A
male
age
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*oin crazy
writes:Im 51 years old and my wife is 38. Just to make this short and to the point . I cannot get an erection to have sex . I have told my wife out of frustration and respect for her that she had my blessing to have sex with other men . She has done that at least once that i know of. And it took me a long time for me to get her to tell me that. I think she was embarrsed to tell me. Just imagine how embarrsed i was just to tell her that it was ok to do that. Now in the past couple of weeks she has stuck on this one saying thit "SHE WANTS THE REAL THING' but she dont want to have sex with other guys ,, she just only to have sex with me knowing full well that i cant do it. And yes i have tryed all the pills and prescription drugs available and nothing works without bad side effects. So now she says that she dont enjoy it when i try to get her off just by rubbing her vagina. And dont like it when i rub her nipples . All she can say is again that "SHE WANTS THE REAL THING . and that she dont want me to start anything in bed that i cant finish with my dick. But its all i hear is this real thing crap. And it only can be me to have sex with her. As GOD as my witness i am telling the trugth. What in GODS name is she trying to tell me other than she wants the real thing knowing that i cant do it?????
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2009): http://kidney.niddk.nih.gov/kudiseases/pubs/impotence/
Hi, I am concerned more with your health and lifestyle choices that are causing the ED. Have you had a complete physical and do you know why at the age of only 51 you cannot ever get or sustain an erection?
Are you overweight, do you never excercise, are you an alchoholic, have you had your testosterone levels checked, your blood sugar (diabetes) your heart and arteries checked?
There has to be a cause for this and I would at the very least want to know what I needed to do to improve my overall health, as ED is usually a sign that something else is very wrong and could be an indication of a life threatening disease in men.
If you have been injured or had irreversible damage to the area, then yes, I suppose surgery to correct it or to implant a pump would be the option.
As far as your wife is concerned the sexual explotation of her suggested below is nuts! To tell her to have sex with other men is not healthy for you or your marriage or your wife's health, so I would stop suggesting it, it won't make her feel loved and it won't make her pity you, it will eventually drive her away.
So don't be angry with your wife on the issue of the real thing, find another doctor who can run some tests and do a complete examination including questions on your lifestyle to get a solution to this.
I hope the best outcome for you.
A
male
reader, Beingblack  +, writes (20 June 2009):
 Well while I can understand your frustration, I also think you should attempt to see things from your wife's point of view. She dosen't want any other man. She wants you. I appreciate that drugs etc might have bad side effects, but how bad? A headache? A little numbness in your limbs? How bad?
You seem angry with your wife. My personal opinion on men and women is that I would do almost anything to sexually please my partner. If that meant a little pain or discomfort for me, then so be it. Her pleasure should be paramount. Try not to be angry, try to figure something out.
Maybe a vibrator, a prosthetic, or something similar involving you too, would help. Telling your wife to go have sex with other guys may seem noble, but she is not comfortable with that so dont push her. Reassure her, because even though your condition may be medical, she thinks that you don't find her attractive. Tell her that you do, help her to understand your problem, and help her achieve an acceptable level of satisfaction.
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A
male
reader, EllsworthT  +, writes (20 June 2009):
At 38 your wife's libido is in overdrive. She is an out-of-control sex machine.
On the other hand, you are a sexual has-been. I assume you've already tried all the pills. You might want to consider surgery--say, one of those nasty pumps.
You are in for some tough times, my friend. But if your relationship can survive another 5 years, your wife will have calmed down by then.
The best advice I can offer you is to "man up". Her aging female brain is more muddled than ever and needs to be focused--by you! Introduce some sadism into your sex life. Show her who's boss! I find older women generally like it rough or can be easily trained to enjoy it. She may not admit it, but she WILL respect you more. Use a strap-on (for men) and knock her around a bit before and after sex. Get kinky with that thing: Do both doors. Use your mouth a lot. Jesus, most broads prefer mouth over dick anyway.
The "she can screw other men" is now over--unless you are into watching this kind of thing. Don't pretend you said she could have sex with other men because you respect her, you said it because you're a coward and want her to pity you (she won't). Take charge and let her know how things are going to be. Do her often.
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A
male
reader, MMMaM +, writes (20 June 2009):
Can you not get it up to anything at all? Porn or whatever?
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