A
male
age
26-29,
*dhocracy
writes:Ok righto. My beautiful girlfriend's mum brewed up a shit storm with a friend of my family. The mum is a hell of a lot less immature than than my love. So after the fact things between my girlfriend, lets call her Ella, and me have been a bit strained. Ella is the most wonderful person in the world and I couldnt live without her. No im not some idiot teen and I have been in love before so please, save the your just a kid speech. But, I dont know what to do. I saw her in the middle of the week and she was a bit distant but she truly lights up my world. Her and her idiotic childish mother are very close and I think I need her more than she needs me. Pleas help me. I can't lose her. She says she still loves me and doesnt want to lose me but we havnt spoken in 2 days =S.
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male
reader, empty-1  +, writes (30 January 2010):
Caringguy's idea is sound. Solid advice.
I would also like to add, however, that you are not going to gain any favor at all with your girlfriend by seeming to dislike her mother too much.
I am not suggesting that you lie, cover up your feelings or any such nonsense. However, there is a far cry between disagreeing and being disagreeable.
You may not like her, she may not like you. There's likely little you can do to change those facts. However, having the presence of mind to be silent or factual whenever her mother comes up would be a good idea.
What I am trying to say is that if she and her mum are real close, then she's going to have very very strong feelings about her mother. She's not going to appreciate anyone who speaks badly or seems too bitter or disprespectful towards her mother.
You don't need to roll over and agree with the lady, nor do what she tells you. You do have to "be the better man" and put forward an attitude of respect. Respect for her as a woman, as the mother of the woman you love, and respect for the differences the two of you have. By being calm, respectful, and not bitter, you show your girlfriend that you love her, and that while you may not agree with, or even like her mother, you are happy to let the two of them sort out their own mother daughter relationship without trying to make it your buisiness.
On the other hand, by calling her mother names, and ranting and raving about her immaturity, you don't do any good, and a lot of harm. You put your girlfriend in an emotionally conflicted position, and while you're doing it, you also manage to come off as "just a child" and a poorly behaved one at that. This isn't going to do you any favors.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2010): You dont mention what the sh*t storm was about or how old Ella is, so maybe her mother has good reasons to be unhappy with things. If Ella is being distant with you, why is that? She may agree with her mother on some points. Id just back off a bit and let the dust settle. If Ella thinks enough of you, she will come around eventually. While thing things are still heated because of the trouble, keep your head down. You sound quite self opinionated and you will probably make the situation worse if you say the wrong thing.
Ps. `Bad mouthing` her mother wont win you any prizes with Ella x
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A
female
reader, Chanelle.x  +, writes (30 January 2010):
I know exactly how you feel. Just cus your young they treat ya like a "kid". I went through the exact same thing and what i did, [i know it sounds wierd] but talk to the girls mom. I would mean a lot to "ella" if shes close to her. Tell her how you feel and how bad her actions are making you feel. Then talk to ella hopeeully it'll work. xx Good Luck xx
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (30 January 2010):
Send her a letter telling her how you feel and see what happens. You say you can't lose her, but you very much might if she has to choose, which her mum may make her do. Send her letter telling her how you feel and see if that helps at all.
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A
female
reader, LadyCorsair +, writes (30 January 2010):
 The only advice I can give you right now is to stick by her. Call/ email Ella and tell her that you're there for her, but don't be too over the top. Don't talk badly of her mother in front of her- she may be idiotic, but it's still hard for someone to hear someone else bad mouth their own blood.
Give Ella a bit of space, but before you do so, make sure you tell her why you're doing it.
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