A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi I am female who hates porn in a relationship first off but I have a dilemma....Porn haters what would you do in my situation...Go back to the guy who was viewing artistic porn with the sound off and didn't give it up until I ask for a ultimatum within 3 weeks of knowing what was going on and they end up deleting their whole collection for you but doesn't make you feel that sexually special to them and doesn't seem to grasp why they have hurt you. Move on and find someone who makes you feel sexually special but might be hiding porn, understands that it's hurtful.or carry on to find someone who doesn't know what the fuss about porn is.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2013): You're just incompatible with this guy so don't stick around any longer you will only drive yourself and him crazy. Move on and find someone who fits the bill of what you want, rather than trying to turn this guy into what you want.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (27 January 2013):
 IF you don't like porn, you need to be with a man that doesn't use porn.
I don't find it disrespectful therefore I don't care that my hubby uses it. IN fact, he came to bed one night last week after viewing and woke me up for fun and games... had he not looked at porn I would not have gotten any. As a woman with a higher sex drive than my partner.. I'm grateful for porn that gets him riled up enough to want me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2013): I was perfectly secure before I found out about the porn use. I barely noticed the lack of compliments. I understand the porn use before he met me he had no choice.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (27 January 2013):
 A dealbreaker is a dealbreaker. If you hate, like really HATE porn, you should not be dating a porn watcher, of any kind or description.
It the same for everything, I don't know, cigarette smole for instance. If you really hate smoke and it goes against your beliefs, it won't be enough that your partner agrees to never smoke at home, or in front of you. You need a staunch non smoker just like yourself.
As for words reinforcing the view you have of yourself as sexually desirable, I think you should not make it a necessity, i.e. you should not NEED a constant seal of approval to feel desired and desirable. Compliments are always nice, of course, but , some people are just not that good or comfortable with verbalizing their appreciation. If their ACTIONS , the way the look at you, touch you, seek you, convey passion and attraction - words would be just the icing on the cake.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2013): What bothered me is the little understanding. If i got a man who acknowledged and understood it might be a problem I've got that at least, this guy just thought it was harmless fun.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2013): I don't mind them watching porn when they are single but when they are in a relationship it is wrong to me. I still cannot believe my ex boyfriend was viewing porn when dating me, it won't sink in.
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A
male
reader, Hnk +, writes (27 January 2013):
 Well, as a guy I hate porn.why people do it? Everyone has his or own views. likewant to get better in bed want to see other women for sexual pleasure and thinking about them having sex want to know more tricks etc to be known as best man in bed! I know it is not polite watching porn especially in a relationship and you might think, you can't please him or he doesn't feel you sexual enough to think all about you. Well, a person should be honest about what he does and if that habit bothers you alot, find another person coz later you will breakup unless one of you changes their view.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (27 January 2013):
The only relevant question is: does this guy make you happy?
If you can't be happy knowing what you know then you'll have to leave him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2013): Sexually special to me means... complimenting you alot on your appearance. This guy was looking at porn at the start of our relationship, apparently I'm told that this is the time when they aren't committed and they are still likely to look at other people but we were doing sexual things, to me the start is when they should be thinking about their partner and making a sexual fuss.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2013): Find someone who shares your values!! There is an entire community online (of women AND men) who are against porn.
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A
male
reader, pschitzo n not +, writes (27 January 2013):
i hate porn i dont know i think maybe he has gathered some insite on how to be better in bed but wont find it there if yer still with him let him know in some way he needs to learn the other part of making love hes gotta warm u up first teach him in bed verbaly and by being the hand mover i know it sounds wierd but were men or if u say boys, ive gottin a few ideas from a little exposure and only told all of you here now but anyways is a lights on type and you lights off teaching learning experiencing thats sex if you cant stomach his old problem then your finished its a big deal to you not him major problem hope all ends well n take it in think bout it
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (27 January 2013):
 I'm curious -- what do you mean by "sexually special"??
Personally, I find that when a guy's interested in me and wants me, I feel pretty sexually special. No incense, rose petals and soap opera sappiness required for me!
Other than that, it's all about compatibility. Find someone who doesn't care for porn is about all you can do if it bothers you to the point where it makes you insecure.
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