A
male
age
51-59,
*mith200074
writes:My girlfriend broke up with me and refused to speak to me in person or even give me a logical reason behind her decision.We are both in our late 30's and have had many relationships before this one. When I met my ex, she was divorced for over 3 years with a young daughter. From the beginning we hit it off quickly not only because we were attracted to each other but because of our maturity, openness towards each other and our similarities in philosophies regarding relationships and expectations. We wanted to have an open relationship based on strong support for one another with clear communication, respect, integrity, compassion and love.We began to date and I quickly realized that she backed up her words with her actions. I fell deeply in love with her. No woman had ever treated me like she did. She was madly in love with me for my looks, character, my kindness, romance, understanding, respect, professionalism, etc. In the 8 months we dated we must have had 1 argument and it was small. Our relationship was perfect and she was even planning on the day that we would eventually live together. She also never thought that she would be able to find someone of my caliber who enjoyed kids and would date a girl like her with a child. Till today I miss her little girl as much as I miss her. I love them both.Our breakup was very strange. On a Monday she tells me she loves me to death, the next day Tuesday she ignores my calls and when I finally do reach her she breaks all our plans (just because she is not in the mood). On Wednesday she continues to ignore my calls and on the next day she text messages me telling me that she needs her space and if I wanted to break up with her then just send her a text message saying so and we can just move on in life. I was shocked and deeply hurt by her behavior. I saw the writing on the wall but couldn't understand why, there was no argument, fight etc.A week later we finally spoke in person and she agreed that this was an issue of miss communication. I just wanted to work things out with her at whatever price. The next day we were going to get together and I wanted to speak to her further about the matter. On that day she calls me and tells me that she does not want to continue the relationship for reasons I wouldn't understand. I tried probing her and her answers became very inconsistent. She first tells me that I was the best thing that ever happened to her but right now in her life she has to much on her shoulders (financially) which is causing serious stress and that she doesn't have time or energy to be in a relationship. I know that her divorce destroyed her credit, her business is not doing well and she feels all alone with a small child to raise. Then again, what does that have to do with our relationship, especially since those things were there before we even started dating. She then stated that there were other issues but "I wouldn't understand" all of this has nothing to do with me. According to her its all her fault, she can't be in relationships and that is why her marriage failed. When she becomes stressed she needs her space.I thought that all of this was none sense because these financial problems where there before we even met. Therefore why did she continue and pursue this relationship and very passionately. I felt that it was a lame excuse especially when you are in your upper 30's and I am very hurt by all of it. I felt lied to and to a certain point used. Neither I nor her have ever attempted to communicate with each other since then.While we dated I would notice that there were days that my girlfriend had very strange mood swings. On a Monday she would be happy and on Tuesday she would be sad and withdrawn and on and on. Her moods were very unpredictable. Dur to her work she always complained about being tired and she would get frequent migraine headaches. In her family there are a few who are taking heavy medication and see shrinks. I just don't understand how someone can love so deep and claim that I am the best boyfriend she could have ever imaged and on the next day refuse to even speak to me. I feel very confused and hurt.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2009): Since when was it compulsory to give reasons when you want to end a relationship. She has dumped you mate. Stop focussing on what she aint told you and pay attention to what she has. I know its hard and its hurting and very unfair but pushing for more reason while ignoring the standard ones she did actually give you will only lead to more cop outs (lies)She has said."On that day she calls me and tells me that she does not want to continue the relationship for reasons I wouldn't understand.""right now in her life she has to much on her shoulders (financially) which is causing serious stress and that she doesn't have time or energy to be in a relationship.""She then stated that there were other issues but "I wouldn't understand"These are pretty standard bullshit excuses. The one i hate is when they say they really like you as a friend when a week earlier they wanted to fcuk your brains out. The common theme is that you aint gonna understand whatever she says. My guess is she is to ashamed to tell you the real reason but in a few months time you will probly heare something and then then it will be clearer and you may understand why there is no way she is gonna tell you to your face. But she is telling you what you need to know now. I think your better off accepting it and moving on or your gonna get more hurt.I wont speculate on what it may be but i doubt its anything you will like or be able to forgive.
A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (15 October 2009):
 I sure have experienced this...Its called being full of crap...DUMP HER!
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male
reader, Smith200074 +, writes (15 October 2009):
Smith200074 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI like to thank everyone who responded and provided feedback. However, I have an interesting updated on this situation. After a week I went to see my ex, seeking proper closure to our relationship. To make a long story short, my ex broke down and told me the real truth behind our break up. From what she explained, she has a mental health issue which she can't control and comes out in all of her relationships. Relationships for her no matter how good make her feel oppressed to the point of feeling like she is drowning. Her mind runs wild with conclusion which are false and her nerves go out of control. She feels uncomfortable to the point that she starts to get migraines and then she withdraws from society and needs "her space". She literally sleeps for days and avoids everyone who is close to her. This condition has caused her all of her relationships and her past marriages. She claims that she is the perfect example of the "runaway bride". She claimed our relationship was excellent but she can't handle the stress of being in a relationship. I have never heard of anything like this. By the way, she is very high level professional who is highly recognized in society. For obvious reasons I am with holding her job description but she is as vital as a nuclear engineer. Has anyone ever experienced anything as wild as this?
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (3 October 2009):
She is a drama queen.stop looking for closure or answers, you will find none.Sounds to me as if she found someone else and is conflicted whether to keep you around in case guy number 2 doesent pan out.That type of behavior is the type of someone who is having a hard time keeping their lies straight. Sorry to say, but she has found someone else, and you are the last to find out about it.when someone needs their space its because they need to date someone else, unencumbered by your affections. Simple as that.She has more problems than a math book. end the class and walk out of her life today. It will hurt, sure, but thsi relationship is Dead on arrival
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2009): Ok, not that I'm "into" astrology but I do read it to see and track to see how accurate it is.Sept was a tough month for relationships, suppose to be better in Oct.BUT, besides that ...I hear ya. My guy and I had been seeing each other for over 9 months, no arguements ..best realationship I ever had. He started building a house a couple months ago...and things were fine for a bit but went south.I know stess is high at this time, house building and finances, along with family, etc. Well, he cut me off...out of the blue. No clue either, in fact 3 days prior to that we spent a nice night at a hotel. I hurt. Four weeks later I went to his place, things were a bit tense but he apologized, and get this ...he didn't even realize it was 4 weeks! So depending on how long you want to wait, I say try to have patience and give her some space.Stress can ruin any relationship, let her breathe and figure things out...then YOU can make a choice to move on or get back together.It might just be in the stars....
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female
reader, HereAreMyTwoCents +, writes (3 October 2009):
 In my shoes, an open relationship is not a good platform for strong attachment. I could never be in an open relationship, I would be much too jealous. To me that would have been the first warning sign for you, the open relationship agreement. Apparently, there are couples who can pull this off, but personally I am baffled by the arrangement. You say that you have both been in a lot of relationships in the past. I think that the level of commitment and attachment that can be reached by people who end up in several relationships, is not that great. So if you were to ask me, that's where your problem is. Find someone who is not so unattached to people, and commit.
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female
reader, jessjess  +, writes (2 October 2009):
 I agree with Caringguy. I've just gone through a similar thing with my ex-boyfriend, apart from we are only 20 so it is very different in many ways obviously. However it is the same as in one moment he was telling me he loved me and was the best thing to have happened to him, the next he was saying he wasn't sure he wanted to make things work anymore. He didn't know why he felt that way and was searching for answers and reasons for days until I couldn't take it anymore as he clearly couldn't give me as much love as I could give him, so we broke up. I still have no idea why and it broke my heart. I loved him so much and we had perhaps 2 or 3 small arguments in a year of being together. We had lots in common, and just had a lot of fun. I think sometimes there is just no explanation (horrible and confusing as that is), yet if someone's heart isn't 100% in things anymore, the other person isn't going to be happy anyway as they will just end up feeling unloved and taken for granted. It's awful at the time I know but clearly you and her are not meant to be right now/if at all. You will only realise that breaking up is for the best when you can move on with your life and meet someone better who can give you the love you deserve and not change their mind about you every few days. So give yourself a chance to be open to meeting that person and try your best to move on. If your ex and you ARE supposed to be together then you will be, but you need to let her go first. That way if she comes back to you you will know that she was always yours. If she doesn't, she never was. Sometimes good things fall apart, so that better things can fall together. I hope you find the better things soon. Good luck.
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reader, CaringGuy +, writes (2 October 2009):
Stop looking for an explanation. You're not going to get one. She wans't the one for you. That's the way you have to look at it. It sounds like she had a lot of drama in her life beforehand and didn't know what she really wanted. I think you'd do better to move on and find a woman who does want to be committed. Dont' wait for this one. Accept that it's over, delel her number, take your time getting over her and find another woman who will love you.
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