A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I got out of work early and thought I would surprise my b/f I been dating for a year now by showing up at his apartment last Sunday afternoon. I have a key so I let myself in. I didn't think he was home because the house was quiet. I went to his bedroom where I found him naked with a vibrator up his behind and he was stroking some clear plastic thing on his penis at the same time. I guess it was a fake vagina.He saw me and screamed, so I ran out of his apartment. We haven't spoken, texted, or e-mailed in a week. I am too embarrassed and I guess he is too.How do I fix this? He is a great guy, the love of my life and I don't want this to be over. I just don't know how to break the ice. I don't know if I can look him in the eye.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2014): Just wow, this is one of the biggest success stories I have ever read.
Are you guys still together?
Have you used a strapon on him?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2009): Thanks for all of your advice.
I decided not to text him, so I went to his apartment when I knew he would get home from work. I brought my vibrating dildo with me and showed him that I have a sex toy too. I think he felt a little more comfortable about his toys when I showed him mine. I even confessed that I tried using it up my behind once, but did not like the sensation.
I explained to him that I should not have barged in on him and that he is entitled to do anything that makes him feel good (except for cheating that is). I also apologized for running away. He thought I was disgusted by what he was doing and he felt too embarrassed to call me all week. I told him that I was startled and behaved immaturely when I ran.
So... I asked to see his toys up close and personal. The vibrator was a simple plastic device, not phallic shaped (thank God!). He said it makes his orgasm more intense and that he cums more when he uses that device. That's exactly what cgrlygo said. He was using a very amazing fake vagina. It was shaped like a big flashlight, hence the name. I had him lay back while I tried his toys out on him. Cgrlygo was right! I never knew a guy could cum that much!
Well... we added the toys into our love making and I must say it has spiced things up a lot!
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2009): masturbation is normal. nothing to stop talking to one another about. go to him, say sorry for walking in on him and then go for a meal or something. you are a couple after all.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2009): and for gods sake don't text,, we are not in grade school. Call the man and leave him a message or speak to him like a grown woman!
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2009): the pressure on his prostate makes him cum harder... that's why he uses the vibrator... hell, Ive been known to use various toys as well. if truth be told he did nothing wrong but know his own body. good for him... I don't know why your embarrassed you've had sex with him... I'm sure you know by now that both of you masturbate. You know how you like it, are you embarrassed?
lets cut the immaturity-if your not relaxed enough to talk about sex then maybe you shouldn't have it.
you didn't walk in on him with a hamster for gods sake!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2009): Honesty i think may work best - you could text or email him saying something along the lines of you were not sure how to re-act to what you saw the other week therefore you ran out due to embarrassment over catching him in such a way but remember to tell him you love him and still want him in your life etc. I personally think that once you get the first meting over and done with, you'll be fine :)But please remember that experimentation is normal :)
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female
reader, HonningKanin  +, writes (3 October 2009):
 Hello there,Well, this is certainly something I am sure you weren't expecting, but now you know and I am sure both of you are getting tired of this silence.I think it would be best if you sent him a text message, as I am sure he is waiting for you to do so. Its your reaction and judgement he is probably tormenting himself with, but if he doesn't hear from you he will just assume the silence is you running from him.Just tell him that you were sorry for disturbing him and that you aren't upset or angry and that you just didn't know how to react. I am sure this will be a weight off both his and your shoulders. Afterwards you will be able to talk about it. Assure him you still want to be with him and just be honest with him.Good Luck,HonningKanin
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female
reader, countrygal462  +, writes (3 October 2009):
 i think you guys should just talk about it. i know its going to be hard, but its gotta be done. if hes the love of youe life, then uve gotta work it out. for the sake of your relationship. just ask something like soo..what was tht? or.. what maks you want to do that? just be up front with him. dont beat around the bush.
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female
reader, HereAreMyTwoCents +, writes (3 October 2009):
 Well, the fake vagina I wouldn't worry about. The thing up his behind does make me wonder, unless he's just trying to stimulate his prostate or something. Give him the benefit of the doubt, and assume that everything he was doing to himself was of a heterosexual nature. Anyway, I'm not sure it should really be that big of a deal to talk to him about it, if you guys are one year into a relationship. Maybe you two don't have as close of a relationship as I would imagine having with someone after knowing them a year, but if you don't, I think you should, and you definitely can't allow something like this to stand in the way, use it as a springboard for getting closer. Seriously, you need to just go to his place, and break the ice by making a joke about it or something, and smiling, just to let him know its not a big deal. The more you wait and stay away the worse he is going to feel in the end.
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female
reader, LoveGoddess +, writes (3 October 2009):
I think it depends on how you feel about his using the vibrators...are you ok with it? Either way, I think you should make contact with him and apologize for showing up unannounced. Maybe that will break the ice between you. If you are open, you should offer to use his toys with him!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2009): So you clearly know this guy well, otherwise why would you have the key to his apartment. Isnt it odd that you don't know his preferences in bed by now? Maybe you haven't had sex yet and that is why you are embarrassed? In either case, he thought he was in private in his own home. You were the one walking in without invitation. So call him and apologize for intruding. Imagine how you'd feel if he came in and saw you do something you'd rather he didn't see you do. Then maybe he will open up to you and explain his point of view on this. It's nothing unusual though. Men (and women) are sensitive up the anus, which is why it feels good. Not all like it, but many do, both men and women. You should be glad he practices safe sex with himself and uses a vibrator. Ive heard stories of men who use sausages or other foods... So just be happy!
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