels unless you get to know him better. I was once too shy to ask out this one girl, but she was brave enough to show her interest in me so I asked her out. Then we wen out, but I doubt it would have happened if she hadn't taken initiative. So if you like this guy, ask! Unfortunately it is always the case that someone could move onto someone else, but you don't know until you try. Good luck!
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