A
female
age
30-35,
*irl20
writes:Im 20, and i have just found out im pregnant, the father wants a abortion and we arent together. I have a full time apprenticeship job, which is a really good career. But the thought of killing my baby makes me sick, the father says theres no way we can have it. I dont know what to do!
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male
reader, whiteelephant  +, writes (17 October 2010):
hes scared. but i think that when he holds the baby in his arms the first time, he will put that fear and every other minor thing behind him.
its your body, your health, and your life. an abortion is your choice. he should be prepared for this when he chose to have sex with you
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2010): i was in a similar situation as you but it wasnt only the father who didnt want me to have the baby... it was my family and friends who kept telling me it would ruin my life... I am now 7 months pregnant and everyone is excited about the new baby it may take a couple of months for him to get over the initial shock but if he cares about you and is a real man he will take care of his responsibilities no matter the outcome... i hope this helps you
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2010): how far along are u? have just had the same thoughts and descisions to make myself, decided to go ahead with the pregnancy on my own, i dont believe in abortion and was no way on this earth i could have done that. its gonna be hard and so much extra stress to sort out but we can do this on our own! msg me if you want to chat. good luck!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2010): If you don't want to be a mother (not all women do), how about considering an open adoption? At least think about it, do some research into it. You could choose the adoptive parents, and have the opportunity to be part of the child's life. I know a couple of women who went the adoption route, and years later, have great relationships with their adult kids. It doesn't have to be an either/or (abort or be a single mom). Life as a single mom is really difficult, and it's not a sure thing that your boyfriend will support you financially or emotionally.
Gosh, if it were me I would seriously consider dumping that boyfriend for not being there for you. Any guy who would "force" me to do something so inhumane as have an abortion would be toast! Whatever you decide, don't let him talk you into doing that. You'll not only probably have regrets, but will also resent him later on for having forced your hand. Your days together will be numbered for sure.
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female
reader, girl20 +, writes (7 October 2010):
girl20 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks again for all your input; Christ i dont know. I met the father tonight ive never seen this side to him, hes so worried and scared its driving him mad. He said he couldnt live his life without having an input in the babys life if we were to have it. But there isnt one part of him that wants it, do i have it with a parent that never wanted it, I would love for us all to be a family but thats not going to happen. He says I will ruin his life and my life if i were to have it. I dont know what to do, I wish i could freeze time and think but thats one thing i havent got, time. :(
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2010): Don't have an abortion.
You will regret it for the rest of your life, no matter how deep you hid the regret, it will always be there.
Maybe I'm to old, and know to much about others who have done this, but...just don't.
Have the baby, love it for all you are worth, through good times and bad, through exhaustion, through sickness, through Hell and high water. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
By the way, I didn't have this opinion when I was younger...but now I know just to many people who have had abortions when they were younger. Abortions are Hell when it isn't in the case of rape or incest (I assume this was from neither type of activity). Single motherhood is High Water and struggle.
Good luck.
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female
reader, Nime +, writes (7 October 2010):
 jmc930, I did not mean the mother should abort it so the father can exert his (non-existent) rights. I meant your suggestion that she should force him to pay child support is not fair.
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female
reader, DenimandLace44 +, writes (6 October 2010):
 If you deliberately got pregnant against his wishes and unbeknownst to him, that might give some weight to his arguement. However, if that isn't the case, then I don't think he can say you are ruining his life. He made the choice to have sex. He surely knew that sex makes babies. He was willing to take that chance. HE MADE THAT CHOICE. So we let him decide to terminate the pregnacy because it isnt convenient for him now? Thats not you deciding to RUIN his life...that was him making a choice. So are we to make excuses for him now, and just let him go around impregnating women, and demanding they terminate the pregnacies. No I dont think that is fair.
Yes it will change his life. But it is very unfair to insinuate that if she does not abort, that she is in essence doing it to ruin his as well as the baby's life. Yes, I have sons...and I would be really sad if this happened to them. But they are aware that sex CAN cause pregnacies. And abortion is not BIRTH CONTROL. Whether you are pro-life, or pro-abortion, isnt even the issue here. The issue is that this woman does not want to abort. That is not being irresponsible. It is her choice. He has a choice whether to be involved in this childs life. He will be required to support it financially. If he wasn't willing to do that, he should have kept his penis in his pants. There is information everywhere about safe sex. He knew the possibilies. He is not a victim here.
Sweetheart, do what you want to. If you decide to follow thru with this pregnacy, then surround yourself with as many people as you can as support. Do not involve anyone who does not want to be involved. You sound very responsible and I think you can do this if it is what you decide. good luck and keep us posted.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2010): Girl20, there are plenty of single parents with kids that the other parent did not want them to have. It won't be terribly damaging for your child to grow up in a single-parent household. Furthermore, there are support groups out there for single parents, like you would be, should you choose to have this baby, that can help you parent your child, answer questions about where daddy is, and help with getting babysitters and childcare.
If you are as intelligent and motivated as you appear, I don't think you'll have much trouble at all with this situation.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2010): Nime, the man has made it clear he doesn't want the baby. That doesn't mean that SHE can't have the baby if she wants it. They aren't partners, so he has absolutely zero say in her life.
That's like asking one of your exs to tell you what job to take, which car to buy and which apartment to rent.
She's the master of her own destiny, and if the baby she's carrying is what she wants, then she gets to keep it.
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female
reader, girl20 +, writes (5 October 2010):
girl20 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for your input, Nime - I could afford it as i earn a good amount, my main concern is do i bring a child into the world with a parent that may not want it?
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female
reader, misLadYd..  +, writes (5 October 2010):
 i think if you dont want abortion then you should keep the baby.i mean its an innocent baby.atleast think of other ways eg adoption maybe.and the babydaddy is not in your life so he shouldnt call the shots.you are the mom to be.deep down you know what to do.so good luck
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2010): Maybe there's no way you can have it as a "we," but you can have it as a "you." No guy who tries to get you to abort your child against your will is a good partner for you, and he'd make a terrible father. Raise your child on your own. You won't regret your decision.
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female
reader, Nime +, writes (5 October 2010):
That is so unfair, jmc930. So the father gets absolutely no say in what happens? If the mother wanted to abort the fetus and the father wanted to keep it, there would be nothing he could do. He'd lose his child. But if the mother decides she wants it, she can make him pay child support for the next 18 years? It's so unfair it makes me sick.
The OP said it herself, she can't afford this child and she knows it's going to derail her career. I'm willing to bet the father can't afford this child either. OP, do you really want to bring a child into the world you can't financially provide for? What if it's born with a serious health issue? What if it has an accident? Can you afford the health care?
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2010): First of all, the baby is in your body. Secondly, he's not even in your life. He cannot make this decision for you. If you don't want to have an abortion, don't have one. Then, take him to court and make him pay child support. "But I didn't want a baby" is not a defense for why he shouldn't pay up. Don't let him dictate what you should do with your baby, especially when he's not even around.
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