A
female
age
26-29,
*hloe.answers.
writes:Okay so I'm pregnant and the guy doesn't know It and neither do my parents. Help me please?!! Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Khloe.answers. +, writes (30 October 2010):
Khloe.answers. is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOkay. Thanks.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (29 October 2010):
 Looks to me like someone goofing around on their computer who should really be busy doing their homework instead.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (29 October 2010):
 Wait. Three days ago you were asking this question: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/should-i-have-a-kid-dont-get-off.html
So you asked this question 3 days ago, and today you're pregnant? That's simply amazing, as it normally takes that long just for the sperm to reach the egg.
You never actually got back to the aunts who took the time to answer your question, did you?
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (29 October 2010):
Sounds like you have some sort of a plan. I would suggest you spend the 'hang out' time figuring out some answers to questions your parents are going to ask.
Here's a sample list:
1. Where are you going to have the baby? Who is the doctor?
[you have to get one ASAP as a 14 year old mother is considered to be in a high risk category by OBs.]
2. How will you handle breastfeeding the baby if you are at school? You will need to get a breast pump and go into the bathroom at school and express the milk there. It's important to the baby to have mother's milk because of the all the major health benefits to the baby. It does tend to make the breasts sag afterwards but that's a small price to pay for a healthy child, so don't worry about the stretchmarks on your breasts or belly. After a few years, they mostly go away. So have a plan for breastfeeding.
3. How are you going to manage finding childcare and finishing school at the same time? I would suggest that you not expect your mom or his mom to be the babysitters. Maybe you can go to a cyberschool, so you can be home with the baby. Your friends can come over and visit you after school, then you can take the baby with you if you go out for diapers or food. Maybe you can set up a shift schedule so that friends can look after the baby while you go out or get a nap for an hour or two. Get a sign up sheet and see if you can come up with a sample schedule.
4. Are you going to use disposable diapers or reusable ones? Disposables fill up landfills but are so much easier to use. They are expensive, and generally people don't give them to you as gifts, so figure out how to pay for them. Maybe you need to get a job before the baby comes.
5. How are you going to make money to save a lot for the baby before it gets here? Maybe you need to get a job and sock away some cash before the baby arrives. There are lots of thing that will pop up and need paying for, so it's a good idea to have money, and I'll bet your parents would appreciate not having to pay for everything. Babies are really expensive. Maybe if you know how much they cost per year, that will show your parents you have thought about it and if you come up with a plan for making money before the baby arrives that would show you have REALLY thought about it.
6. Has anyone else in your school gotten pregnant? What happened to them? Maybe you could figure out how they are managing and use them as an example.
You have been doing adult things, now it's time to act like an adult and figure out how all this stuff is going to work. You have to plan and show that you have the wherewithal to manage it all.
Motherhood is not easy, ask any mother. Their lives are not their own and they wind up in milk and puke-stained clothes all the time because they don't have a lot of time for themselves. You have to be mentally prepared for the massive life change that is about to occur. I think you may have an unrealistic idea about how this is going to work and if you can demonstrate to your parents that you are in fact aware of the immense responsibility you are about to take on, they will take it better and not be so sad for you.
I have to say that a 'real man' would not be acting like a spoiled teenager who has been treating you like some kind of sex doormat. I think he sounds pretty immature and I sincerely doubt he knows the responsibility he's about to undertake either. You know that he's going to have to financially support this baby, right? His free time isn't going to be spent hanging out with his friends any more, he's got to get a job. He doesn't know it yet, but that's what's going to happen.
You sound like a nice but naive girl who has no idea what kind of tsunami she's created for herself. Show your parents you are capable of some responsible thinking and I expect the revelation that they are about to be early grandparents will go over better.
Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (29 October 2010):
 Thats good that you told your boyfriend, but if he's only 16, you are going to need alot more help than he can possibly give. I got pregnant and got married and we were both 19, and we could barely handle things. PLEASE tell an ADULT ASAP. This isn't something that 2 young teenagers are going to be able to handle alone.
...............................
A
male
reader, Cute Carl  +, writes (29 October 2010):
 I hope you'll put a serious amount of thought into whether you're going to keep the child or give it up for adoption, and that you realize how much your whole life is going to change. I do believe that teenagers understand what love is but that doesn't mean I approve of teenage relationships because they almost never end well. I'm proud of you for trying to be responsible in this matter and I hope you'll go to your parents as soon as possible and let this experience bring you closer to them instead of tearing your family apart. Your parents really do usually know and want what's best for you so if you'll just take their advice and tell them the truth and listen to them, you should turn out just find.
WWJD
...............................
A
female
reader, Khloe.answers. +, writes (29 October 2010):
Khloe.answers. is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone. I called And told the guy earlier and he was genuinely excited. He's happy and he apologized for all the crap he put me through lately. I'm glad he is with me and is chosing to stay with me, like a true man. He is 16. And we are going to hang out this weekend and find out how were gonna tell my mom and his family. Oh and I took 3 test. So I'm pretty sure I am. I'm scared but I'm glad I'm not alone...
...............................
A
female
reader, gorgeous101  +, writes (29 October 2010):
dont panic ]. trust me i no what your going through. i was 17 wen i got pregnant. i am now 20 with a 2 yr old. you need to tell your mum first. your mum will always love you and she will comfort you and tell you everything will be ok then probably take you to the doctors. if you cant tell her yourself bring your best friend to help with telling her. dont be alarmed if your father doesnt talk to u much in this situation tho. my dad didnt want to except it at all until my son was born he didnt actully even talk properly about my son til i was 8 months along.i no its difficult to accept its happened and how it could happen to you but it really isnt the end of the world.but you do need to tell the guy aswell he will prob go off and be in a bit of a mood then be in shock just keep that in mind. keep yourself healthy no matter what for your baby and yourself. you do have many options tho
...............................
A
female
reader, Ich_liebe_dich  +, writes (29 October 2010):
 Oh dear im sorry. But first thing exactly you will do is calm down, dont panic. Because if you panic you can not think anymore. 2nd, make it sure that you are pregnant by doing a pregnancy test. At least do it twice. 3rd find someone really close to you to talk bout this. This person must be a matured and experienced person. Either best friend, sister, auntie, if its possible your mother. Mother must be always the best person to talk if their daughter is in real serious situation. 4th understand the mother, accept what she will say, she might freak out, she will get mad but dont worry surely 100% she will understand you. You need somebody to talk about this. You need to release your stress and fear inside. You need a guidance and a help. Think that this can never forever a secret. I wish you really a good luck sweety.. Dont you worry so much everything will be fine.. Good luck..
...............................
A
female
reader, angelalb +, writes (29 October 2010):
I agree you should tell your parents. You have a lot of important decisions to make. You could tell your boyfriend but don't expect him to be ok with ithe might but chances are he might not. If he isn't he might leave and not help you at all. You need your family support. I see you may be young. Have you thought about adoption? My husband and I are looking into private adoption from teens who are in the same position as you. I had my first two kids at 19 and I thought that was young I cant imagine being any younger. I was scared but I told my parents and even though they wern't thrilled they supported me. Good Luck to you. Daniele
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (29 October 2010):
What test kit did you use to find out you were pregnant? You could just show your parents the test kit and they will know as soon as they see it.
Your guy could definitely get in trouble with the law now, if he has impregnated you. http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-would-he-get-sent-to-jail-and.html
You were also feeling used after sex, so it sounds like you have some major issues with the guy. http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-feel-used-after-sex.html It would probably better to tell your parents, as the guy doesn't sound like he's a stand-up, take responsibility kinda guy.
It sounds like you haven't really thought things through, and maybe it's time to get a adult to help. Tell your parents, show them the test kit.
Good luck.
...............................
A
male
reader, slimfish  +, writes (29 October 2010):
 tell your mum first. then have her take you to a doctor.
it's not the end of the world, and your'e not the first young girl to get pregnant.
it's sad to see this happen but you will get through it. you will have some very big decisions to make, and the have to be made real quick. dont try to hide it anymore, please.
and god bless and good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, missjones118 +, writes (29 October 2010):
how old is he
...............................
A
female
reader, breath_in +, writes (29 October 2010):
 wow your still so young .
okay well you need to stop panicking and breath .. every things going to be okay . now as far as telling i'd start with telling your boyfriend first only because you need all the support you can get and maybe if hes in this with you he'd be there with to help ease the feeling your having of going through this alone ,then together you can tell your parents . if things back fire and you see that your boyfriend wants out then your gonna have to face this on your own and tell your parents. just know that you'll get through this . and your not alone .
...............................
A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (29 October 2010):
Well sweetie, this isn't something that is going to stay a secret for very long. I know you must be very confused and frightened, but you need to tell an adult, someone that you trust, someone that can help you. You aren't old enough to make these kind of decisions by yourself. The best choice would be your parents of course. Of course they won't be happy, may be shocked, disappointed, but I'm sure they love you and will help you. You've got to believe that. If you can't tell them right now, is there an older family member female that you can confide in? Or a guidance counselor at your school? Please tell someone. The sooner you tell someone, the sooner decisions can be made. You've got to be brave. ok? This is just the beginning, and my heart is really sad for you, but the time for regrets is past. Now you have to act. Please let us know how you are ok? Take care.
...............................
A
female
reader, followtheblackrabbit  +, writes (29 October 2010):
 I feel like lecturing but, it does no good. So here's the deal, tell your parents as soon as possible because the more you wait, the less options you have. You have to act quickly. Tell the guy too. Take another pregnancy test and an STD test. Look up Planned Parenthood and give them a ring. I hope you have money! They charge for visits...which is why your parents should know. You were grown up enough to have sex, be grown up enough to tell them you messed up and are pregnant. By the way: pulling out doesn't work, condoms break or slip off, and birth control pills won't work if taken incorrectly. If you want to avoid STDs and pregnancy-avoid sex. My friend's cousin (14) received HIV from a handsome baseball player (16) who promised he was clean. She now cries everyday, hoping the baby she's carrying will somehow escape the virus.
...............................
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (29 October 2010):
 Tell your parents first of all so they can help you decide what you're going to do. And then tell your guy because he does have a right to know about his child. Good luck to you, because you're going to need it.
Teen pregnancy is 100% preventable by practicing abstinence.
...............................
|
