A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I'm 19 and from the UK. I've been living in Banff, Canada for the summer and have met a girl that I really like who's a similar age. We've got with each other a few times and I've slept round her house after nights out and what have you....but no sex. Now, at first I thought she was just shy but it turns out that she's actually quite religious and doesn't believe in sex before marriage. To be honest I'm kinda taken aback, I didn't really think people still thought like that in the 21st century. Let me just say I don't just want a quick lay and be done with her, I'm not that shallow. In fact I've only had sex a few times before myself, so am hardly a player!I've even asked her out on a date in a couple of days because I do really like her. I'm a Christian myself but certainly not traditional in my thoughts, but I think maybe religion is a bit of a heavy topic for a first date, no? Obviously I don't want her to have sex against her will but I just think it would leave both of us a lot less frustrated because when we've got with each other because it's obvious she's wants to have sex (she's said as much) but then another part of her brain kicks in and says no to temptation or to use her words 'its not proper'. Arggh, Can anybody help me, how can I talk her round?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2008): As a christian girl, thats the worst, and biggest thing you can take from someone. (not to come off rude) Having sex does not solve any problems. No, it doesn't bring you closer. In fact, if you aren't married, it can push you apart. Her virginity is so special, and I know this probably sounds dumb. But it's SO true. I really don't even see the need for you to have sex. If it's waited this long, why can't it wait longer? Until your married. No girl wants to loose their virginity to someone there not going to be with for the rest of their life. I look at it like this, If i lost my virginity, what do I have to offer my husband? Only my leftovers. And that's really not what I want. I feel like i'm saying this harshly, but I guess it's because I feel so strongly about it. I've been hurt so many times, by guys who have asked to have sex. And if I would have given it to them, then what would I be left with? Nothing. Being a Christ Follower is alllll about doing everything for the glory of God, and all sex before marriage is, is plessure. Selfish Plessure really. Even if you love each other, and your going to get married, wait till that night(:Even if it doesn't mean as much to you, i'm sure it does to her. Don't try to talk her into it. I'm sure she would like a man that respects anything and everything she chooses to do and believe in.sorry if I didn't help(:
A
male
reader, theOC  +, writes (23 June 2008):
I agree with lazyguy's comment. You're leaving back for the UK at the end of summer. Sounds to me as if you just want a story to tell back at home with your friends. Sorry to say, but you're too immature in your way of thinking. It's possible that the 21st Century beliefs on religion and premarital sex are different, but not everyone thinks the same way. You're making a huge over-generalization fallacy. Respect her wishes and if she wants to have that special moment with you, it will come.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2008): "Logicdebates" I'm sorry to say this but I think you are seriously off your head. No matter, I find you very, very funny.
"I suggest you Google up the risks of sexual activity and realize how much merit celibacy carries. Almost everyone I know who had sex is pregnant, got a STD, got physically, psychologically or emotionally injured"
You know some seriously messed up people. Keep on taking the tablets and the world will seem a lot less frightening. And stay away from the computer, cause I think it's making your condition worse....LOL.....
Back to you dear poster,
Unfortunately for you this girl has strong religious beliefs that she highly values. Don't try to talk her round to sex, if she breaks her own personal vows, she will hate herself and hate you even more. Offer her marriage or move on.
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A
female
reader, M! +, writes (23 June 2008):
 respect her decision.
you didnt even mention in your statement whether you love her or not. she's saving her virginity for some one who she loves and loves her back. and it seems like you only want sex.
and for your comment "I just think it would leave both of us a lot less frustrated" , umm that would only make YOU less frustrated. she's probably frustrated because you dont understand why her virginity is so important to her.
if you really like her then you will respect her,
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A
female
reader, Ck1 +, writes (22 June 2008):
i think your are a bit shallow,if she has decided not to have sex, then respect her view,
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (22 June 2008):
 Right and when you are going back to the UK after the summer where is she?
You just want to shag her during your stay. Well, sorry but nobody on this site is going to help you do that.
Find another girl without her convictions and stop being so shallow.
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A
female
reader, witch-fire +, writes (22 June 2008):
 I can actually see your point of view. Maybe have a proper discussion with her. It sounds like you've not discussed it except when you've been frustrated.
but after this, if she still doesn't want to there's nothing you can do without approaching rape. she's made her decision. if you do really like her, you'll have to accept that, or lose her respect.
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A
male
reader, logicdebates +, writes (22 June 2008):
How bout you respect her decision to abstain? I suggest you Google up the risks of sexual activity and realize how much merit celibacy carries. Almost everyone I know who had sex is pregnant, got a STD, got physically, psychologically or emotionally injured. Think with your head and heart, not penis!
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (22 June 2008):
 Hi sweet,
I understand what you're saying, but the reality is that you're just going to have to respect her beliefs and her comfort. She obviously doesn't want to have sex until she's ready and while this may be a traditional way of thinking, it's not a bad way or a wrong way. Please don't push her any farther than she wants to go - and even if she succumbs to you eventually, she may feel really bad about her decisions afterward.
Hold her happiness above yours and do what's right for her. If you really see yourself with this girl and committing to her exclusively, your relationship will be even stronger because she knows she can trust you and know that you'll respect her wishes.
Good luck, sweetness!
xx India
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