A
male
age
36-40,
*uriouslyopt
writes:Long story short;My Ex and I went out for 18 months. Last month we broke up (she broke up with me a few days after I talked to her about how she is always lying to me and others). We were deeply in Love. We also lived together. Anyways, the break up was hard and rocky. A few days ago I brought her flowers since she found out she has cancer. She freaked and said I'm trying to push myself on her. So she said she would not contact me for a long time. OK, that is fine. I love her but I'm ready to move on because she is a liar (to others as well, just her nature). Well, she recently got a boyfriend which I know is a rebound because she cannot stand to be alone. I also started dating around just to get over her.However, 24 hours (Sat. night) after stating that, she send me a picture of herself. I didn't respond and she said "Oh you must be on a date, I'm sorry, I shouldn't of sent that". After I noticed the message I replied "it's OK". Then she called me. I answered because I thought she was arranging to come get her stuff. However, she said can you talk, I want to hear your voice. So I talked for about 20 minutes about the dog, my life, work, just basic stuff, no "us". Then we hung up and that was that. Now she has a boyfriend, why would she call me? Shouldn't she be calling her boyfriend. This girl is a emotional mess. On top of that she found out she has cancer. I know her better than any guy since we were each others first love. Basically, I want to be there for her a distance, as a friend. I'm usually against being friends with EX's but two things; She needs a small amount of emotional support from me since she is going through a lot and 2). we have an apartment together and accounts so for another 8 months we are tied together in a way.So what I want to know is how should I handle this? I can't cut her out quite yet (@ least until the lease runs up). I want her to know she can't keep me as a back up plan and I'm moving on. Basically, she has to choose between me or him and she can't have both. Advice?
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male
reader, TheLadiesMan +, writes (17 January 2010):
She's lying to you she dont have cancer.. my girl pulled that bullshit on me.. and please dont tell me she claims to have "cervical cancer" thats the oldest trick in the book matter fact 2 of my ex chicks pulled this stunt on me.. she wants you back but she wants you to welcome her back.. she probably dont even have another boyfriend..
A
female
reader, gurunikki  +, writes (17 January 2010):
i think what this woman is doing is what we call "testing the water". i feel she is trying to find out what feelings you still have for her(maybe to see if you can get back together, or maybe she doesnt want you but doesnt want anyone else to have you) or, which is my personal feeling, is that she is addicted to having all attention on her(it is my opinion this is also why she is a compulsive liar). i dont suggest that you cut all ties with this woman, but i feel that she behaves the way she does because you allow her to( i.e by telling her it was okay to send you the picture and then calling her) things like this are what leads her to think that she can do whatever she likes and you will stay go running whan she clicks her fingers. only you can put a stop to this by standing up to her. good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2010): Not to sound insensitive, but dishonesty is found in many people, including those with cancer. If you think about it, a true friend keeps their actions out front, and is honest about all they do, and that way you can trust.
Stay clear.
If you were her current boyfriend, and she conducted herself with another man the way she acts with you, what do you think of her style now? Do you deserve honesty in your life?
What worth is your friendship if you weren't attracted to her?
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (17 January 2010):
To be honest I think this girl has serious psychologocial issues. If she is a compulsive liar, and always wants attention, there is a chance that the cancer story is a lie just so she can get attention. And for her to say then that you're pushing yourself onto her is something else. I would strongly suggest that you pull yourself away form this girl as quickly as you can, then cut her out of your life. This is about attention. Don't fall for it.
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A
female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (17 January 2010):
 I don't mean to be rude but, are you absolutely sure she has cancer? Are you sure this isn't an aour attempt to win your attention after your break up?
You were together for a really long time and you both are expecting to be able to get over each other in a month. As much as you'd like this to happen, I'm afraid it won't.
If you are sure she DOES have cancer then she will be an emotional wreck and she probably has no clue of what to do next or who to depend on seeing as you and her have just had a very traumatic break up (it would seem). So I think you should forgive her for the calls and things, she'll be in a very emotional state right now and I don't think you should take it as being anything more than a search for support at a very difficult time.
If you think she may be lying, the cancer story, the phone calls and the asking about dates is all a way of saying that she is missing you, however, it's bad form of her to do these things as you both have agreed to move on. It would seem in this case that she wants two guys chasing her and obviously, that she's not over you yet.
You both need time apart to get things straight in each other's heads and you shouldn't really see each other for a while whether she has cancer or not. She needs to get her emotional and relationship statuses stable and if you're still in contact with her, it's bad for both of you.
So in which case, if she rings you, you should tell her that phoning you isn't a good idea because you both need to move on and need time to get over each other before you can be friends and not cause each other to feel miserable about one another. If she has cancer, it is understable that she is reaching out for support, but she's looking in the wrong direction if she's asking it of you because it'll cause her more pain and emotional disturbance if you and her carry on the way things are. She needs to speak to a councellor about what's happening in her life right now if she has been diagnosed.
You both need time and you both need space.
Best of luck xx
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A
male
reader, DeadEyeDick +, writes (17 January 2010):
 You mentioned in great detail that she is a full blown LIAR!! Im curious as to having many a liar girlfriends myself, does she really have cancer?? without a doubt? your 100% positive this is just not one of those girls who by your own words is a liar?? which generally means the type of girl that will go to the furthest reaches of the galaxy to play head games with you? i'll answer or put my 2 cents in on the rest of the question as long as I know that we are playing on the same level here??
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