A
female
age
30-35,
*issAnnonimus
writes:Hey dearcupid.org,this is what bothers me...I ve been with this guy 4 long in distance relationship,and this year it will be 4 years that we re doing it...Last year we were supposed to start living together,n me to move to his country,cause we decided it was better option,but since we didnt succed we broke up but got back together right away and continued it like this.He bought a flat last year and he thinks its my resonsability to connect my faculty with ones in his country n to move.I m really giving my best,but its really complicated since i m non-EEA.So here comes my problem about which i m thinking every day and it just kills me-Why doesnt this guy that i m so long with and loves me so much doesnt do anything about it? /3Lets be honest,he s a man and he can fix it in a sec...he has flat and a good job and i m still a student :( And if tables were turned i know we would ve already been on the same spot 4 long :(So whats the reason he doesnt do anything?It kills me!!!I cant focus on my life cause this distance affects me so much and i dont have strenght to keep going like this anymore n keep fighting 4 this!We love each other so much,we re best friends,advisors...i m funny,he laughs with me like crazy,i m smart,i look good,i take care of him,cook 4 him,clean after,just do everything at any time...we ve been serious about each other from begining,and were talking about marriage n kids n always planning future together...so whyyy???what am i doing wrong?I see people that r 4 so short together making serious steps and i cant even start living with together with my bf :(
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (27 January 2013):
 I am not sure I understood your question properly, but... what do you want him to do ? How do you want him to " fix " it ?.
He is a flat owner and has a good job ( for getting which, I suppose , he had to earn a degree / other credentials / practical experience, i.e .presumably he had to work for it ) in a EEA country. And you want him to leave that to come and live with you . In Serbia ? From an EEA country ?
You are kidding right ? He does not pay rent, he would have to pay rent. He has a good job, as a resident of another country, what are ,realistically,his chances to find an uquivalent job, as good in terms of pay and personal satisfaction ?.. Is he mothertongue fluent in your language ? are there no restrictions at all in your country for the employment of foreign citizens ?....
You say " you've got hands ", you could work. Fine, then why don't YOU just bring YOUR hands in his country and work there, any menial job whatever you can get ? ...
I think your problem with university may be that all or part of your college credits won't be aknowledged in the college ( university ) you are tryng to transfer. Fine,- you are so young , then just start all over. From scratch. From the first year.
Presumably, you are not willing to do that because it would mean to throw away all you have worked hard for, so far. Ditto for him. With the difference, he is more stable, he has accomplished more than you,he's alreday found a GOOD job, started a career , he would have to sacrifice more . So , to me, ( and to him, I guess ) it makes perfect sense that , IF really there's someone who needs to sacrifice, that would be you.
It is a difficult situation, I realize it, and it must be very frustrating for both of you- and ,personally, I'd be inclined to tell you to never move to another country if there, beside the man of your dreams, there is not also a better future than you could have in your country.
So, unluckily, I have no ready made solution for you- this was just to stress how loving somebody does NOT necessarily mean to be ready to screw up career, finances and future at the drop of a hat. He may love you to bits, and still favour the most rational, practical solutions.
A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (27 January 2013):
I agree, a long distance relationship isn't the same as a real face to face relationship. It's easy to feel great about things when you don't have to deal with real life together.
In all honesty I don't fully understand what your problem is here... Your question isn't very clear. You seem to be blaming him for you not living together but you're not clear about what he's doing wrong.
Are you applying for a visa and he's not helping? In other words you just have to get lucky and get accepted? Or is he sponsoring you? If he's sponsoring you it doesn't matter who does the work, the results will be the same. Things like this take time.
You may want to follow up and be a little clearer about the problem so you can get better answers.
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A
female
reader, MissAnnonimus +, writes (27 January 2013):
MissAnnonimus is verified as being by the original poster of the question Maybe it sounded bad,but we really r a good couple,a team and all...and we use to see each other every second weekend,now its once a month!sometimes we r weekend together,sometimes a week or 2 or 3 or even when we can a month and we function good when we r on one spot...I know its different when u r 24/7 with someone but i really do belive in us and there was not a second i doubted!Also i d rather try and fail than not try!And i do agree that we should do it together...
But what kills me is that he sees me every time crying and in terrible conditions on airports,he let time pass when he can just fix it :(
Guy has a flat,and a job...and i m healthy and have hands,i can work,we can make it somehow!
Every day that passes i m going crazy,i miss him so much...so why doesnt he fix it?
And the reason i m asking him 4 its cause he s in better condition...i m a student,and i m powerless from this country :( If i had my flat and i job,i swear there would be no problems!I m also affraid that i wont be able to connect with universitis in his country and if that happens i ll just have to break up cause there s no other way i can influence it anymore,and i can do the distance any longer than that...Cause i have no strenght,i m breaking and i feel like i m changing as a person :(
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