A
female
age
41-50,
*emma12345
writes:I am in a tricky situation. I split up with my ex Tim, who I dated for 4 years, 3 months ago but we have remained friends. I was 2 timing him for a few months (which he doesn't know about, and for which I am truely sorry). I have been dating Ed (who I was drawn to due to he charisma and sense of fun) for 6 months. And I now find myself pregnant with Ed's baby. I care for Ed but I don't love him - more recently he has shown me parts of his personality which I am worried about - V argumentative, stubborn, unable to take advice as "he knows best" and quick to temper if I say something he objects to. It was his birthday recently and despite baking him a cake, buying him some clothes and taking him out for dinner, he didn't seem satisfied or grateful. I know I am feeling vulnerable (and hormonal) as although Ed says he wants to have the baby he does not seem particularly happy, especially as we are not having sex at the moment because I am not having a good pregnancy and am worried about miscarriage too. I cannot help but think about Tim who was always loving and kind towards me. He says he would get back with me anytime. But he doesn't know I am pregnant with Tim's child, in fact I haven't told him about Tim yet anyway. I just keep wishing the baby was Tim's as he would be a much better partner and father. I cannot believe my bad decision-making and what a mess I am in. I know it is of my own doing and I have no-one to blame but myself. But do I continue with Ed and hope he changes and my feelings for him change. Or do I confess everything to Tim in the 1% chance he could forgive me??? Or do I go it alone, which will be a struggle financially? Some advice would be really useful, please.
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male
reader, weparley  +, writes (2 March 2010):
"You made your bed, Now lay in it"... No sympathy over here.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (2 March 2010):
Tim is unlikely to take you back now that you are pregnant with another man's child, and certainly if he found out you had been two timing (which is likely to happen, these things do come out) he would be very hurt. As for Ed, I think you now know that you are perhaps in trouble with him. He was obviously a bad boy, and you were attracted to him. He wont' change, so don't sit there waiting. Tell him that you will not tolerate being bullied, but don't make the mistake of thinking he will change after that if he doesn't first time around. If he doesn't, then go it alone.
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A
male
reader, VocalsAndRhythmGuitarist  +, writes (2 March 2010):
 Hello, Gemma12345. As you may easily find out, I'm only 18 years old, and I'm sure you might just ignore my piece of advice, but the little experience that I have in life has taught me that you should always just go for what you think is best for you. I know it sounds selfish, but it really isn't if you want to be happy. I'm not talking about walking over other people just for you to be happy, because that's not what's best.
If you think you would be better off with Tim, whom you say was loving and kind towards you, then you should tell him about your situation, and be extremely honest, so when you say how sorry you are, then most probably he'll include your apology in the Truth Department, as I call it, along with the other things you tell him about your situation. Tell him how much you care about him, tell him about the baby you're going to have, and tell him that you really wished it was yours rather than Ed's. (I think you made a mistake here: "But he doesn't know I am pregnant with Tim's child, in fact I haven't told him about Tim yet anyway." Did you mean he doesn't know I am pregnant with Ed's child?)
I really hope everything goes your way with this. Best of lucks! And remember to always seek what is best for you, but not by walking over others to get it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2010): Personally I would consider whether or not I should bring a baby into all of this. the fact that you are seeing things you don't like and as you have only been together for 6 months you may find out so many more things you don't like as you still have lots to find out about eachother.
Who really knows what else you may see in time isn't it our responsibility to know what kind of a man is going to be the father of our kids before we get pregnant?
If you have this baby you will have to know this guy forever he will always be a part of your life, do you want that or do you want to move on from him?
As for your ex I'm not sure what he'd say or how he'd react. But let's say he takes you back despite the situation and says he will help you bring up the baby, you may always be worried he may leave as you treated him badly in the past and he is taking on a huge responsibility which he is not responsible for and is instead the child of whom you had an affair with.
If I was you I would seriously consider another option aswell as the ones you mentioned.
Wouldn't you like to start again with your ex and one day make a family of your own?
Good luck I hope you make the best desicion for yourself.
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A
female
reader, BagLady +, writes (2 March 2010):
You know the mess you are in so I won't repeat it. You are in a really tough bind and I almost want to say you should give the child up for adoption (or if you have family to help) because you are far from ready to be responsible for someone else's needs to the point where it is worrying.
You seem to need some time alone actually to get yourself together. Even if Tim took you back, you would ruin/jade him. Why did you cheat on him? Why are relationships so easy to step into for you? You seem to think of yourself a lot and haven't developed the empathy to see what you are doing to others. I don't think you should be with the guy you are with. He is just adding to the problem.
Your best chance is to get yourself right.
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