A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay, so im sorry if this gets long, and i know that im more in the wrong than any of these guys! I just really dont know what to do anymore, ive been with my amazing boyfriend Richard now, for 11 months, everythings being going great, hes so kind and conciderate, caring and mature, and hes absolutly gorgeous! 3 he buys me flowers and takes me out, and does nice things you dont normally find in a guy.. And we've not slept together yet because he respects that im not ready, and even though hes 9 years older than me, the age never gets in the way! We dont even think about it! Last friday night, we went to a party and had an absolutly fabulous night! We really enjoyed ourselves, an ex of mine, Simon, and his friend were the Djs, he'd been looking at me on and off all night! I tried my hardest to ignore it, but it became difficult, Richard went to the toilet and Simon came over to me, he said 'It is you isnt it' i says 'It is yeah' he smiled and walked away, Abit later on, i went to the toilet, and Simon followed in behind me, (yes, the girls toilets) he asked me for a hug, and i was like 'Erm okay.. But your kind of in the ladies toilets' he smiled, i hugged him and expected him to leave.. But he didnt, he began to kiss me, and he forced me into a cubical, he began groping me, and kissing me all over, i told him to stop, i told him my boyfriend was sat outside and this was not what i wanted! I tried to get him off of me and he wouldnt let go! He said to me, 'So you still got your little flower intact? Or is that boyfriend of yours a wild man?' This got me really mad! Someone came in and a tried to shout, he flushed the toilet and held my mouth closed. I froze! i didnt know what to do, he took my leggings down and started to finger me, he told me i was enjoying it, he made me have sex with him! the more i tried the get him away from me, the tighter he held onto me! I cried and he left, i sat on the toilet for about 5 minutes just staring into space, i sorted myself out and went back out, Richard asked me if everything was alright, i nodded and he kissed me, for a second i felt like id imagined the whole thing, we went back to Richards that night, and we layed in bed, i had my head on his chest, he was asleep, all i could hear was his heartbeat, my mind was dead! I just didnt know what to think, my mind was blank, i didnt sleep a wink! I just laid there, empty. All this week ive just felt so distant from Richard, i absolutly love him to pieces! And would never do anything to hurt him, which is why ive not told him.. But Simons just driving me crazy, all i think about it him, how he's messed me up, how much i hate him! So much runnin round my head, i snap at Richard every time he speaks to me, we've done nothing but argue! I just dont have a clue what to do or think! I dont even know what ive asked on here to be honest, i just cant cope with all this in my mind! I needed to tell someone! I just need someone to help me, i want Richard to hold me and tell me everythings gonna be okay, but i know if i tell him, it will be the end of us! I dont know what to do! Ive never felt so down, ashamed, lonely, empty, in all my life! Please someone, tell me what to do :( x
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female
reader, Mystery Girl  +, writes (3 February 2010):
Caring Guy.... it's not as easy as u think...trust me i've been in a related situation. sometimes u just want to ignore it or just deal with all together. it first started when i was 17 almost 18 and it went on for months and i still have to deal with the guy at times. btw did u know only 20% of women report rapes? only 20% that's not much. she's not alone. it's hard to face the truth.
A
female
reader, curious0hot +, writes (31 January 2010):
 It's not your fault! You need to tell Richard, and the authorities! It may be hard to prove, because (I think) a rape kit needs to be performed the same night. But, you will get it off your chest, and possibly save your relationship. Again, it's not your fault! Your ex did exactly what your title says: sexually assaulted you. He's a rapist, and you're a victim soon-to-be victor.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2010): Sweat pea, you need to definitely get help none of this is your fault and I'm sure if you tell your boyfriend he will understand. And definitely tell the police and get the help you deserve that man should be locked away before he hurts anyone else.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2010): It's not your fault! I would sit Richard down when you have a quiet moment and tell him that you have something you REALLY need to tell him. If he's a decent bloke, he'll stand by you and will believe you when you say that that prick of an ex came on to you, and not the other way around. Secondly I would go to the police because what you ex did to you was rape. If he did it to you, how many other girls will he do it to? Also, like caring guy says, get yourself to a GUM clinic or doctor's and get checked over. Everything will be alright - good luck!
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A
female
reader, curiouscatxoxo +, writes (30 January 2010):
HUN!Listen, Richard won't leave you over this (especially not if he's the kind of guy you says he is). I think it's important that you tell him because it's coming between you and causing you to argue. Tell him! Let him know you need him to be there for you right now because you've been traumatized. He'll be there for you and show you even more that he's not like simon and that you can trust him. Secondly, I'm very very sorry you had to go through that. No one deserves that! It's not your fault, you didn't ask for it, and you're not dirty or damaged. For a while, you're going to feel a succession of bad feelings -guilt, shame, emptiness, anger, and depression, but! This is you healing yourself...eventually you will get through this and maybe even help someone in the same situation one day! You're going to be ok, take the time you need to feel these feelings and let it out so you can move forward. I think you should tell your boyfriend bc if you can't trust him who can you trust!? And! if you can't trust him, he's probably not the guy should be with anyway. Good luck hun and please, whatever you do, just know this isn't your fault and you're gonna be okay. xoxo
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2010): You should tell Richard. How would it put an end to the relationship you two have? You did nothing wrong, you were assaulted! And your boyfriend is the one you should go to for support and the one to help you press charges against this ex of yours! Tell your boyfriend!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (30 January 2010):
This is not your fault at all. And that's the very firs thing you have to remember. This other guy, Simon, raped you in a toilet. You have to go to the police and tell them, and you will need rape crisis counselling to help you, otherwise you will not only push your boyfriend away, but you will become more and more withdrawn and isolated. It will not be the end of you and your boyfriend, because your boyfriend will know that you were raped. You must be very brave and go to the police, tell them what happened and get counselling. If you get the help you need and deserve, you will be all right. Also, you need to go to a doctor and have yourself tested for STD's, in case Simon gave you anything. You will be okay, but you must get help and report him in case he does it to you or anyone else again. Don't be afraid. Be strong. You have no reason to feel ashamed, and this isn't your fault at all.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2010): Im very sorry to hear about this assault on you. And you have nothing to feel ashamed about. Sometimes life throws awful things at us. And thats when we turn to the people we love for support. You must talk to your mother or your boyfriend. You cant keep this to yourself. What happens if you have picked up an STD or you are pregnant? Get checked asap.
Report Simon to the police for what hes done to you and if your boyfriend is the man he sounds to be, he will be there for you and help you, im sure of that. If you said no but that monster didnt stop, you were raped. And that isnt your fault, so do something about it. Big hugs x
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A
female
reader, pril +, writes (30 January 2010):
Oh I am so sorry for what has happen to u. U need to tell some one. The police would be u first place to start. U really need to tell richard if u love him u need to tell him. He needs to no. He will understand. He can help u though all of this. If he is a great guy like u said he will be there for u. So tell him. U also need to see a counselor it will help u to talk to some one. Please tell some one or this will drive u crazy.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (30 January 2010):
 You have to go to the clinic, get checked out and report a rape. I know you want all this to be a secret. The more you wait the more people suspect that you allowed Simon to do this to you. I know all this happened so fast you don't know what to think but you are going to need counselling right now. If Richard loves you he will want to protect you. If you let Simon get away with this you are going to regret it for the rest of your life. Some conservative parents would shut their daughters up because they don't want other people to know. I don't know what your parents think but you need to stand up for yourself. They think only sluts would go to parties and let that happen to them. Simon is bitter you got another boyfriend. He violated you and needs to be punished.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2010): Report it to the police. Tell Richard straight away. Straight away, doo it now.
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