A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am sexually attracted to older men probably around the ages of 40-60's. I never been with an older man, but I fantasize about having sex with them. I tried reading about people with this "issue", but most of them like older men because of their mature-ness, and stability. I know this is NOT the case with me because I don't want a relationship with an older man, I'm just REALLY sexually attracted to them. I am now 20, and I think I started having these feelings about the age of 18-19. I have normal relationship with guys my age, and I am also sexually attracted to guys I like that are my age, and those are the guys I would want to marry, and have kids with and all.BUT, I don't know why I am just so attracted to older men, I never watched porn before, and I started to just to search and see them performing the act. The older man don't have to be good looking or in good shape, its just something about a older man that sexually excites me.I have no clue why I fee this way, and I feel so dirty that I have these thoughts. Is there a reason why I am like that? Is this common? Is there a way to fix this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2020): Hey girl, you just spilled the beans. I have had the same fantasy for years. I'm 20 and I acted on my fantasy of having a sexual relationship with a much older man who was a complete stranger. He was thorough and made me feel so comfortable at first. So to answer your question I used to feel the exact same way. So whenever you're ready, just go for it!
Its frickin normal!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2018): First, it's fine that you have a high sex drive. My first wife didn't and it was a source of disappointment for me, since I married a girl who wanted sex before we married and as soon as she got pregnant, she shut me off.
I have been super horny since I was 13, and it hasn't stopped when I arrived at my 60's. I am amazed at the number of men today from the 30's on who just don't care. The girl I married (29) and I are so compatible we have great sex several times a day and enjoy 95% of the same things...you could say we are 2 halves of the same soul. As great a mother as my first wife was, she was afraid to get aroused until she was in her 50s. Today, I'm the happiest I've ever been, ready for a new family and am in great shape...oh yes...older guys just need to exercise and eat right...so much depends on testosterone for the ladies in our lives. So young lady, go for your man, no matter his age! If he has a zest for life, you probably will have a happy relationship!
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2017): I Am not
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female
reader, KoreanMexicanLolita  +, writes (18 August 2014):
 I myself have a similar attraction, and I thought it was weird, but I told my mom (who was also like this) and she said there was nothing wrong with it as long as the guys weren't too old. Sometimes, older men are just sexy. Or trustworthy. Or what have you. Not automatically perverts. I am 16 and my boyfriend is 30, and he definitely loves me. So I suggest you, OP, try this. It might work out, it might not. Just know that there is nothing wrong with being attracted to older men. You don't have to feel dirty. I mean, if it's okay for a woman to like younger men, why shouldn't it be okay for a woman to like older men?
~God bless you!~
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2010): It's very refreshing to hear a girl like you admitting her reasons. Sexual attraction, plain and simple.
Most girls your age who are into older men want to justify it by making unfair generalizations about men their own age and giving themselves credit for heaps of extra maturity.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2010): It's normal. When I was your age, I liked women in their early 30's. Now that I'm 40 (ugh), I still tend to like women in their early 30's, or ones that look that way. Younger are too immature for me (usually), and older than my age just look and act old (usually). People in their 30's, 40's or beyond are usually much more mature, experienced, caring and self assured than 20-somethings, which is where I think most of the appeal lies. When I was on my older woman kick years ago, I liked that they knew what they wanted and stayed on track . There was no playing games or moody flip flopping like "oh, lets have sex...no, wait...lets go to a movie. Damn, where's my lip gloss".
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female
reader, Maria-consuela  +, writes (14 October 2010):
 I applaud your honesty and openness, it is hard to be open about your fantasies - although yours in comparison to most is not on the wild end of the spectrum.
Young women are attracted to much older men for a plethora of reasons, some complicated some not. Some young women have issues of abandonement stemming from childhood experiences - a lack of trust love or commitment from a father or father figure.
Some women feel that older men might be more mature, have more to offer in the ways of stability and being grounded. Although in many cases this generalization is baseless.
If your interest in older men is purely animalistic, and sexual and not psychologically rooted - there is nothing wrong with it. Fantasies, fetishes - are healthy and natural and most of the population have them. It becomes your option at this point when you have designated this as something you are interested in, whether or not to act on this. Your best case scenario in making your fantasy a reality is to perform it in a safe environment, protected and comfortable - to prevent being at risk of sexually transmitted diseases. If this isn't possible you must do a risk/reward list and decide whether or not this is worth acting on.
I hope you find what you are looking for. :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2010): I've been in a sexual relationship with an older man for a while now, im 17 and he's 46. It's a kinky dominant submissive thing we both have which means we both like the age gap in a sexual way. It's pretty normal to like older guys - or at least I hope! As many people I know do!!
If you ever get the chance/ change your mind and want to go into a relationship I'm telling you now that it's really hard to go out in public together.
I agree with the comment about toy boys, and how a sudden gender switch seems to make it okay being really stupid!
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2010): Thought-provoking reply from person12345:
'any guy that age who would be into dating someone your age is most definitely a slimeball'...
why exactly is this? Who decided from on high that this was the case? No-one would attack a girl of this age and describe her as a 'slimeball' for deciding she happens to like much older men: but reverse the roles, and the guy's automatically a scumbag, sick, a borderline paedophile. Lynch him, grab the pitchforks. Again we have to move past the knee-jerk stuff and examine: why? What's really wrong about this?
I don't personally think a huge age-difference is generally a good idea, for a few reasons (vast gap in life experience, long-term unfeasability of settling down with kids etc). But it seems reasonable to assume that a guy in his fifties or whatever is perfectly within his rights to find a hot 20-year-old a much more appealing prospect than a hot 50-year-old, and IF the girl feels the same way, who's to judge it?
Yes, it looks unusual and may be much shakier ground on which to build a relationship, but there was a time when (for example) gay relationships were almost universally looked upon as sick, wrong and disgusting. To the extent that this has improved and is now seen as perfectly OK, it's only BECAUSE gay people were brave enough to confront these lazy assumptions and ask: why exactly do you feel this way, can you intellectually justify your opposition to such relationships?
I'm not implying narrow-mindedness on the part of person12345 who can usually be counted on for well-considered, well-thought-out answers. I'm just often struck by the instinctive knee-jerk factor that seems to be at work in dismissals of men (it's invariably men) as 'slimeballs'. A guy is perfectly within his rights to find sexy girls sexy, whether he's 20 or 50, and the fact of happening to be 30 years older does not inherently make him a slimeball, irrespective of outsiders' knee-jerk reactions. This girl is an adult.
OP: The fact that you're not really interested in a relationship with older man, on the basis of their greater maturity, and that the attraction is primarily sexual, indicates that this is a fetish. Don't worry about it. DO exercise great caution in your choice of partners, but don't let age be a factor if you find the right person. Good luck.
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (14 October 2010):
 Sounds like you just have some kind of fetish. It's healthy to fantasize about, but I wouldn't act on it. Mostly due to the fact that any guy that age who would be into dating someone your age is most definitely a slimeball. But you are free to fantasize about whomever you like.
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male
reader, BrownWolf +, writes (14 October 2010):
Some women find older men sexy because of a certain type of maturity younger men do not have. Older men would normally take time in the bedroom, while younger men would rush everything.
Those are some of the reason I know of.
Your feelings are a lot more common than the think.
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female
reader, Tarana  +, writes (14 October 2010):
There is nothing wrong with fancying older men.
I used to like them when I was around your age. However, now I only fancy men in my age group or younger.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2010): Im your age, and ive slept with an older man (55) before. I wasnt attracted to him, i did it for the money, he took me to a beach resort for a weekend. But the advantage that he had over younger men was patience. He took his time at foreplay until i was thoroughly wet, and the sex was good. I hear its not only him but this is a general quality of older men. I dont know:probably i havent answered your question but i just wanted to share my experience with an older man.
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