A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:First off, thanks to everyone who takes the time to read this, I really appreciate the help.Anywho, I'm pretty upset right now because my girlfriend and I just got out of yet another argument about an hour ago and I don't know what to do.We've been together for a tad bit over 9 months and shes been amazing to be with since day one. She makes me laugh and I love her very much and the relationship has all the "good" qualities that one should have. And I think i've been a pretty damn good boyfriend to her. I'll listen to what she has to say for (literally) hours, I'm okay with the fact that shes not comfortable with sex or some sexual things right now, and I'm just fine with the fact that I can only see her on the weekends (because of work and us being nearly 100 miles apart now.But ever since we were together 3 months or so we've started fighting (pretty good sized fights too) every 2 weeks or so. Sometimes we wont have one for a month straight, then we'll just make up for it by fighting for 4 days in a row. They're always about little things that escalate into bigger deals (like fights with friends/parents, bad opinions from eachother, taking out stress on eachother, work drama, etc.)For the last 2 or so months every time we get into a fight she would suggest that we break up and sound dead serious about it. She says it'll be so much easier on both of us and that I could find someone who will want to have sex with me and who lives closer and I could see more often (as if any of it bothers me...). I would normally tell her that shes just upset and stressed out and mad right now and that she doesnt really mean that, which she's agreed and told me that she doesnt a couple times before. But lately, including tonight, she's said that it doesnt matter if we end it or not that she already considers us not dating and just really good friends anyways. Then the next day she'll ignore anything she said the night before and go on with the "i love yous" and "i miss yous".I dont know what to do, she hung up the phone tonight saying "DO NOT call me, i'll call you when i feel right about it." I know she'll probably just wait until tomorrow night to call rather than early morning and it'll be just fine but still, the thing that gets me the most is that she is so emotionless about it when she tells me shes tired of it.I love her, she loves me. We love spending time together and miss eachother when we're apart. Its just the fights that make us nearly hate eachother and I always say sorry, she'll just ignore the facts and continue on CONSTANTLY suggesting that we're just friends.HELP? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (14 October 2010):
Tell her to stop saying to break up unless she really means it. Girls have a tendency to go with their emotions and just blurt that out when they are upset but not think it through or really mean it. And you shouldn't have to question whether she really wants to be with you like it. Fighting is alright, but threatening to break up every time is not. Of course, the less fighting the better though.
A
male
reader, Boy Blue +, writes (14 October 2010):
So basically there's no sex and she escalates fights right? Not to mention she's even suggesting a break up and if I didn't know any better the love seems kinda one sided? Naturally you think that by being there for her anyway you can, she should be there for you or at this point at least not exploding in arguments. The only thing I can say is break up with her. I don't think she loves you anymore and if you constantly "try" to make things work without her trying, she is going to be even more mean and bitter. The reason is because she doesn't want to be with you anymore and she wants you to do the breaking up. I could be so bold as to say she maybe is cheating on you. I base all this stuff on the fact that your gf sounds like my ex. I think the long distance killed the relationship. The fact that your gf doesn't even care about the argument the next day is a good sign that she doesn't care about your feelings anymore, much less even love you. Even my ex said that she began seeing me as only her friend. You better start opening your eyes to the obvious signs else you'll lose yourself over her.
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A
female
reader, Madalo 1  +, writes (14 October 2010):
Dont fight back. She'll hopefully realise fighting is bad.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (14 October 2010):
 Just don't fight. You are probably thinking 'easier said than done' but it is just as easy. When you feel a conversation will escalate into an argument, ask to just stop. Reason with each other, why does she feel that way? Let her know why you feel the way you do. What can you do to make things better? And let her know that you need her to help make things better as well.
There is absolutely no reason why arguments should occur because of friends or family or opinions of each other. If either of you feel strongly about something, just let each other know but keep aggression away. You can bring the perfection back into your relationship, all you need to remember is peace.
I hope that helps.
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